A Letter To The Wives...
    From The Other Woman

You might think me a very bold woman, taking the liberty of talking to you. After all I am the kind of woman most women love to hate. I may not have actually had sex with your husband, but I have had sex with a lot of women's husbands.

Dating married men was not an interest of mine, mind you. In fact, I have only dated two married men in my entire life. The first married man I ever had an affair with, was in an open relationship with his wife - she had a younger lover and he was free to have sex with whomever he pleased. I met him my second year of college. He was my roommate's dad. I don't regret having sex with him because he was married. His wife could have cared less. But I could tell it bothered my roommate even though she smiled and acted agreeable about the whole thing. I regret any hurt or confusion I caused her.

The other married man was a summer fling the year I turned twenty-one. I took a job in a Reno casino during summer break my junior year of college. One of my co-workers was an attractive man who happened to be married. I made a decision to have sex with him despite his marital status because I had no intentions of actually developing a relationship with him. We had sex a couple times and it was just about the sex. I had no illusions about a romance or a relationship. Being a wild young woman with a strong libido, it fit my needs at the time. A few pangs of guilt flitted through my conscience but I was far too busy dating and having sex with several other men at the time to give it much thought.

I did not let myself take married men seriously. Even at this young age, I was clear on two things from the start. First, married men who cheat on their wives can not be trusted. And secondly, I required any man I was in a relationship with to put me in the center of his life. Obviously, by definition a married man could not put me at the center of his life, so having a relationship with a married man was out of the question. But sex for the sake of sex was another matter.

Nevertheless, even in the pursuit of sex, I avoided married men for the most part. Except for the two men I have already mentioned, I only dated and bedded single men. I demanded far too much attention from my men to tolerate a situation which required sharing a man with another woman - even when my objective was simply sex. Maybe on some level I also thought it was wrong.

How then did I get to where I am now - being notorious for having sex with literally hundreds of married men? Well a funny thing happened after I graduated from college and began pursuing my corporate career. I eventually became frustrated with on-the-job sexual harassment and unequal pay - things most women must tolerate even now in our supposedly modern times. But my solution was controversial to say the least. I made a conscious decision to become an escort or a so-called "high-class" prostitute. My reasoning was if I was going to put up with sexism, I might as well demand a premium price for the irritation factor.

So I guess technically, I have dated hundreds of married men, although I have never considered it dating. Escorting is a job. True, it is a job which pays one to spend time with and have sex with men. But regardless of how it looks to others or how it seems to the client, an escort never loses sight of the fact that she is getting paid.

That isn't to say I was cold or detached. Quite the contrary, I stayed in the business for fourteen years and in that time I had clients that stayed with me for the duration of my career. A decade plus allows for a great deal of emotional intimacy to develop in addition to the physical familiarity. I graduated college with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and although I am not a therapist, I suppose I approached escorting with values similar to those I learned while pursuing my degree. For instance, I genuinely cared for most of my clients and yet I maintained my professional boundaries. Like a therapist, I was attentive to the needs and the emotions of my clients during their appointment with me, but that did not entail "falling in love" with them. I never desired to transform the professional relationship into a personal relationship.

Frankly I believe a professional relationship affords some advantages which cannot be obtained in personal relationships. That is why our culture provides for professional relationships in the first place and I don't believe it cheapens our human experience. Sometimes you want advice from your mother and sometimes you need a therapist. Similarly, sex in the context of a personal relationship can be a wonderful and marvelous part of life but sex with a professional has its place too. Professional boundaries can be affected with genuine caring and concern for the human connection. We all understand this when it comes to counseling services. Our culture just makes it very difficult for most people to comprehend when the same principles are applied to sex.

Most people are shocked to find that when married men stray, they in fact often form long-term relationships with their mistress or whore. But it is a well-known fact in the escorting profession. Turns out most men actually crave established relationships over sexual variety. We call these clients "regulars" and most escorts attempt to build a client base comprised of a lot of "regulars."

The reason we prefer regulars is two-fold. First, escorting can be a dangerous profession and once you have secured a safe client, you prefer to keep him. Secondly, regular clients like you the way you are so it is simply more comfortable work. While a new client might be disappointed to find out that you don't provide a particular service, a regular client loves what you do provide and is content with you and what you do. To put it simply, escorts are safe and comfortable with their regular clients.

During my first couple of years as an escort, I saw very few married men. I was providing something called "outcalls" which entails driving to the client's home or hotel for sex. The appointment might last an hour or even several hours and the encounter might include a fair amount of conversation and cuddling. But the focus is definitely on sex. I discovered that most married men were just too paranoid to invite a prostitute to their home even if their wife was away for a few days. What if the escort left something behind and their wife found it? Granted, a few married men took this chance without giving it a moment of concern. These husbands were seasoned pros themselves. I even knew one man who would have me come to his house while his wife was out for just a couple hours. Talk about balls.

But the majority of my outcall clientele were either married out-of-town businessmen who were staying in hotels or single men who invited me to their home after they got home from work. Although I never took anyone's word for anything as an escort, a modicum of experience taught me the difference between married men and single guys. The married guy who is trying to pass himself off as single is usually nervous and/or very secretive. Surprisingly perhaps, most men will simply tell an escort that they are married. It doesn't bother them much and many of them even enjoy sharing things about their marriage and their wives and their children.

Of course, if you have access to a man's home it quickly becomes obvious that he is either living with a woman or living alone. I have seen some pretty dismal bachelor pads over the years. Thankfully men now have access to things like "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" because they need the help. It isn't always a matter of money either. I have visited the homes of wealthy single men whose surroundings were stark to put it nicely.

When I visited the homes of married clients, I usually saw photos of their wives and children framed and mounted in the hallways or resting on the nightstand next to the very bed we had sex on. I couldn't help but think about how I would feel if my husband did what these husbands were doing and lied about it. And I wondered how these married men justified or integrated this aspect of their behavior with the rest of their lives. Sometimes their guilt was palpable and even interfered with their sexual function. Other times it seemed the fact that sex with me would have angered their wives had they known about it, only added another note of pleasure for them.

My single clients were usually painfully lonely guys who either lacked the social skills to date women for free or were too heartbroken over a recent break-up or divorce to re-join the dating scene just yet. Retaining the services of an escort gave them the opportunity to have some sexual contact while they healed emotionally or attempted to come out of their shy shell. A small percentage of my single clients were also handicapped in some way. I found it inspiring that those men who were unable to access whole portions of their bodies due to paralysis or amputation or birth defect still craved sexual contact with another person.

There is one other type of client that deserves some mention here and he could be married or single. The sex addicted client is a disturbing creature. He can never get enough sex, must usually continually try "new things" in bed to keep it exciting and never really connects with the person he has sex with. Fortunately, over the years I learned to weed the sex addicts out of my list of regulars. In my personal life I put a high premium on sobriety and I really have no patience for addictive behavior in my professional life either.

When I stopped providing "outcalls" and started offering "incalls" - an appointment which takes place at the escort's home or "office" - my married clientele skyrocketed. Turns out married men mostly make appointments with escorts during the day and they prefer to come to the escort's location rather than risk a visit to their home. After several years of doing outcalls to mostly single men, I was a little shocked to encounter so many married clients. They had been there all along; I just had not been providing the very specific set of circumstances most married men require. Whereas single men preferred that I come to their home late at night, married men preferred the discrete location that incalls afford. Married clients also require a very narrow time frame so I had to change my entire work schedule and even the way I worked.

Most outcall appointments took place in the evening from about 7PM to 12 midnight, but incalls were preferred from about 10AM to 6PM. The rush hours were the lunch hour and just after 5PM when most of the men got off of work. These times of day were so popular, I might sit in my office most of the day with nothing to do and suddenly have 3 to 5 men who all wanted a 5PM appointment. It was a bit of a juggling act to try to fit them all in but I did the best I could and then asked the ones I could not accommodate that day to schedule for the next day. The time constraints of my married clients were very precise so they didn't mind a strict hour and I was able to fit them in one after another. So a typical work schedule might be five one hour appointments on a given day spaced out as follows: 11AM, 12PM, 1PM, 4:30PM & 5:30PM