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Partner
Sexually Pleasing
You?
Written
By
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Greg
Hall
Holistic Wisdom Consultant
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Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
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Fascinating
isn't it, how we really don't talk much about our sexual desires
or practices? Oh, we often speak of trivial aspects but when was
the last time you had a completely open and honest conversation
about what you or your partner really wants or would like sexually?
We often skirt around it hoping they'll discover our inner secret
by either stumbling upon it or by some other mysterious method.
Sometimes we even think that if they "really loved" us they would
simply know or make sure to figure it out.
What
keeps you from being totally honest with your partner? Is it a
fear of acceptance, rejection, a taboo subject, or maybe something
you want seems too kinky? Or is it more akin to your perception
of your own desire being repugnant or making your lover feel less
adequate by their not fully satisfying your desires? No matter
what you may be holding back, it is important to remind ourselves
that the desires we don't express, will usually go unsated.
Our
partner is not here to cater to our every desire by intuition…
part of our development as a human being is to learn to express
ourselves in a way that honors ourselves as well as our partner.
I mean how hard is it to say "Ya know honey… I think it would
be so cool if we___ or if you___ that would drive me wild!!! Oh,
and while we are chatting… what naughty ideas do you have for
me to pleasure you my lover?"
One
of the main challenges between lovers often boils down to ineffective
communication resulting in misunderstandings. A major contributor
to this is a basic lack of communication and negotiating skills
with one's partner. While many cultures negotiate and haggle as
part of daily life, we have generally become timid and outright
fearful of negotiating and then settle for what is offered. At
the other end of the spectrum of holding our desires inward, we
may go beyond simply feeling dissatisfied and actually "punish"
our partner through passive aggressive or outright aggressive
ways to get our needs met.
When
we stuff are needs they will come out one way or another whether
we do so consciously or unconsciously and often we and are partner
are left feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, and if left unaddressed…
apathetic. Oddly enough, what we were trying to avoid in the first
place (rocking the boat) we often end up doing anyway because
of our lack of communication with our partner. At least if we
had been honest with ourselves and our partner in the first place
we would be able to address the heart of the matter and increase
the possibility of true intimacy… which by the way… makes for
great sex. So, ask yourself this… if you are not satisfied with
your sex life make sure to first check in with yourself as to
whether or not you have asked your partner for what you wanted.
Open
and honest communication in a healthy and loving relationship
is a daily event. The contrary of this leads to dysfunction and
a break down of the relationship as well as a general feeling
of self worth within ourselves. That is why extra marital affairs
are so common as it is an easy escape from dealing with our own
failures in a relationship. The problem with that is that they
only end up making everything worse… so why not skip the drama
and go straight to the good stuff… loving and honoring ourselves
through our honest thoughts and feelings. It only adds to our
integrity which makes us feel good about ourselves as well as
making us more attractive to our partner.
Relationship
Maintenance
Imagine
if your partner said "Well, I brushed my teeth so now I don't
ever have to do that again. Scary thought! Yet, during courtships
we say and do many things we simply quit doing after our relationship
has stabilized into the long-term. Why? It's like gasoline in
a car. If that's what it took initially to get somewhere, why
wouldn't you keep filling the tank to keep it going? In addition…
don't forget to check the oil and maintain this "vehicle of love."
If the best way to travel is first class, then why do so many
of our vehicles of love look like beaters held together with bailing
wire and bubble gum?
It
doesn't take money to have a classic first class love machine.
It takes regular maintenance and repair of what you have. Remember,
it only takes a little attention and conversation to get things
going, but a lot of costly repair when you let communication slide.
Before
you wind up in the typical accusatory conversation of "you never",
"you don't" or other such offensive stance, take a minute and
ask yourself if you're both being honest about what you want.
Take the risk of being vulnerable and start talking. Work together
on common ground and don't be afraid to try new things. After
all, the deepest intimacy is not only powerful, rewarding and
encourages growth on many levels… it can also be really fun both
in and out of the bedroom… like the kitchen table, the bath, the
car…
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The
Holistic Wisdom Corporation