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A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.

His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat.

The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"

Silicone Sex Toys
What You Should Know

Silicone is a perfect material for producing fine adult toys as it is superior to many other commonly used materials. Medical Grade Silicone is the most reliable, safe, health-smart soft material used for toys.

Medical grade refers to 100% Ultra-Premium Platinum quality silicone, and while some sex toy companies claim to use silicone, it is the 100% silicone in sex toys that are the most pure.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

Silicone sex toys require little maintenance and can last a lifetime. Silicone is hygienic, there are no open pores to harbor bacteria. Silicone is also hypoallergenic and has no reaction to the human body; 100% silicone toys are completely inert. They don't alter pH balance, or cause a reaction to the body's natural chemistry.

Silicone Is Phthalate Free-

Silicone is phthalate free (Phthalates are used in PVC pipes and other plastics and may cause cancer). You can recognize a toy with phthalates by the smell (if you can smell a toy, it is leaching chemicals).

Toys made of "jelly" and other mystery materials use phthalates as plasticizers to soften an otherwise hard material. Most bodies react to phthalates as an allergy. With inflammation, rashes and discharge-mimicking a yeast infection.

Phthalates are also endocrine disruptors; they interfere with normal animal hormonal systems effectively supplementing a person's estrogen. They are also respiratory inhibitors.

Avoid Silicone Lubricants-

The reason to not use silicone lubricants on silicone toys, is that a silicone lubricant may bond to the toy and ruin it. This isn't true for ALL silicone toys as it depends on the purity of the silicone toy and the purity of the lubricant.

If you wish to test your silicone toy with silicone lube use the bottom of the flanged base and do a test square.

Cleaning Silicone Toys-

Silicone is easy to clean. Silicone can be boiled or bleached; they're even dishwasher safe. We recommend antibacterial dishwashing soap. Our 100% medical grade sex toys are completely safe up to 600� F.

Examples Of Silicone Sex Toys-

Silicone Sex Toys

Hypoallergenic, no smell, no taste, dishwasher safe, boilable, bleachable and full of fun!

These products are 100% silicone and the safest most durable toys on the market.

Kelsey Knox had maintained herself well and at forty-three, after having given birth to three kids, she still turned men�s heads wherever she went. It wasn�t always easy, especially when she was forced to pass up a delicious dessert or forego those sloppy, sweet drinks at a party. On the other hand, she had enjoyed the early morning runs about the neighborhood and the social life at the gym.

Mostly though, she enjoyed the fact that she had kept her youthful figure and svelte looks and the knowledge that she was a desirable woman. She had never considered sex outside her marriage and enjoyed the intimacy that came from familiarity and experience. Her limited experience with a couple of high school boys had soon led her to believe her husband was a consummate lover and he filled her needs well.

Then, as she gave birth and raised her daughters, she and her husband�s sex life began to abate. There was no time for the slow leisurely lovemaking sessions as the daughters came first. Life had begun to fall into a routine.

Just nine months ago, with the youngest daughter having departed for life in college, Kels had begun to sense an awakening of her sexual needs and desires. It wasn�t a sudden rush of lust or a surge of passion; nor, was it a special event or happening that triggered it. It was a delicious, warm, cozy feeling that she savored.

As her needs increased, she sensed no similar heightened response from her husband who simply adhered to the old set routine. Kels, hoping to restore their old ways, began to turn up the heat. She wore sexy night clothes. Evenings, she wore shear negligee�s and prepared candle lit dinners to awaken his old lust. For all of her efforts, Kelsey found no response.

Her husband was investing himself and long hours into his profession and arrived home late at night, too tired to play. Kels had understood at first, even supported it. Then, she had begun to resent it�s unwelcome intrusion into her life.

It was late afternoon when she stood before her mirror, fresh from the shower, and looked at herself for approval. Her neatly trimmed thatch in her groin looked different and she hoped it would please her husband. As her eyes carefully examined the rest of her body, she felt a surge of confidence and her spirits rose. Every bit of her 5'-9" body could pass for fifteen years younger - she was still hot!

That evening passed with her husband�s favorite dinner, well prepared, served by candlelight and Kels in her sheer pale green negligee followed by some quick, routine sex and sleep. In bed, beside her sleeping husband, she felt of her neatly trimmed bush and remembered that her husband hadn�t even noticed. She felt the anger rise up.

As she lay awake, she began to consider her plight. She wanted her husband more than anything - to feel him in her and on her, loving her. Then, out of her resentment and anger, she began to entertain thoughts of another man - a man who might be able to fill the needs her husband would not!

Over the next few days, she pondered the concept of another man to meet her needs. She examined not only her expectations of the man and how she might chose him but the guilt and shame that such a tryst would incur. The concept slowly evolved from an improbable daydream to a very real plan.

Of course, she reassured herself, it�d never happen. Some months previously, Kelsey had decided to take on a part-time job in real estate sales and had been modestly successful. At first she only worked a few hours a week at her leisure but with her increasing frustrations at home, her hours had steadily increased and she was developing a reputation as a top real estate sales person.

To counter her daydreams and needs, she had sought to fill her life with work, leaving little time to carry out her plan for a tryst. As she stood before the mirror, doing her self appraisal, the telephone had rung and she had taken a call from an international industrial enterprise asking if she was available to assist them in acquiring property.

A meeting had been arranged and Kels had left for the meeting that morning after her unsatisfactory evening in a rather sour disposition. On arrival at the meeting, she had been introduced to the members of the firm�s land acquisition team and returned their firm handshakes with the best luke warm greeting she could muster.

The meeting started well as the company explained their needs and their research to find a competent agent. Then, it was Kelsey�s turn and she began to explain her abilities and her strong points to the small assembly. She spoke in a cold, business tone and could not bring the warmth and personality into her presentation that would be needed to sell it. The meeting ended with no decision.

As she returned home, Kels was near to crying. She knew she had just muffed her biggest business deal and she was frustrated. Things had to change. It was on an impulse that she bought a ticket to Las Vegas and boarded the plane without even time to pack clothes or prepare. She had to get away. Then, once in the Sin City, she booked a hotel. From there she called her husband and found him busily engaged at his office as usual. She said, "Baby, I�m in Las Vegas in this big king sized bed and tonight somebody�s going to fuck me right here... I�m hoping it�ll be you!"

Her husband had reacted with the expected response, he was overloaded with work. He couldn�t spare the time..." He was rejecting her again! She responded quietly, "Well, I�ll find somebody. Sorry it couldn�t be you but I�m horny and I gotta� have it." Then, as she hung up the telephone she burst into tears.

The die was cast! With no immediate plan, save for picking up a suitable man and bringing him to her bed, she showered, dressed conservatively in her only clothes, and left the room to go to dinner. Then, after dining alone, she passed through the casino into the bar where she took up a position at the bar.

She felt no joy, only a need and a seething anger: As she sat, she forced herself to check out each male that came into the bar and occasionally, their eyes met. One after another, she rejected them. It was when a young, very athletic looking, guy came in, searched about and went directly to Kels. He approached her as their eyes met and she felt her spirits rise. This guy wanted her and he was a �hunk�. Perhaps she might just like to make it with a man her daughters age.

"Hi! I�m Less," he said, "I was hoping I�d meet a woman like you" and the conversation started. In a minute, Les and Kels had moved to a table and ordered another round of drinks. They talked, friendly light chatter at first; then, after another round of drinks, Les made his intentions known - he wanted to be with her for the night and make love to her. Kels had listened to his plan with interest as she considered it in relation to her own. Another round of drinks and it was nearly midnight as Les began to make suggestions about moving on and putting some urgency to his quest.

His hands began to touch hers and his eyes spoke of his need. Kels responded to the touches with her own and her eyes spoke of indecision, it was up to Les to convince her.

Behind her overt actions, her covert thoughts were in a turmoil - much as she wanted to get laid and much as she appreciated Les�s advances, she held back! When Les stood, took her hand and said, "Come on Kel, it�s time to go my room," she stood and accompanied him out of the bar and across the casino.

She had realized that she was drunk. Then, as they entered the elevator alone, Les faced her and kissed her square on the lips. His tongue found it�s way into her mouth and she returned it with vigor. It was at that moment that she changed her mind. She pushed Les back and said, "I can�t do it. I�m sorry Les but I can�t do it. I�m sorry I�ve wasted your evening. " As the elevator door opened, Les stepped out on to his floor and disappeared. . . As Kelsey pushed the button for her floor, she felt the tears rise.

She chastised herself for having �chickened out� and went to her room. Then, back in her room, she showered and cleaned up before going to bed. The liquor and the events of the day had left her tired and she slept. It was shortly after five o�clock in the morning when she was awakened by a knocking at her door. She awoke slowly, disturbed by the late call and searching for an answer for Les�s late night call.

Perhaps she�d invite him in... no! As she pulled on the hotel robe and opened the door, her husband walked in, grabbed her in an embrace with enthusiasm she hadn�t felt in years. He kissed her and as their lips met his tongue found it�s way into her mouth. Again, she felt his familiar ardor and found herself reacting involuntarily to him.

Then she remembered that she was pissed at him. She pushed back as her husband advanced and resisted. She felt him stiffen and draw her closer and felt his manhood through their clothes, proud against her belly. She continued to resist as he pressed himself on to her. "Stop!" she said as she struggled to sound convincing.

Hubby pulled back slightly and looked into her eyes to see the defiance, "God ! You look good. You haven�t looked this good in years." Kels did not respond - only stood resisting him! "Let�s make a baby," he said. Again, she stood mum - resisting! It was then that she felt his hand inside her robe, fondling her tit. Long familiarity had made him able to do it for the most effect and at that moment, it had never been more effective.

She reacted involuntarily again and the action was not lost on the husband. Still, she continued to resist him as they stood in his strong grip. "Oh! Come on honey, we�re in Vegas and I�m horny and you�re looking so damn good!" Hubby continued and found his pleading to no avail. Then, he continued, "You said you were going to get fucked in that bed tonight and I�m here to do it."

This time, she responded, "How do you know I haven�t already done it?" As he spoke, he shucked his shoes and slipped the belt on his trousers, "I know you. You were going to get it on here but you couldn�t do it." Then, as she was forcibly taken to the bed, she responded, "How do you know that?" When their eyes met, she saw him smiling. "I know because there�s an unused pack of condoms on the night stand. If you hadn�t intended to use them they wouldn�t be there. If you had used them, the pack would be open." he said.

Kels felt herself being pushed on to the big bed as she continued to resist. The Hubby was on top of her, fondling, massaging and playing with her bared flesh as her robe lay open and exposing her body to him.. Suddenly, he stopped as his hand came to rest on her mons. "Kels, you�ve trimmed your pussy hair!" he said, "I like it."

For Kelsey, fatigue was beginning to affect her. Her strength was waning. Her resistance seemed futile. She lay quietly as her anger continued. As she lay quietly, she felt her body grow alert and her vagina grow moist. Her breasts became sensitive and she was reacting in spite of her anger. She began to think about her situation - isn�t what was happening just what she had wanted most to happen? As she cogitated, she felt his familiar cock at the entrance to her pussy and after one insignificant attempt to block him, felt it enter her. It felt good and the man who wielded it was a master.

She reacted involuntarily, meeting his gentle thrusting with her own in perfect syncopation as her mind mulled over her situation. Suddenly, her anger left her. This was her husband that was doing her and doing it better than he had in years and it was what she had wanted. This was what made life better. Her anger having abated, Kels was free to make love.

They worked together, not in a violent meeting but in a manner that was their own. When they were young, they had fucked hard and quick but over the years, they had learned to relax and enjoy each other to the fullest. It was over an hour when Hubby spoke, "I�m gonna� come." He said and it was over as they peaked together.

Later, as their peak subsided into a warm glow and they lay peaceful and serene in each other�s arms, Hubby spoke first. "I�ve got two weeks off. . . Can we spend them in bed as often as biology will allow?" Kels said only, "As often as you can get it up. . . ."

A few minutes later, they were asleep. It was very early morning when Kelsey awoke and lay snuggled up to her Hubby. She surveyed his now flaccid and lifeless cock and casually reflected on it�s ability to spring to rigid attention.

Again, she reflected on her womanly powers to bring it to it�s fullest extension. It was only natural that she reached out and touched it - a feather light touch lest she awaken him. Then more touches and more caresses and Hubby slept on. Slowly the limp and lifeless cock began to inflate and rise as Kels took satisfaction in the results of her efforts.

As she continued her efforts, she began to notice she could no longer bring this love tool to it�s steel-hard condition - rather, only to a rather semi-hard state. She correctly reasoned that it was due to his massive discharges of a few hours before.

Disappointed, she took a new tact. She moved slowly over him until her lips were next to the recovering love tool. She had seldom sucked this cock - there never seemed to be any need or desire to. Now, her mouth could perform a valuable service. She leaned closer and kissed the somewhat turgid prick and finding no immediate response, she began to lave and suckle the crown. With her mouth over the crown, she used her hand to massage his balls being slow and methodical so as not to awaken her sleeping mate.

Minutes passed as she laved and suckled and kissed the prick that she valued so highly. Seeing no response to her efforts, she worked with increasing ardor and her actions grew more pronounced - approaching violent! With the increased activity and the more pronounced movements on the bed, Hubby began to awaken.

It was a slow process as his mind slowly became cognizant of things about him. First it was only a pleasant light and dark; then, shapes and movement and gradually feeling. Suddenly, he felt it and he was wide awake. He raised his head and spoke, "Good Morning." Kels looked up from her efforts at his cock and let it slip from her mouth. She moved over him, belly to belly, and kissed him before moving back down over the semi-erect cock and with her fingers, pointed it into her vagina. Then, with the help of her fingers, she impaled herself on it. Unlike last night, this would not be a love match; rather a recreation event between a man and his wife.

She would keep him in her until he recovered his full sexual prowess before beating his cock down to it�s lifeless state again. She looked at her husband and saw only approval in his eyes. The long deep thrusts of the previous night were not a possibility due to the semi-erect condition of the man�s tool and Kels rode him slowly in order to keep him impaled in her.

They talked about their feelings and their life and their likes and dislikes and they giggled and laughed together as they engaged in the most intimate of acts. Occasionally their passions grew and they moved to enjoy them. Gradually, Kels felt the prick she was riding grow and finally push firmly against her cervix. A sense of urgency began to develop.

Minutes passed. . . 10, then 20 and thirty and 40 minutes as Kels began to ride with reckless abandon. Then, she began to tire. She leaned forward, belly to belly, and slowed her actions to rest as Hubby reached up to fondle her breasts. A minute later she lay still prone, on Hubby, still very much joined together but too fatigued to continue. "I cant. . .!" she said as she felt herself rolled on to her back with her man on top, still joined. In the new position, the fucking began anew with renewed energy as Hubby drove himself into her hard and with a zest that she had never experienced before.

Too tired to participate physically and recognizing another epic fuck in the making she cried out encouragement, "That�s it!. Do it harder! Fuck me till it hurts. . . " she called out. It was nearly 7:30 in the morning when the husband cried out his approaching orgasm and deposited his seed in her belly amid a lot of encouraging sounds of joy and laughter.

"Damn, you�re pretty good for an old man," she said, "fact is you�re pretty good for a young man." Laughing, he responded, "I�m better than pretty good. I�m damn good." "The best," she agreed as she moved from the bed to the shower. Kelsey was in high spirits, completely free of her demon needs and appetites, as she stepped into the big shower.

As she turned on the water and enjoyed the warm spray, she was completely at ease. She lathered and washed herself clean and using the hand spray, she cleaned her vagina and labia of the residue of the previous encounters. As she washed herself, she thought about her husband and her life and the grave error she had almost committed. It was clear now that no man could please her like her husband.

Deep in thought, the warm, soapy lather felt smooth as she gently caressed herself in a cleaning motion. It was then that she heard the shower door open and her man step inside where his hands began moving over her body.

His hands felt good under the soapy lather as they washed and massaged and fondled and caressed her. Soon, she returned the favor as her hands moved smoothly over his soapy body. Their bodies bumped together in the close confines of the shower and again, Kels felt a rush of pleasure.

She turned and kissed him. An hour later, husband and wife sat, totally nude, in their hotel room as they ate their breakfast. They talked occasionally but it was their body language and eye contact that communicated best. As she listened attentively, her husband explained that he had taken two weeks leave from his job and they were in Las Vegas.

Surely there were clothing stores in the city that could outfit a woman as beautiful as his wife. He apologized for his previous inattention and suggested that he meant to remedy that situation. Even as he talked, looking at his bare naked wife he felt his desire rise. Kelsey was a happy and contented woman.

This section is for sexual current events and news; allowing our web site visitors to hear sex news around the world.

Instead of stealing goods, a burglar in Australia broke into a neighbor's house for the purposes of playing "sex games." The bungling crook, 27, left pornography laying about the neighbor's bathroom, as well as a vacuum cleaner and a homemade sex toy fashioned out of a bottle of detergent and a rubber glove. The man was arrested after DNA linked him to the glove, but did not receive jail time for his misdeeds.

A foreign traveler in Germany, headed for the Arab emirate of Dubai, intended to conceal dildos from airport security among two thick "Schwartenmagen" (head cheese) sausages. The customer bought the encased meats at a butcher shop in Mannheim then later returned to have his package "wrapped and cooled" for his trip. Suspicious staff summoned the authorities who found that some of the sausage had been taken out and replaced by "two latex dildos with a natural look." Clearly he needed to see our discreet vibes section!

A Maine woman has checked out all the copies of a children's sex education book from the Lewiston and Auburn public libraries and refuses to return them. JoAn Karkos intends to keep kids from seeing the book titled It's Perfectly Normal. "Since I have been sufficiently horrified of the illustrations and the sexually graphic, amoral abnormal contents, I will not be returning the books," she wrote the libraries last month, including a check for $20.95 with each letter.

A bill to repeal part of Singapore's longstanding penal code regarding "carnal intercourse against the order of nature" was introduced yesterday in the city-state. This would legalize "oral and anal sex in private between consenting heterosexual adults." As for gay sex: "A ban on acts of 'gross indecency' between males will remain."

Researchers at Indiana University Bloomington have developed a Condom Fit and Feel Scale to help men select rubbers that better suit their needs. A substantial number of men polled reported that condoms were too tight, too short, too loose or too long. "Our recent research indicates that sizes and shapes of the penis vary widely, but the range of condom sizes is rather limited."

A French company offers alibis to people who cheat on their spouses. According to the Guardian, IBILA's tricks include sending a guy a bogus wedding invite from a distant cousin so he can take a trip with his mistress, and fake business emergencies for people who want to sneak out to meet a lover. The price of the service ranges from �19 to �50 ($26-$70).

A judge in Canada has ruled that a woman finishing a client's "full-body massage" by jerking him off "is not a sexual act and does not constitute prostitution." In his decision, Justice Howard Chisvin noted that the payment of $40 to the masseuse "was for a full-body massage," and that "the act of masturbation was optional, at no additional fee." The judge also referenced the Bill Clinton sex scandal in challenging the notion of what constitutes a sexual act.

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