Tell your lover about your observations and compassionately let her know that when she is ready to talk about it that you are there. Let her know that you really want to help her to work through any uncomfortable feelings she has, because you desire her to be happy and to feel free with you sexually. Let her speak about it without trying to fix it for her; rather let her explore questions such as how long she has felt that way and how she feels it affects her. Ask her things that will help her do that without judgment or an agenda other than just being there for her. By taking this approach you empower her to be the one to deal with it. When you try to fix it, you may just end up making her feel defensive. If you and your lover find that there are deep rooted issues that arise that feel overwhelming to you both, do not hesitate to contact a therapist to help you explore things in more detail and find ways to work through them. Going to a therapist is not a sign of failure, rather it is simply acknowledging that having someone there to help guide you through would be beneficial. After all, you go to a mechanic when you need work on your car when you cannot do it yourself and there is no shame in that. Going to a therapist is no different. Therapists that specialize in sexual health are easily found. Make sure that they are well trained and work well with your personalities. Just because some one is well credentialed does not mean they are a good match. You should respect and like your therapist not just accept them because they are the first that you spoke to or are well qualified. In fact, feel free to do a brief interview with them about their therapeutic style. A good therapist will be happy to share that with you.
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