Stick It Up Has A Whole New Meaning
Hiding
Sex Toys In Sausage?
Woman
Needs To Loosen Up
Singapore
Headed In The Right Direction
Helping Condoms To Fit Well
Unbelievable
Affair Market Continues
Judge
Is For Hand Jobs
This
Issue's Quote
"My
father told me all about the birds and the bees, the
liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was
twenty-one.”
Every one can benefit from some bunny
love! Celebrate the season of bunnies with some that will
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Enjoy!
A little pissed off, the boy goes out to
do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When
he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed
the pigs, he kicks a pig.
When
the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy.
His
mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any
milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw
you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"
Just
as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs
and kicks the cat.
The
little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell
him, or should I?"
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Kelsey
Keeps Her Man An
Erotic Tale by Bobjj123
Kelsey
Knox had maintained herself well and at forty-three, after having
given birth to three kids, she still turned men’s heads wherever
she went. It wasn’t always easy, especially when she was forced
to pass up a delicious dessert or forego those sloppy, sweet drinks
at a party. On the other hand, she had enjoyed the early morning
runs about the neighborhood and the social life at the gym.
Mostly though,
she enjoyed the fact that she had kept her youthful figure and
svelte looks and the knowledge that she was a desirable woman.
She had never considered sex outside her marriage and enjoyed
the intimacy that came from familiarity and experience. Her limited
experience with a couple of high school boys had soon led her
to believe her husband was a consummate lover and he filled her
needs well.
Then, as she
gave birth and raised her daughters, she and her husband’s sex
life began to abate. There was no time for the slow leisurely
lovemaking sessions as the daughters came first. Life had begun
to fall into a routine.
Just nine
months ago, with the youngest daughter having departed for life
in college, Kels had begun to sense an awakening of her sexual
needs and desires. It wasn’t a sudden rush of lust or a surge
of passion; nor, was it a special event or happening that triggered
it. It was a delicious, warm, cozy feeling that she savored.
As her needs
increased, she sensed no similar heightened response from her
husband who simply adhered to the old set routine. Kels, hoping
to restore their old ways, began to turn up the heat. She wore
sexy night clothes. Evenings, she wore shear negligee’s and prepared
candle lit dinners to awaken his old lust. For all of her efforts,
Kelsey found no response.
Her husband
was investing himself and long hours into his profession and arrived
home late at night, too tired to play. Kels had understood at
first, even supported it. Then,
she had begun to resent it’s unwelcome intrusion into her life.
It was late
afternoon when she stood before her mirror, fresh from the shower,
and looked at herself for approval. Her neatly trimmed thatch
in her groin looked different and she hoped it would please her
husband. As her eyes carefully examined the rest of her body,
she felt a surge of confidence and her spirits rose. Every bit
of her 5'-9" body could pass for fifteen years younger - she was
still hot!
That evening
passed with her husband’s favorite dinner, well prepared, served
by candlelight and Kels in her sheer pale green negligee followed
by some quick, routine sex and sleep. In bed, beside her sleeping
husband, she felt of her neatly trimmed bush and remembered that
her husband hadn’t even noticed. She felt the anger rise up.
As she lay
awake, she began to consider her plight. She wanted her husband
more than anything - to feel him in her and on her, loving her.
Then, out of her resentment and anger, she began to entertain
thoughts of another man - a man who might be able to fill the
needs her husband would not!
Over the next
few days, she pondered the concept of another man to meet her
needs. She examined not only her expectations of the man and how
she might chose him but the guilt and shame that such a tryst
would incur. The concept slowly evolved from an improbable daydream
to a very real plan.
Of course,
she reassured herself, it’d never happen. Some months previously,
Kelsey had decided to take on a part-time job in real estate sales
and had been modestly successful. At first she only worked a few
hours a week at her leisure but with her increasing frustrations
at home, her hours had steadily increased and she was developing
a reputation as a top real estate sales person.
To counter
her daydreams and needs, she had sought to fill her life with
work, leaving little time to carry out her plan for a tryst. As
she stood before the mirror, doing her self appraisal, the telephone
had rung and she had taken a call from an international industrial
enterprise asking if she was available to assist them in acquiring
property.
A meeting
had been arranged and Kels had left for the meeting that morning
after her unsatisfactory evening in a rather sour disposition.
On arrival at the meeting, she had been introduced to the members
of the firm’s land acquisition team and returned their firm handshakes
with the best luke warm greeting she could muster.
The meeting
started well as the company explained their needs and their research
to find a competent agent. Then, it was Kelsey’s turn and she
began to explain her abilities and her strong points to the small
assembly. She spoke in a cold, business tone and could not bring
the warmth and personality into her presentation that would be
needed to sell it. The meeting ended with no decision.
As she returned
home, Kels was near to crying. She knew she had just muffed her
biggest business deal and she was frustrated. Things had to change.
It was on an impulse that she bought a ticket to Las Vegas and
boarded the plane without even time to pack clothes or prepare.
She had to get away. Then, once in the Sin City, she booked a
hotel. From there she called her husband and found him busily
engaged at his office as usual. She said, "Baby, I’m in Las Vegas
in this big king sized bed and tonight somebody’s going to fuck
me right here... I’m hoping it’ll be you!"
Her husband
had reacted with the expected response, he was overloaded with
work. He couldn’t spare the time..." He was rejecting her again!
She responded quietly, "Well, I’ll find somebody. Sorry it couldn’t
be you but I’m horny and I gotta’ have it." Then, as she hung
up the telephone she burst into tears.
The die was
cast! With no immediate plan, save for picking up a suitable man
and bringing him to her bed, she showered, dressed conservatively
in her only clothes, and left the room to go to dinner. Then,
after dining alone, she passed through the casino into the bar
where she took up a position at the bar.
She felt no
joy, only a need and a seething anger: As she sat, she forced
herself to check out each male that came into the bar and occasionally,
their eyes met. One after another, she rejected them. It was when
a young, very athletic looking, guy came in, searched about and
went directly to Kels. He approached her as their eyes met and
she felt her spirits rise. This guy wanted her and he was a ‘hunk’.
Perhaps she might just like to make it with a man her daughters
age.
"Hi! I’m Less,"
he said, "I was hoping I’d meet a woman like you" and the conversation
started. In a minute, Les and Kels had moved to a table and ordered
another round of drinks. They talked, friendly light chatter at
first; then, after another round of drinks, Les made his intentions
known - he wanted to be with her for the night and make love to
her. Kels had listened to his plan with interest as she considered
it in relation to her own. Another round of drinks and it was
nearly midnight as Les began to make suggestions about moving
on and putting some urgency to his quest.
His hands
began to touch hers and his eyes spoke of his need. Kels responded
to the touches with her own and her eyes spoke of indecision,
it was up to Les to convince her.
Behind her
overt actions, her covert thoughts were in a turmoil - much as
she wanted to get laid and much as she appreciated Les’s advances,
she held back! When Les stood, took her hand and said, "Come on
Kel, it’s time to go my room," she stood and accompanied him out
of the bar and across the casino.
She had realized
that she was drunk. Then, as they entered the elevator alone,
Les faced her and kissed her square on the lips. His tongue found
it’s way into her mouth and she returned it with vigor. It was
at that moment that she changed her mind. She pushed Les back
and said, "I can’t do it. I’m sorry Les but I can’t do it. I’m
sorry I’ve wasted your evening. " As the elevator door opened,
Les stepped out on to his floor and disappeared. . . As Kelsey
pushed the button for her floor, she felt the tears rise.
She chastised
herself for having ‘chickened out’ and went to her room. Then,
back in her room, she showered and cleaned up before going to
bed. The liquor and the events of the day had left her tired and
she slept. It was shortly after five o’clock in the morning when
she was awakened by a knocking at her door. She awoke slowly,
disturbed by the late call and searching for an answer for Les’s
late night call.
Perhaps she’d
invite him in... no! As she pulled on the hotel robe and opened
the door, her husband walked in, grabbed her in an embrace with
enthusiasm she hadn’t felt in years. He kissed her and as their
lips met his tongue found it’s way into her mouth. Again, she
felt his familiar ardor and found herself reacting involuntarily
to him.
Then she
remembered that she was pissed at him. She pushed back as her
husband advanced and resisted. She felt him stiffen and draw her
closer and felt his manhood through their clothes, proud against
her belly. She continued to resist as he pressed himself on to
her. "Stop!" she said as she struggled to sound convincing.
Hubby pulled
back slightly and looked into her eyes to see the defiance, "God
! You look good. You haven’t looked this good in years." Kels
did not respond - only stood resisting him! "Let’s make a baby,"
he said. Again, she stood mum - resisting! It was then that she
felt his hand inside her robe, fondling her tit. Long familiarity
had made him able to do it for the most effect and at that moment,
it had never been more effective.
She reacted
involuntarily again and the action was not lost on the husband.
Still, she continued to resist him as they stood in his strong
grip. "Oh! Come on honey, we’re in Vegas and I’m horny and you’re
looking so damn good!" Hubby continued and found his pleading
to no avail. Then, he continued, "You said you were going to get
fucked in that bed tonight and I’m here to do it."
This time,
she responded, "How do you know I haven’t already done it?" As
he spoke, he shucked his shoes and slipped the belt on his trousers,
"I know you. You were going to get it on here but you couldn’t
do it." Then, as she was forcibly taken to the bed, she responded,
"How do you know that?" When their eyes met, she saw him smiling.
"I know because there’s an unused pack of condoms on the night
stand. If you hadn’t intended to use them they wouldn’t be there.
If you had used them, the pack would be open." he said.
Kels felt
herself being pushed on to the big bed as she continued to resist.
The Hubby was on top of her, fondling, massaging and playing with
her bared flesh as her robe lay open and exposing her body to
him.. Suddenly, he stopped as his hand came to rest on her mons.
"Kels, you’ve trimmed your pussy hair!" he said, "I like it."
For Kelsey,
fatigue was beginning to affect her. Her strength was waning.
Her resistance seemed futile. She lay quietly as her anger continued.
As she lay quietly, she felt her body grow alert and her vagina
grow moist. Her breasts became sensitive and she was reacting
in spite of her anger. She began to think about her situation
- isn’t what was happening just what she had wanted most to happen?
As she cogitated, she felt his familiar cock at the entrance to
her pussy and after one insignificant attempt to block him, felt
it enter her. It felt good and the man who wielded it was a master.
She reacted
involuntarily, meeting his gentle thrusting with her own in perfect
syncopation as her mind mulled over her situation. Suddenly, her
anger left her. This was her husband that was doing her and doing
it better than he had in years and it was what she had wanted.
This was what made life better. Her anger having abated, Kels
was free to make love.
They worked
together, not in a violent meeting but in a manner that was their
own. When they were young, they had fucked hard and quick but
over the years, they had learned to relax and enjoy each other
to the fullest. It was over an hour when Hubby spoke, "I’m gonna’
come." He said and it was over as they peaked together.
Later, as
their peak subsided into a warm glow and they lay peaceful and
serene in each other’s arms, Hubby spoke first. "I’ve got two
weeks off. . . Can we spend them in bed as often as biology will
allow?" Kels said only, "As often as you can get it up. . . ."
A few minutes
later, they were asleep. It was very early morning when Kelsey
awoke and lay snuggled up to her Hubby. She surveyed his now flaccid
and lifeless cock and casually reflected on it’s ability to spring
to rigid attention.
Again, she
reflected on her womanly powers to bring it to it’s fullest extension.
It was only natural that she reached out and touched it - a feather
light touch lest she awaken him. Then more touches and more caresses
and Hubby slept on. Slowly the limp and lifeless cock began to
inflate and rise as Kels took satisfaction in the results of her
efforts.
As she continued
her efforts, she began to notice she could no longer bring this
love tool to it’s steel-hard condition - rather, only to a rather
semi-hard state. She correctly reasoned that it was due to his
massive discharges of a few hours before.
Disappointed,
she took a new tact. She moved slowly over him until her lips
were next to the recovering love tool. She had seldom sucked this
cock - there never seemed to be any need or desire to. Now, her
mouth could perform a valuable service. She leaned closer and
kissed the somewhat turgid prick and finding no immediate response,
she began to lave and suckle the crown. With her mouth over the
crown, she used her hand to massage his balls being slow and methodical
so as not to awaken her sleeping mate.
Minutes passed
as she laved and suckled and kissed the prick that she valued
so highly. Seeing no response to her efforts, she worked with
increasing ardor and her actions grew more pronounced - approaching
violent! With the increased activity and the more pronounced movements
on the bed, Hubby began to awaken.
It was a slow
process as his mind slowly became cognizant of things about him.
First it was only a pleasant light and dark; then, shapes and
movement and gradually feeling. Suddenly, he felt it and he was
wide awake. He raised his head and spoke, "Good Morning." Kels
looked up from her efforts at his cock and let it slip from her
mouth. She moved over him, belly to belly, and kissed him before
moving back down over the semi-erect cock and with her fingers,
pointed it into her vagina. Then, with the help of her fingers,
she impaled herself on it. Unlike last night, this would not be
a love match; rather a recreation event between a man and his
wife.
She would
keep him in her until he recovered his full sexual prowess before
beating his cock down to it’s lifeless state again. She looked
at her husband and saw only approval in his eyes. The long deep
thrusts of the previous night were not a possibility due to the
semi-erect condition of the man’s tool and Kels rode him slowly
in order to keep him impaled in her.
They talked
about their feelings and their life and their likes and dislikes
and they giggled and laughed together as they engaged in the most
intimate of acts. Occasionally their passions grew and they moved
to enjoy them. Gradually, Kels felt the prick she was riding grow
and finally push firmly against her cervix. A sense of urgency
began to develop.
Minutes passed.
. . 10, then 20 and thirty and 40 minutes as Kels began to ride
with reckless abandon. Then, she began to tire. She leaned forward,
belly to belly, and slowed her actions to rest as Hubby reached
up to fondle her breasts. A minute later she lay still prone,
on Hubby, still very much joined together but too fatigued to
continue. "I cant. . .!" she said as she felt herself rolled on
to her back with her man on top, still joined. In the new position,
the fucking began anew with renewed energy as Hubby drove himself
into her hard and with a zest that she had never experienced before.
Too tired
to participate physically and recognizing another epic fuck in
the making she cried out encouragement, "That’s it!. Do it harder!
Fuck me till it hurts. . . " she called out. It was nearly 7:30
in the morning when the husband cried out his approaching orgasm
and deposited his seed in her belly amid a lot of encouraging
sounds of joy and laughter.
"Damn, you’re
pretty good for an old man," she said, "fact is you’re pretty
good for a young man." Laughing, he responded, "I’m better than
pretty good. I’m damn good." "The best," she agreed as she moved
from the bed to the shower. Kelsey was in high spirits, completely
free of her demon needs and appetites, as she stepped into the
big shower.
As she turned
on the water and enjoyed the warm spray, she was completely at
ease. She lathered and washed herself clean and using the hand
spray, she cleaned her vagina and labia of the residue of the
previous encounters. As she washed herself, she thought about
her husband and her life and the grave error she had almost committed.
It was clear now that no man could please her like her husband.
Deep in thought,
the warm, soapy lather felt smooth as she gently caressed herself
in a cleaning motion. It was then that she heard the shower door
open and her man step inside where his hands began moving over
her body.
His hands
felt good under the soapy lather as they washed and massaged and
fondled and caressed her. Soon, she returned the favor as her
hands moved smoothly over his soapy body. Their bodies bumped
together in the close confines of the shower and again, Kels felt
a rush of pleasure.
She turned
and kissed him. An hour later, husband and wife sat, totally nude,
in their hotel room as they ate their breakfast. They talked occasionally
but it was their body language and eye contact that communicated
best. As she listened attentively, her husband explained that
he had taken two weeks leave from his job and they were in Las
Vegas.
Surely there
were clothing stores in the city that could outfit a woman as
beautiful as his wife. He apologized for his previous inattention
and suggested that he meant to remedy that situation. Even as
he talked, looking at his bare naked wife he felt his desire rise.
Kelsey was a happy and contented woman.
This
section is for sexual current events and news; allowing our web
site visitors to hear sex news around the world.
Stick
It Up Has A Whole New Meaning September
2007
Instead of stealing goods, a burglar in
Australia broke into a neighbor's house for the purposes of playing
"sex games." The bungling crook, 27, left pornography laying about
the neighbor's bathroom, as well as a vacuum cleaner and a homemade
sex toy fashioned out of a bottle of detergent and a rubber glove.
The man was arrested after DNA linked him to the glove, but did
not receive jail time for his misdeeds.
A foreign traveler in Germany, headed for
the Arab emirate of Dubai, intended to conceal dildos from airport
security among two thick "Schwartenmagen" (head cheese) sausages.
The customer bought the encased meats at a butcher shop in Mannheim
then later returned to have his package "wrapped and cooled" for
his trip. Suspicious staff summoned the authorities who found
that some of the sausage had been taken out and replaced by "two
latex dildos with a natural look." Clearly he needed to see our
discreet vibes section!
A Maine woman has checked out all the copies
of a children's sex education book from the Lewiston and Auburn
public libraries and refuses to return them. JoAn Karkos intends
to keep kids from seeing the book titled It's Perfectly Normal.
"Since I have been sufficiently horrified of the illustrations
and the sexually graphic, amoral abnormal contents, I will not
be returning the books," she wrote the libraries last month, including
a check for $20.95 with each letter.
Singapore
Headed In The Right Direction September
2007
A bill to repeal part of Singapore's longstanding
penal code regarding "carnal intercourse against the order of
nature" was introduced yesterday in the city-state. This would
legalize "oral and anal sex in private between consenting heterosexual
adults." As for gay sex: "A ban on acts of 'gross indecency' between
males will remain."
Researchers at Indiana University Bloomington
have developed a Condom Fit and Feel Scale to help men select
rubbers that better suit their needs. A substantial number of
men polled reported that condoms were too tight, too short, too
loose or too long. "Our recent research indicates that sizes and
shapes of the penis vary widely, but the range of condom sizes
is rather limited."
Unbelievable
Affair Market Continues September
2007
A French company offers alibis to people
who cheat on their spouses. According to the Guardian, IBILA's
tricks include sending a guy a bogus wedding invite from a distant
cousin so he can take a trip with his mistress, and fake business
emergencies for people who want to sneak out to meet a lover.
The price of the service ranges from €19 to €50 ($26-$70).
A judge in Canada has ruled that a woman
finishing a client's "full-body massage" by jerking him off "is
not a sexual act and does not constitute prostitution." In his
decision, Justice Howard Chisvin noted that the payment of $40
to the masseuse "was for a full-body massage," and that "the act
of masturbation was optional, at no additional fee." The judge
also referenced the Bill Clinton sex scandal in challenging the
notion of what constitutes a sexual act.
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