Ask Lisa          Relationship & Sex Advice With hundreds of eMails coming in every day and while I answer many, it is not possible for me to reply to all of them. However, I wanted to provide a section where we take some of our readers questions and post them on our web site so that we can provide answers that everyone can benefit from having the information available on our web site. To submit your question such as those shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. HolisticWisdom.com Founder

Hi Lisa,

What is the best time and way to call a woman and ask for her date once you have her phone number?

Hi,

Women are fairly good at accessing whether they want to go out with someone based on the first phone call, so I can understand your desire to get it right. Here are a few tips for ensuring you make a good impression-

When To Call
This really depends on the circumstances in which you got her phone number. If you are calling to set up a blind date, then obviously you can call right away.

Some people say that if you spoke at a party, bar, wedding, etc. briefly and did not say much to one another then you may want to wait a couple of days to call. If you call that night or the next day, you might come off a bit too eager, or even desperate.

As someone who has never been caught up in childish games, I can say that I would not perceive that to be overly eager, in fact, I would find it flattering. However, there are many single gals that love to play games, so you will have to discern if this is someone who likes sincerity or wants you to play the aloof game that so many men seem to think does well for them.

The key in my opinion is not how many days to wait to call, but the confidence you demonstrate when you call. I think a lot of men think women prefer to be jerked around with aloofness and game playing, when in reality women prefer a man who can confidently say what he wants in a respectful manner.

Best Time
Call her in the evening. Like most of us with day jobs, this is when she's most likely to be free to talk. Call after 8 p.m. to avoid interrupting her dinner, but before 10 p.m. in case she goes to bed early. If she seems busy or rushed, ask her if you're calling at a bad time. And if she says that you are, don't ask her to call back. Just find out when a better time would be for you to phone again. You want to keep the ball in your court.

Call From A Comfortable Setting
When you're comfortable and relaxed, it shows through in your voice. Avoid calling from the office or from the car when you're stuck in traffic. Calling from these places is not only uncomfortable, it's also distracting. Instead, call from a quiet room in your pad. You want her to know that she has your undivided attention.

Get Your Voice Relaxed And Clear
Women like a man who sounds cool and confident.

Tips to get your voice sounding its best:

1) Hum out loud with your mouth closed.
    This is a little trick that can help you train your voice to sound deeper right before
     a conversation.

2) Call standing up.
    Talking while standing up will also lend a deeper tone to your voice.

3) Talk slowly.
    Take your time with your words. People sound nervous when they speak
     too quickly.

4) Consider masturbating before you call, you will be more relaxed and your voice
    will reflect it.

Good Small Talk
It's natural to make small talk in a first phone call, but you can still try to keep the conversation interesting. Avoid cliché topics like the weather and politics, and focus instead on subjects that are relevant to both of you.

You also want to be mindful about talking too much about yourself as women notice these things. Actively engage her in the conversation by asking questions instead of just answering the ones she throws your way. Ask her about herself and what she's been up to since you first met, then let the conversation flow from there.

Just keep it light and easygoing. One item you should make sure not to delve into is past relationships. This is a touchy topic of conversation at any point in a relationship, and it's an especially delicate one during a first phone call. Talking about past dates that went sour or relationships where mistakes were made is a guaranteed downer.

Make References To When You Met (If Applicable)
Running out of things to talk about? Try using references to when you met to spark a new direction for the conversation: Was there a random song playing in the background? Was there something memorable that she said? Was there a funny incident at the bar? The possibilities are endless. Try to think of a few things that were memorable about the time you met beforehand to avoid those awful, awkward moments of silence.

Make Her Laugh
There's one thing nearly all women look for in a guy: the ability to make them laugh. Try to drop a few jokes during the conversation to let her know that you have a sense of humor. But don't overdo it: you don't want to come off like you're doing an act.

Don't Be Crude
Revealing your love of Italian food can be good. Revealing your love of porn flicks right off the bat can be bad. There's a fine line between being comfortable and being crude, so make sure you keep the conversation tasteful. By the same token, don't put too much emphasis on framing yourself as high-class. Pompous guys can be just as insufferable as crude ones.

Propose A Specific Date
Make sure that you have an idea in mind for a date before you call. Remember; the ball's in your court, so you're going to be the one to hammer out the details. Be specific about a location and day that you'd like to meet up. Where should you go? Grabbing a drink together always makes for a relaxed first date, and you can consult one of the various nightlife guides out there for tips on a good spot. Be assertive, but have a backup plan. If she can't make it that day or doesn't like the type of place you suggest, then propose an alternative. If at that point she still refuses, let her offer a suggestion.

Hang Up Once You've Secured The Date
Don't feel the need to keep the conversation going after she agrees to a date. That's the primary objective of the first phone call, and she knows it. There will be plenty of time for deep conversation later on. In general, the phone call shouldn't last longer than five to 10 minutes. The less time you chat, the smaller the window to blurt out something you may later feel was stupid.

Make Clear Intentions
Make sure she knows you're interested in her romantically. The last thing you want is for this potential hook up to turn into friends just hanging out. Don't suggest going out with a group of people. Nothing says platonic like a group date. Furthermore, make sure that you get together at night, as daytime dates can feel unromantic. You can also offer to pick her up. This will send a clear signal that what you're proposing is a romantic date.

Don't Leave A Message
When in doubt, hang up If she's not home, never leave a message. You don't want to make the same mistake that Jon Favreau's character did in Swingers. Nothing good can come out of talking to her voice mail. If someone else answers the phone, just say that you'll call back later. Remember; you always want the ball in your court.

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