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How to Ask for Better Sex
Improve Their Sexual Performance

One of the most difficult things couples tackle in the bedroom is how to ask for their sexual needs to be met, especially when your partner is lacking in technique or even enthusiasm.

It happens to both men and women and we can assure you that it is quite a common concern for many couples. However, the good news is that most people are more receptive then you may think.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

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In a world that is filled with superficial sexuality without much emphasis on authentic communication about it, many suffer in silence. It can cause emotional suffering and relationship conflicts that can become so bad that it ends in the couple splitting up. That is why this is such an important subject and why we will review with you some things you can do to make communication go more smoothly when it comes to sex.

Ask Questions During Non-Sexual Moments

One of the best ways to open someone to a conversation is to ask questions sincerely and in a non-pressured environment. At the core, everyone wants to feel understood and taking time to ask your lover what excites them, delights them and even to delve into their fantasies is a good place to start. Remember not to come from a place of judgment, rather, allow them the space to speak freely about their sexual desires.

   

Tell Them Your Desires

Express your own desires by telling your lover about your fantasies with them. You can start off by describing how much you would love to get away with them to a romantic location and then go into the details of all the fun you would have. Perhaps this can even open up a conversation about how to make these things a reality.

Avoid Hurting Their Feelings

Obviously, you are not going to want to say something about a former lover, so tell them that you fantasize about them doing those things to you. Do this because it is the truth and it avoids the potential pain of comparison to another lover.

Also, try not to criticize your partner by expressing things from a negative vantage point. By telling them what you desire rather than what you feel you aren't getting allows your partner to feel like they are being approached in a respectful way rather than insulted.

   

Encourage Your Partner

When your partner is doing something wonderful, then encourage them by praising them or telling them how much you love it. Positive reinforcement is much more effective at creating intimacy than criticisms. You can encourage everything from the way they do something to their moans. Making them feel appreciated is a good way to make them want to do more and be more creative with you.

   

Create A Romantic Setting

Doing something as simple as lighting candles, playing erotic music and introducing things like massage oils, special lubricants and massagers allows you to create a mood of relaxation and romance. Doing these things also allows your partner to feel pampered and invites them to pamper you as well.

   

Get An Adult Game

If you partner is extremely passive you may want to introduce an adult game that will allow you to play together and both give and receive. One of our most popular is the Fantasy & Romance Adult Game. There are many from those that are card games to board games. These games allow for an adventure for both of you.

In Conclusion

One of the most important things to consider is the golden rule. Treating them as you would want to be treated by being respectful, encouraging and proactive is the best course of action. After all, don't you feel encouraged to be better at something the more someone gives you praise?

Creating a space where you approach things as a couple will allow you to feel more connected and create deeper intimacy and better sex.

 

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