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Home » Sexual Resources » Sex Articles » Sex & Society

Lesbian & Gay Marriage
Basic Civil Rights For LGBT+

Please note this article is solely addressing the homosexual marriage debate. For more information regarding LGBT+ please see our article Sexual Orientation & Identity: Understanding LGBPTTQQIIAA+

Arguments Against Homosexual Marriage

There are many reasons being offered these days for opposing gay marriage and they are usually variations on a few well established themes. I have outlined these themes throughout this article and will address each of them.

What Is Marriage?

Marriage is a powerful legal and social institution that protects and supports intimate family relationships by providing a unique set of rights, privileges, and benefits. Those who can marry often take these rights for granted, but for gays and lesbians these benefits have been unfairly denied.

I am among millions of heterosexual, married women and men in support of homosexual marriage.

Read Why It Is A Civil Right

By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.

Related Topics

Florida Gay Marriage
Georgia Gay Marriage
MA Gay Marriage
California Court Bans Same Sex Marriages
Spain Gay Marriage
Canada Gay Marriage
Gays In Iran Get Death

Religious Hypocrisy

Certain politicians are working diligently to prevent marriage between two people of the same sex. However, it seems to me that despite creating laws based on religion (which is unconstitutional in the first place), there seems to be deep hypocrisy about what scriptures of the bible they choose to ask the rest of us to live by...

If you take what the scripture of the bible says then you would also have to abide by the following rules-

1) Marriage in the United States of America shall consist of a union between one man and one or more women. (Gen 29:17-28; II Sam 3:2-5.)

2) Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition to his wife or wives. (II Sam 5:13; I Kings 11:3; II Chron 11:21)

3) A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed. (Deut 22:13-21)

4) Marriage of a believer and a nonbeliever shall be forbidden (Gen 24:3; Num 25:1-9; Ezra 9:12; Neh 10:30)

5) Since marriage is for life, neither the US Constitution nor any state law shall permit divorce based on - (Deut 22:19; Mark 10:9-12)

6) If a married man dies without children, his brother must marry the widow. If the brother refuses to marry the widow, or deliberately does not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise punished in a manner to be determined by law. (Gen. 38:6-10;Deut 25:5-10)

7) In lieu of marriage (if there are no acceptable men to be found), a woman shall get her father drunk and have sex with him. (Gen 19:31-36)

Think about how many things the bible tells Christians they should do and then take a moment to question why people think that it is not only the word of God (not the word of men inspired by God) and that it should be taken literally. It seems the dark ages when certain ultraconservative Christian groups were about political greed and power are not over.

Arguments Against Gay Marriage

Marriage Is An Institution Between A Man And A Woman

This is the most often heard argument against gay marriage, yet it is easily one of the weakest arguments. Who is marriage to be defined by? Isn't this whole debate like allowing a certain ethnic group to be married, but another not to be because of religious reasons? Isn't our country supposed to protect our civil rights and not allow any religion to supersede our rights? This is much like Texas state law wanting to say that Joanne Webb cannot sell sex toys because apparently ultraconservatives feel that plastic vibrators are against God's will. Can you imagine how the fundamentalist Christians would react if the government was trying to impose Pagan or Jewish marriage ceremonies to be required by law in order to be valid?


For some reason many conservative Christian groups are under the impression that this country is Christian and that laws should be based on their beliefs. While I am not saying that Christians, Jews, Buddhists and other religions should not have their beliefs; I am saying they should not impose them as law in the United States. Our country stands for freedom and to have the audacity to say to the world that our country stands for freedom only when it adheres to certain religious beliefs is truly a disgrace.

We have received many emails from American soldiers that are currently defending our country who thank us for the articles that we write. It is their stance that freedom of speech and sexual rights is part of why they are risking their lives. I cannot tell you how meaningful that is for us to hear. Isn't that what America is supposed to be about... Freedom?

Marriage Is For Procreation

If that's the case, then why are infertile couples allowed to marry? I, for one, would love to be there when it is to explained to a menopausal mother or impotent father that since they cannot procreate, they cannot marry. Such an argument fails to persuade based on the marriages society does allow routinely.

Same-Sex Couples Should Not Raise Children

That's an interesting one, in light of who society does allow to get married and bring children into their marriage: murderers, convicted felons, and known child molesters are all allowed to freely marry and procreate, and do so every day. So if children are the priority here, why is this allowed?

The fact is that many gay couples raise children who are adopted, born through artificial fertilization or from failed attempts at heterosexual marriages. Many studies have demonstrated that the outcomes of children raised in gay and lesbian homes are just as healthy as those of straight couples. Psychologists tell us that what makes the difference is the love of the parents, not their gender. These studies show that gay and lesbian people are just as capable of loving and caring for children as much as anyone else.

Gay Relationships Are Immoral

According to whom? Is this based on the Bible? When it comes to the law, freedom of religion implies the right to freedom from religion as well. The Bible should have absolutely no standing in American law as it defies our constitutional rights.

It is also important to remember that not all world religions have a problem with homosexuality. Buddhism, for example, celebrates gay relationships. In this regard, the religious freedom of those who are Buddhist is being infringed upon. If one believes in religious freedom, then it must be acknowledged that homosexual marriage is one of those freedoms as well.

Marriages Are For Ensuring The Continuation Of The Species

Considering that right now the earth is OVER POPULATED this argument is truly one of the most ridiculous. Not to mention that this would contradict the argument that Gays should not have children.

Same-Sex Marriage Would Threaten The Institution Of Marriage

If you allow gays and lesbians to marry one another, you will no longer be encouraging them to marry people to whom they feel little attraction; which in turn will lower divorce rates. If anything, gay marriage will actually help to increase the longevity of heterosexual marriage. As a heterosexual woman who has been married for many years, I can assure you that not once has the legalization of gay marriage in any state affected my marriage. The idea that it would impact marriage negatively is absurd.

Marriage Is Traditionally A Heterosexual Institution

Slavery was also a traditional institution. Enough said.

There Is No Proof That Same-Sex Marriage Will Work

Gay marriage has been legal in Denmark since 1989 and the rest of Scandinavia soon followed. The results have been positive. When the law was being debated 72 percent of Danish clergy were opposed to it. A 1995 survey showed that 89 percent of the Danish clergy now admit that the law is good. There has been a reduction in suicide, the spread of sexually transmitted diseases, promiscuity and infidelity among gays.

Same Sex Marriage Will Lead To Legalized Incest, Bestial Marriage And Other Horrible Standards

This argument is preposterous especially when those have nothing to do with two consenting adults who love one another it is just down right insulting to gays and lesbians. It is no different than trying to claim that heterosexuals may start practicing incest or having sex with animals if they don't get married.

The reality is that a form of gay marriage has been legal in Scandinavian countries for many years, and no such legalization has happened. It's a classic scare tactic making the end scenario so scary and horrible that the first step should never be taken.

Such tactics are signs you are dealing with someone that either is afraid and lives in fear of their own sexuality or someone who wants power over you through your fear... either way it is a ludicrous point. If we listened to our hearts, not our fears, we would be much better off.

Convicted murderers, child molesters, pedophiles, drug dealers, etc., are all free to marry. Where's the outrage about that? This is an anti-gay issue and not a pro marriage issue.

Granting Gays The Right To Marry Is A "Special" Right

That is like saying that allowing African Americans to sit at the front of the bus is a special right. How absurd. As Justice Kennedy observed in his opinion overturning Colorado's infamous Amendment 2 (Roemer vs. Evans), many gay and lesbian Americans are, under current law, denied civil rights protection that others either don't need or assume that everyone else along with themselves, already have.

The problem with all this "special rights" talk is that it assumes that everyone is already treated equally, therefore any rights gay people are being granted must therefore be special. That is most assuredly not the case, especially regarding marriage and all the legal protections that go along with it.

Sodomy Is Illegal

Actually it's not anymore... in November 2003 the Supreme Court voted that "The petitioners are entitled to respect for their private lives," Justice Anthony Kennedy wrote for the court's majority. "The state cannot demean their existence or control their destiny by making their private sexual conduct a crime."

The REAL Reasons People Oppose Gay Marriage

So far, we've examined the reasons everyone give for opposing gay marriage. Let's examine now the real reasons people oppose and fear it-

Not Comfortable With The Idea Of It

We all have the right not to be comfortable with things. However, if you live in a country where you are comfortable with everything then you probably aren't living in a free democracy. That is part of the compromise of freedom. There are going to be things that make some people uncomfortable with what you believe and how you live. For example, I am uncomfortable with racists and fundamentalist religions but I respect that they have the right to believe what they want to. I certainly would not advocate for laws to be passed that support my beliefs and infringe on their rights.

An interesting observation regarding the gay marriage debate was made by Bill Maher (Real Time Show on HBO) who said homophobics think that - "The only thing that a man should put in another man is a bullet." He also made the point that it is not lesbians that seem to disturb most people, it is gay or bisexual men.

It Offends Everything Religion Represents

Whose religion?

Many mainstream Christian denominations, to be sure, and definitely most branches of Islam and Orthodox Judaism, but outside those, most religions are unopposed to gay marriage, and many actually favor it. When the Mormon church arrogantly claimed to represent all religions in the Baehr vs. Lewin trial in Hawaii, the principal Buddhist sect in that state made it very clear that the Mormon church didn't represent them, and made it very clear that they support the right of gay couples to marry.

That particular Buddhist sect claims many more members in Hawaii than does the Mormon church. In a society that claims to offer religious freedom, the use of the power of the state to enforce private religious sensibilities is an affront to all who would claim the right to worship according to the dictates of their own conscience.

Regardless, religious freedom does not just mean the right to worship with your choice of religion, but also freedom FROM religion.

Marriage Is A Sacred Institution

Who says? This is based on the assumption that the state has the responsibility to 'sanctify' marriages; a fundamentally religious idea. Here we're dealing with people trying to enforce their religious doctrines onto everyone, but by doing it through weakening the separation of church and state, thus undermining the Bill of Rights.

Gay Sex Is Unnatural

Nature reveals that there are 450 of animal species that demonstrate homosexual behavior and it ranges from displays of affection to life long bonding including sex and even adopting and raising orphans. Nature demonstrates that this is indeed natural.

Sex With Two Men Is Not Masculine

Just as there are effeminate gay men there are effeminate straight men. There are also masculine lesbians and masculine straight women. The point is that we all possess masculine and feminine attributes.

You might think I am masculine for being the CEO of my company, for knowing about automobile repair and you might also find me feminine with my need for too many pillows on the bed to decorate it or for liking chick flicks. Personally, I think that the show Queer Eye For The Straight Guy shows that many straight males could use some help!

Homosexuals Might Recruit

This is based on the fact that most heterosexuals are so repressed, confused and uneducated about their own sexuality that they feel scared when presented with something out of the mainstream. Homosexuals do not recruit straight people to be gay, in fact I would say that with all the Religious Fundamentalists out there trying to brainwash homosexuals that they are suffering from a disease and can be cured that it is the opposite! Heterosexuals try and recruit homosexuals all the time, isn't that hypocritical?

Why This Is A Civil Rights Issue

Did you know that homosexuals cannot make medical decisions for their partners in an emergency. Instead, the hospitals are usually forced by state laws or to go to the families who may be estranged from them for decades, who are often hostile to them, and totally ignore their wishes for the treatment of their partners.

If their partners are arrested, they can be compelled to testify against them or provide evidence against them, which legally married couples are not forced to do. Is this fair?

In many cases, even carefully drawn wills and durable powers of attorney have proven to not be enough if a family wishes to challenge a will, overturn a custody decision, or exclude them from a funeral or deny them the right to visit a partner's grave. As survivors, they can even seize a real estate property that they may have been buying together for years, quickly sell it at a huge loss and stick them with the remaining debt on a property they no longer own. Is this fair?

These aren't just theoretical issues, either; they happen often. Almost any older gay couple can tell you horror stories of friends who have been victimized in such ways.


Without Legal Marriage, Homosexuals Do Not Have The Rights For-

  • Accidental death benefit for the surviving spouse of a government employee.
  • Appointment as guardian of a minor.
  • Award of child custody in divorce proceedings.
  • Beneficial owner status of corporate securities.
  • Bill of Rights benefits for victims and witnesses.
  • Burial of service member's dependents;
  • Certificates of occupation.
  • Consent to post-mortem examination;
  • Continuation of rights under existing homestead leases.
  • Control, division, acquisition, and disposition of community property
  • Criminal injuries compensation.
  • Death benefit for surviving spouse for government employee.
  • Disclosure of vital statistics records;
  • Division of property after dissolution of marriage.
  • Eligibility for housing opportunity allowance program of the Housing, Finance and Development Corporation.
  • Exemption from claims of Department of Human Services for social services payments, financial assistance, or burial payments.
  • Exemption from conveyance tax.
  • Exemption from regulation of condominium sales to owner-occupants.
  • Funeral leave for government employees.
  • Homes of totally disable veterans exempt from property taxes.
  • Income tax deductions, credits, rates exemption, and estimates.
  • Inheritance of land patents;
  • Insurance licenses, coverage, eligibility, and benefits organization of mutual benefits society.
  • Legal status with partner’s children;
  • Making, revoking, and objecting to anatomical gifts.
  • Making partner medical decisions;
  • Nonresident tuition deferential waiver;
  • Notice of guardian ad litem proceedings.
  • Notice of probate proceedings.
  • Payment of wages to a relative of deceased employee.
  • Payment of worker's compensation benefits after death.
  • Permission to make arrangements for burial or cremation.
  • Proof of business partnership.
  • Public assistance from the Department of Human Services.
  • Qualification at a facility for the elderly;
  • Real property exemption from attachment or execution.
  • Right of survivorship to custodial trust;
  • Right to be notified of parole or escape of inmate.
  • Right to change names.
  • Right to enter into premarital agreement.
  • Right to file action for nonsupport;
  • Right to inherit property.
  • Right to purchase leases and cash freehold agreements concerning the management and disposition of public land.
  • Right to sue for tort and death by wrongful act.
  • Right to support after divorce.
  • Right to support from spouse.
  • Rights and proceedings for involuntary hospitalization and treatment.
  • Rights by way of dour or courtesy.
  • Rights to notice, protection, benefits, and inheritance under the uniform probate code.
  • Sole interest in property.
  • Spousal privilege and confidential marriage communications.
  • Spousal immigration benefits.
  • Status of children.
  • Support payments in divorce action.
  • Tax relief for natural disaster losses.
  • Vacation allowance on termination of public employment by death.
  • Veterans' preference to spouse in public employment.
  • In vitro fertilization coverage.
  • Waiver of fees for certified copies and searches of vital statistics.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO

These are all civil rights not "special" rights.

Help stop the discrimination, and allow LGBT+ people the same rights as all Americans should have.


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