Ask Lisa          Relationship & Sex Advice With hundreds of eMails coming in every day and while I answer many, it is not possible for me to reply to all of them. However, I wanted to provide a section where we take some of our readers questions and post them on our web site so that we can provide answers that everyone can benefit from having the information available on our web site. To submit your question such as those shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. HolisticWisdom.com Founder

Hi Lisa,

I feel that I need to break up with my boyfriend, and I wondered if you had any tips on the best way to go about doing something like this?

- Shawna

Hi Shawna,

When you are in a relationship with someone (a boyfriend or a girlfriend) that you are no longer romantically interested in, it's time to be honest with them about how you feel as prolonging it is hurtful to you both. The best way to come across during a break up is to be sensitive to their feelings, calm, polite and to be honest about why you are breaking up with them as well as what you want after you break up (friends or not).

1. Find a time when you can be alone with them in person. If you are worried they may make a scene or be violent, then choose a public spot like a park close by so that people are around to help if you need it, but you are able to speak privately.

2. Try to relax and reassure yourself that you are doing what is right for you and that is always worth doing.

3. Tell them that you feel this relationship needs to end and be clear about what you want... if you want a continued friendship you can discuss those boundaries, if you wish not to see them again, try not to make promises you won't keep.

4. Give them a few moments to let what you are saying sink in. Often this comes as a shock to people even if they had a feeling it was going to happen.

5. If they try to convince you to give them another chance, listen to him/her respectfully as you expect them to listen to you. Listening to them does not mean they are going to change your mind, it means that you are giving them the opportunity to speak about what they want.

6. Tell them that you've made up your mind and that you do not feel that there is any chance for making this work out romantically. Tell them that while you respect their views, that you have thought a lot about this and that there is nothing that would change your mind as you know that this is the right thing for you to do.

7. Tell them what level you would like to keep your relationship (acquaintances, never-see-agains, friends, etc.).

8. Again, listen to their response as it important to respect their feelings about this new level of your relationship.

9. Let them go when they feel it is time to end the conversation. Don't try and make them stay to chat more, or quickly dismiss them, after all you took the time to get into this relationship, you can take the time to respectfully depart it.

10. Be honest. Although breakups can be really hard, honesty serves you in that you do not have to be afraid of standing up for your needs and it helps both of you to learn from your relationship so that you can be better partners to future romantic interests.

I hope these tips help, and that it goes well for you and your soon to be ex.

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