Married
Or Single With
Children &
Managing A
Sex Life
Exploring Ways
For Parents To Stay Intimate With Themselves & Their Partner
Written
By
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Greg
Hall
Holistic Wisdom Consultant
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Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
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If
you are a parent you know that it is quite a challenge to
have a better sex life whether you are a single parent or
with a significant other. Even time for masturbation can
seem challenging. Throw a partner into the mix and you have
a near impossibility!
Below
you will find some tips on how to get in touch with the
more sensual side of life while keeping healthy boundaries
with your children.
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It's
easy to stop trying to seduce one another after the honeymoon
period of a relationship, but after kids are born, partners can
become so wrapped up in their parenting roles that they lose sight
of all else. Yet, because regular sex keeps couples more light-hearted,
more affectionate and less argumentative ensuring that you are
"gettin' some" is important.
A
lot of couples say they often feel too tired to have sex, but
once they get going, they realize, "Hey, this feels great. We
should do this more often!'" Children should be taught to respect
their parents' need for private time without them. Not only does
setting boundaries around this allow for private time, but it
teaches a child that they are not the center of the universe and
need to respect other's needs beyond their own. A good lesson
if you ask me.
The
following list is designed to help parents establish both sexual
boundaries and privacy with their children:
1.
A lock on the bedroom door. The earlier that kids learn to respect
the privacy of
the parental bedroom, the better, but it's
never too late to get a locksmith out to
the house.
2. A white-noise machine, loud humidifier, fan, radio or boom
box that can be moved
close to the door. You will be more relaxed.
3.
An off switch on the bedroom phone. Use it.
4.
Private space with a lock for storing anything you'd like your
kids not to see like
sex toys, lubricants,
etc. (a file cabinet, tool box, or desk drawer works).
See our Private
Pillows.
5.
Have sexy sleeping wear. Remember the early days of courtship?
You wouldn't
have been caught dead in gray T-shirt,
and it's time to bring sexy lingerie back to
the bedroom. We're all more likely to feel
sexy when we look sexy.
6.
A reliable babysitter. Whether you want the sitter to take the
kids to an afternoon
movie while you play at home, or just connect
over a candlelight dinner, having
time that you can depend on to be together
is important to recharging your sex
life.
Good
Bedtime Routines For Couples-
1)
Going to bed together creates the opportunity for physical contact,
as well as
emotional contact.
2)
Kissing each other goodnight.
3)
Set 30 minutes aside every night to talk without the kids around.
If you have 30
minutes a day of friendly conversation in which
you're not talking about the bills
and you're not talking about the kids' schedules,
but just visiting with each other
like a good friend your marriage will be healthier
and so will your children.
A
Smoochie Idea For Couples-
One
of the first physical activities to go on a sexual relationship
with a partner is kissing. Oddly many couples will have sex but
have not kissed one another more than a "peck" in years.
So on that premise, I will review some kissing techniques below
to perhaps remind you of how wonderful it can be and how to start
making the passion in your relationship hotter.
Kissing
Techniques
The
key to good kissing is creativity and listening to your partners
cues. Creativity speaks for itself. Creativity includes trying
new ideas, and/or new combinations of movements, locations and
moods. Listening refers to paying attention to your partner's
verbal and nonverbal signals. Is your partner excited? Is your
partner in an aroused mood?
Remember
that a sensual kiss can often be very slow in it's motion. The
slowness can actually raise the sexual tension by 'pacing' the
sexual encounter.
Routines
sometimes can act to diminish the excitement, because the other
person already knows exactly what will come next. In that way,
a 'first' with someone new is always exciting, because you simply
have no idea about what to expect. Therefore, in an effort to
help people 'break' old patterns a set of different types of kisses
have been collected.
Some
Different Types of Kissing
(Some of these kissing tips come from
howtohavegoodsex.com)
Suspenseful kiss. The type that has a long buildup and
both parties wonder when the other one will start to lean over…
or if the other person is even interested.
Elongated kiss- this one involves a bit of mouth movement
(opening and closing). With the use of your tongue. Imagine sucking
on your arm, while using your tongue to gently pull in the skin,
and then push the skin back onto the arm. The movements are best
when slow, steady and precise.
Slobbery
kiss. This is excellent for cunnilingus and fellatio. The
saliva acts as lubrication. However, at all other times, unless
specifically requested, avoid the slobbery kiss.
Wetting
lips kiss. Run your tongue along the contours of their lips.
Sucking
kiss. Exactly that. Suck on their lips. Upper lip kiss. Only
kiss the upper part of the lip.
Lower
lip kiss. Only kiss the lower part of the lip. The nibbling
kiss. Literally, nibble on their lips and nibble/kiss all over
their cheeks and ears.
Tongue
sucker kiss. Literally, suck on your partner's tongue as if
it was a finger.
Teeth
cleaner kiss. While kissing, run your tongue along the inside
of their mouth. Explore the structure of your partner's teeth.
Feel each tooth (within reason), one by one. By following each
grove, note the texture (s) of the tooth.
Tongue
player kiss. Use your tongue to play with their tongue. Mouth
explorer kiss. Use your tongue to explore the rest of your partner's
mouth. What does the inside of your partner's cheek feel like,
the back of the lips? Does it feel dry, hard, of firm?
Public
kiss. Kiss your partner in public, kiss your partner in private.
Motion
kiss. Change kissing speeds. Begin super slow, and then let
yourself speed up. The beginning part of the kiss should last
at least 10 minutes, then after your partner can not stand it
any longer speed up. Then, do not forget to slow your speed down.
Too much of anything is not a good thing. Frequent subtle alterations,
keeps the person guessing as to what will come next.
Loud
kiss. Kiss your partner while making loud kissing noises.
Silent
kiss. Kiss your partner without making any noise - best to
practice when someone is around and you do not want to be heard.
Copycat
kiss. Kiss your partner the exact way that she/he kisses you.
Follow your partner's lead.
Open
eyed kiss. Maintain eye contact during kissing.
Closed eye kiss. Close your eyes and imagine how this kiss
will lead to the best sexual encounter ever imaginable.
Lick
kiss. While kissing, use your tongue to lick her tongue, her
teeth, and the roof of her mouth. Do not confuse this 'lick' with
a sloppy wet kiss. This 'lick' is very precise. This technique
is meant to be used to pull your partner's mouth slightly closer
to yours and to feel what your partner feels like. Please note,
your partner's mouth should be relatively dry afterwards.
Talking
kiss. The talking kiss refers to whispering sweet nothings
to your partner as you kiss them on their lips. In between each
kiss or two, while still invading their space, sharing thoughts
with them about how much you like them, or how much they turn
you on. (i.e. the dress you wore last night, your eyes, the way
you handled the situation at dinner etc.).
Elevator
kiss. Sneak a kiss in to your partner when you are on the
elevator and no one else is around.
Shared
Candy Kiss. Sharing a candy or tasty morsel of food can be
erotic and yummy!
Peck
kiss. Just a fast kiss on the lips, where you literally peck
your partner on the lips.
Enjoy!
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