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Sexua1
Mindfulness
The
Spiritual Path To The Best Sex You'll Ever Have
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There
are infinite ways to have fantastic sex that is mindful
and spiritual. This article will take you through some basic
principals of what inhibits spiritual sex, how to overcome
those obstacles, and finally how to have spiritual sex.
I have also included a couple of "spiritual ceremonies"
based on Tantric practices. I hope that you enjoy these
techniques and that they fill your mind, body and spirit
with sexual ecstasy!
Factors
That Contribute To Sexual Blocks
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Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
HolisticWisdom.com Founder |
Biological
Hormonal
factors, health/major illnesses, street drugs, medications,
and age and aging
Emotional
Religious,
cultural, and family messages about sex. Self and body
image concerns, inhibitions regarding sexual fantasies, sexual
trauma history, masked sexual orientation issues, lack of information,
unrealistic expectations and fears of intimacy and closeness,
and lack of differentiation from family of origin or from partner.
Relationship
Stored anger,
resentment and chronic conflict, need for power and control,
not attracted to partner, disagreements about conditions and
reasons for sex, inability to negotiate differences as a fundamental
relationship problem.
Unrealistic
Expectations
Initial
infatuation stage vs. deeper, more calm stage of attachment
(not all-consumed with sex). Real love is built on communication
and intimacy. Sex becomes a part of the whole relationship,
not the center of it.
Lifestyle
/ Culture
Life in the
fast lane, role overload, fatigue, unrealistic expectations for
sex, body image and relationships from media influence.
General
Ways To Improve Sex
Improving
Communication
About Sex
Do
sex checks. State what I want in positive respectful terms.
Talk about sex more often. Listen carefully and non-defensively
to what my partner has to say. Be willing to try what my
partner suggests while respecting my own sexual limits.
Refrain from blame and criticism. Talk about my resistance
and hesitancy to communicate about sex.
Good Sex Takes Effort Once You’re Past The Infatuation Stage
of Relationship
- Sexual
excitement is made not born
- Cultivate
sexual mindfulness
Finding
Time in Your Busy Life
- If
you don’t make an effort, forgetting to have sex can
become a habit
- The
key to a good sex life within a busy life is planning
Finding
Couple Time and Making Sex a Priority
- Divide
the labor.
- Find
couple time - overlap shifts, extend day care, meet
for lunch, cancel appointments, enforce bedtime, use
the media, use baby sitters, relatives and friends or
trade with other parents.
- Regular
date nights, 15 minute face to face talks daily and
romantic weekends away.
Conditions
for Good Sex
- Turn
off the TV, computer
- Go
to bed at the same time, and earlier in the evening
- Light
meals and little or no alcohol
- Feeling
rested and connected
- Candlelight
and flowers and other easy mood enhancers
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Restore
Touch & Affection So That Touch Does Not Equal Sex
- Eye
contact
- Touch
gently during conversation
- Sit
close on couch
- Spoon
- Hold
hands
Romantic
Love Starter Kit - Cultivate Good Feelings
- Say
“I love you”
- Send
a card in the mail
- Bring
them a flower
- Do
a chore without being asked
- Go
for a walk and talk with them
My
Sex Tackle Box - Be prepared!
- Lock
on the door to avoid disruption if you do not live
alone
- White
noise or radio near the door
- Phone
off in bedroom
- Special
underwear & sleepwear
- Massage
oil
- Videos,
erotic books & magazines
- Birth
control & lubes
Where
to Get Help
- Many
people often need the boost of professional help to
get the many aspects of their sexual concern sorted
through and resolved.
- Read
books and watch videos for help.
- Find
individual and couple counseling services with a specialization
in sex and couple therapy.
- For
referrals to a sex therapist in your area, contact
www.aasect.org
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Dealing
With Fears
The
sexual union we wish to produce is to honor each other and build
a bridge between body and soul. This is possible through a structured
process usable by anyone who wants to find a gentle and conscious
way to express their love with another person or even with themselves.
Though regular sex is enjoyable, it is rarely so good that it
satisfies our inner needs.
Tantra
- spiritual sex is a sacred communion with a partner or with oneself
which enhances our connection with the life force itself and our
deepest creative impulses. People, even today, who think they
are giving their all to their partner are withholding and repressing
enormous parts of themselves due to fear and the end result is
feeling like they are being used. Their lovemaking doesn't fulfill
the need for people to feel a deep communion with the other person
and becomes just a tense encounter with another body in which
both people repress their real needs. The lovemaking is reduced
to a performance where we compete with the other person to see
who can get off faster or better.
When
using spiritual sex techniques, the energies coming through your
body with your partner may make fears surface. This can be a good
thing, though you might not think so at this moment, because unless
you deal with them you cannot heal. When these demons of fear
arise in you, you can confront them, accept them, make friends
with them, make them your allies, and you will ultimately transcend
them. The more open and vulnerable you can be with your partner,
the more your trust in each other will grow.
You
hold your sexual destiny within yourself. This does not happen
overnight. In trust and openness it means you need to let go of
defenses. For this to happen you need to feel protected and secure.
To do this you need a place where you feel comfortable and special.
Tips
For Overcoming Sexual Blocks
- Protect
your sexual energy.
Not that you need yet another reason to nurture yourself,
but giving to others until you're empty gets in the way of
great sex.
- Disarm
the your inner critic
You can turn down the volume on the critical voice that
tells you what nice people "don't do" in the bedroom.
- Find
your sexual voice
Using words and nonverbal feedback to help your significant
other learn about what pleases you is a gift for both of you.
- Cultivate
sexual mindfulness
Replace the concept of "foreplay" with playful,
attentive, erotic immersion in the sensory moment.
- Explore
erotic geography
Get out of the "quickie" rut by savoring all
of the body's erotic hot spots.
- Borrow
your way to great sex.
Stuck on plain vanilla? Tap into the sexual creativity
as there is something for everyone, from mild to wild.
- Shop
your way to great sex.
You may wish to take advantage of the sexual marketplace:
toys, films, and games can combat the erotic doldrums.
General
Principles On Spirituality & Mindful Sex
You
will want to earn how to prepare and enjoy the atmosphere you
want to experience your lovemaking in. For most of you, you are
going to be pleasing your partner as well, so keep his/her likes
and desires in mind while you are doing this, though once you
are together inside your sacred space, he/she isn't going to notice
much but your body and how delightful he/she feels being with
you. You are setting the stage for the delights, enjoyment, and
LOVE to come.
While
I have experienced amazing sex magic in making love I think the
benefit of sex magic as a personal healing tool for the individual
and the couple can be over looked. The energy and openness (at
least on a very basic level) can lead to shift blocks and unresolved
problems. Whether they be of a physical nature spiritual mental
or sexual. I do not mean to say that to heal anyone with these
problems you have to have sex with them. However, it may help.
If
that is both your honest intention, but to all parties concerned
that is what it must be. I more refer to the use of magic within
a loving relationship, however that may be with your other partner(s).
The magic of sexual union of all kinds has been used for untold
reasons for thousands of years. It's power comes from what is
divine. This type of union is very powerful and can be amazing
fun. Visions may be seen enjoy then interpret later. Opening yourself
to another if a wonderful sharing experience. There is no such
thing as just sex. All life is magical. And so all life is three
fold. Think about it.
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