Ask Lisa          Relationship & Sex Advice With hundreds of eMails coming in every day and while I answer many, it is not possible for me to reply to all of them. However, I wanted to provide a section where we take some of our readers questions and post them on our web site so that we can provide answers that everyone can benefit from having the information available on our web site. To submit your question such as those shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. HolisticWisdom.com Founder

Hi Lisa,

We are a nice couple that have been toying with the idea of having a interracial threesome. I have found that my wife loves (I mean loves) when we watch adult videos of interracial sex. We have talked about it for months.

She loves seeing a black male and a white woman together. We have black dildos (about 4 of them) and she can work them forever. I incorporate dirty talk about a black guy in her office building and it drives her crazy.

I have told her I am very cool with us taking the next step and her actually trying the "real thing" but I can't seem to get her to take the next step... any advice? Am I missing something? I think it would be very exciting and orgasmic for both of us.

Thanks, Rick

Hi Rick,

Thank you for your inquiry. What people fantasize about and what they want in reality can be completely different. In fantasies people have complete control of what happens and it stays at a distance emotionally. Bringing a fantasy into reality can be a very different experience and may even be undesirable.

For example, some women fantasize about being raped, however in the fantasy, they are controlling where things go. If it happens in reality they are not in control and now have completely different feelings about what is happening to them. While I am not trying to compare a threesome to rape, I think you can understand that sometimes what someone feels comfortable with in their fantasies is not always comfortable in real life. It will mean that she has to bring into play a variety of things, including where you fit into all of this.

Many people think that threesomes will be exciting and fun, however more often than not, they do not consider that there may be all kinds of problems that can arise... the biggies are jealousy and shame. Then there is the question of what happens if she leaves you for the other guy? What happens if you begin to see her differently and no longer want to be with her?

It is important to explore the reality of what this means, not just focusing on the fun parts because you could be jeopardizing your relationship if you proceed, although, you may also enhance it. You and she will need to explore this further. Here are articles I have written on the subject. I hope they help.

Threesomes- Couples Considering It

Swingers & The Lifestyle

Sexual Resources