Having A Strong Marriage
         What Can Help You Go The Distance

Monitor Yourself When we are tired, stressed, hurt or angry all of us are capable of saying hurtful things to another person. When we do they are often things we really wish we had not said. Couples who avoid saying every angry thought when discussing sensitive topics are consistently the happiest. Soften your approach and remember that the more careless you are in your comments the more conflict there can be. Critical or contemptuous remarks in a confrontational tone will never get you what you ultimately want.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. HolisticWisdom.com Founder

Accept Compromise

The key is for BOTH partners to offer solutions to meet their spouse's needs. If one partner compromises much more often, you will find trouble down the road. There needs to be a common respect from each partner and a willingness to bend when needed.

Have High Standards

The most successful couples are those who refuse to exhibit or accept hurtful behavior from one another. The lower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of a relationship, the happier the couple is down the road.

Learn to Successfully Heal & End An Argument

Successful couples know how to exit an argument and how to repair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control. Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completely unrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark ("I understand that this is hard for you"); making it clear you're on common ground ("This is our problem"); backing down (offering signs of appreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way ("I really appreciate and want to thank you for...."). If an argument gets too heated, take a 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are both calm.

Focus On The Positive

In a happy marriage, couples make at least five times as many positive statements to and about each other and their relationship ("We laugh a lot") as opposed negative ones ("We never have fun"). A good marriage must have a rich climate of positive feelings, statements and beliefs.

Seek Help When Needed

The average couple waits six years before seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of all marriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the average couple lives with unhappiness for far too long.