By Greg Hall
Holistic Wisdom Consultant

After many years, two painful and expensive divorces, and many lovers, I finally "got it" and found a secret so obvious it's easily overlooked. I had always thought of myself as a good lover. I had looks, charm, self-confidence and endowment going for me. I had little trouble finding bedmates but never seemed to be able to reach the deeper levels of inner satisfaction for either my partners or myself. Then suddenly, there it was! This was an incredible and powerful concept. I was in awe and wonderment how I had missed something so special and so obvious for so long.

I searched deep within myself and talked with several others why something so obvious was so overlooked. When I shared my revelation with the others, the response was often a "really?" or "you're kidding?" and sometimes "and that works?" type of comments. Some of my friends tried what I had found and had the same success in their relationships. That simple validation that I wasn't off the deep end and had found a simple answer to what has been a complex issue for men has made a profound difference in my sex and love life.

Like any paradigm, you have to change the way you look before you can see. Much like the 3-D hidden pictures in the chaos of another, you have to change your focus and look beyond what you perceive to find the hidden picture. However, sharing this in a written format is somewhat akin to describing over the telephone to a lifelong vegetarian the aroma of a steak on the barbecue. There must be a common understanding and experience dictionary for understanding to occur. But, every man can master this concept and reap the rewards of greater satisfaction and love. It's not about size, looks, or even income. The key to your success is about your education and understanding of the subject.

How did you learn to make love? Did you study and practice or were you taught the finer points? Did you learn from your parents, lovers or close friends? Sadly, few men ever really study and learn. If men are asked about sports, cars, politics, or making money, we can talk for hours. If we are asked to name the eight different kinds of female orgasms or female sexual response, we're often dumbfounded to even speak. Moreover, for men to talk openly with other men about female sexual response is often tantamount to admission we don't know and an unforgivable sin. Why is it so easy to men to admit we lack understanding of the stock market or sports, etc., than to admit our lack of knowledge in this regard? Somehow, it infers we aren't "real" men and "real" men know these things.

Women have a bond and a sisterhood that talks about men regularly. Women's magazines have in-depth stories about men. Women's conversations cover a much broader area about men than even men discuss. Most men's magazines focus more on how women look in sports, cars, politics, business or nothing at all. In recent studies, men are more likely to focus on a woman's looks where women seem to focus more on men's attitude. Men tend to be visual and look for sexual opportunity where women tend towards relational and look for a reason to have a relationship.

The simple fact you are reading this editorial searching for answers says you want to know more and have more control in the bedroom and your life. Success is most often based on education, understanding and a willingness to take a risk. The age-old axiom "when the man with the gold meets the man with the education, the man with the gold gets an education and the man with the education gets some gold." holds true today. The only "gold" you have to invest for this education is your time and a little goes a long way.

Romance isn't an accident, it's a decision and great sex begins long before the bedroom. The most powerful four-letter word that ends with a 'k' and means intercourse is 'talk'. Good conversation and genuine interest in your partner stimulates desire. The second greatest fear humans have is public speaking. This isn't for the public but your partner is an audience and we often trip over our words as we express our interest and desires. So instead of doing all the talking and feeling uncomfortable about it learn to ask probing questions then shut up and listen. If asked nicely, women will tell you everything…eventually. It does take patience and learning to steer the conversation appropriately. But women love it when a man actually listens and it builds an immediate trust between the two of you.

The two kinds of control mechanisms that motivate us as humans are pleasure and pain. All too often, our lives are controlled by the pain motivator with the threat of "if you don't do this, then that will occur" instead of the "I give you this because I care about you and you please me" concept. Holding out the carrot as a reward for action, isn't it. Focus on giving without looking for what you'll get immediately in return, and you'll get much more than you ever bargained for in return.

Have you ever asked after sex "was it good for you" or "was I ok." If so, then trust me, at best it was so-so. When a woman tells you "that was the best I've ever had" you're on the right track. All too often men say "when it's good, it's great and when it's bad, it's still pretty good." For a woman, bad sex, is bad sex and don't expect an invitation for a return engagement. If you really want her to want you, then take her someplace she's never been before. The techniques are contained elsewhere in this web site. But, you have to understand the fundamental concept that it's not about your satisfaction that will gain her desire for more. Too often, men achieve orgasm only to think sex is over, then roll over and go to sleep. Part of this is caused by the return of highly oxygenated blood back to the brain causing the drowsiness men experience. Fight the urge for 5 minutes and you'll recover from this condition.

Ok, so now you've achieved orgasm and think sex is over right? Wrong, think again. Here's the secret you've been promised. Use your fingers, tongue, Hitachi Wand, toys or anything else you can lay your hands on and make her continue to orgasm. Study and master the techniques for all eight of her orgasms. Listen to her body and learn to feel each of them as she does. Study everything you can on the subject of female response. Make it a priority above everything thing else you study. Learn to listen to her and her body and control her with pure pleasure. Because of physical and emotional issues, not all women can either reach or discern the subtle differences of orgasms. Respond to her body and don't be afraid to ask her.

I am often amazed how many women can tell a man where every piece of furniture will go in a new house but won't tell the same man to move over ¼ of an inch. So be patient and learn to feel her responses and 'talk' openly.

Once you have the 'education' and meet the woman with the 'gold' of a caring heart and spirit, the reward of totally satisfying her will become immediately evident to you and you'll finally "get it." It doesn't take the looks, money or size to get there, just a good education.

Sexual Techniques & Performance