The Holistic Wisdom Journal  

January 15 , 2003 ~ Articles In This Issue...

~ Sexual Mindfulness & Inhibitors
   The Spiritual Path To The Best Sex You'll Ever Have

~ Struggling With Sexuality
   A Societal Look At Our Inhibitions

~ Vitamins & Herbs For Sexual Performance
   What You May Need To Stay Spry

 

 

Sexual Mindfulness & Inhibitors
The Spiritual Path To The Best Sex You'll Ever Have

By Lisa S. Lawless, C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

There are infinite ways to have fantastic sex that is mindful and spiritual. This article will take you through some basic principals of what inhibits spiritual sex, how to overcome those obstacles, and finally how to have spiritual sex. I have also included a couple of "spiritual ceremonies" based on Tantric practices. I hope that you enjoy these techniques and that they fill your mind, body and spirit with sexual ecstasy!

Dealing With Fears

The sexual union we wish to produce is to honor each other and build a bridge between body and soul. This is possible through a structured process usable by anyone who wants to find a gentle and conscious way to express their love with another person or even with themselves. Though regular sex is enjoyable, it is rarely so good that it satisfies our inner needs.

Tantra - spiritual sex is a sacred communion with a partner or with oneself which enhances our connection with the life force itself and our deepest creative impulses. People, even today, who think they are giving their all to their partner are withholding and repressing enormous parts of themselves due to fear and the end result is feeling like they are being used. Their lovemaking doesn't fulfill the need for people to feel a deep communion with the other person and becomes just a tense encounter with another body in which both people repress their real needs. The lovemaking is reduced to a performance where we compete with the other person to see who can get off faster or better.

When using spiritual sex techniques, the energies coming through your body with your partner may make fears surface. This can be a good thing, though you might not think so at this moment, because unless you deal with them you cannot heal. When these demons of fear arise in you, you can confront them, accept them, make friends with them, make them your allies, and you will ultimately transcend them. The more open and vulnerable you can be with your partner, the more your trust in each other will grow.

You hold your sexual destiny within yourself. This does not happen overnight. In trust and openness it means you need to let go of defenses. For this to happen you need to feel protected and secure. To do this you need a place where you feel comfortable and special.

Tips For Overcoming Sexual Blocks~

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General Principles On How To Have Spirituality Mindful Sex~

You will want to earn how to prepare and enjoy the atmosphere you want to experience your lovemaking in. For most of you, you are going to be pleasing your partner as well, so keep his/her likes and desires in mind while you are doing this, though once you are together inside your sacred space, he/she isn't going to notice much but your body and how delightful he/she feels being with you. You are setting the stage for the delights, enjoyment, and LOVE to come.

While I have experienced amazing sex magic in making love I think the benefit of sex magic as a personal healing tool for the individual and the couple can be over looked. The energy and openness (at least on a very basic level) can lead to shift blocks and unresolved problems. Whether they be of a physical nature spiritual mental or sexual. I do not mean to say that to heal anyone with these problems you have to have sex with them. However, it may help.

If that is both your honest intention, but to all parties concerned that is what it must be. I more refer to the use of magic within a loving relationship, however that may be with your other partner(s). The magic of sexual union of all kinds has been used for untold reasons for thousands of years. It's power comes from what is divine. This type of union is very powerful and can be amazing fun. Visions may be seen enjoy then interpret later. Opening yourself to another if a wonderful sharing experience. There is no such thing as just sex. All life is magical. And so all life is three fold. Think about it.

CLICK HERE For Tantric Sex Ceremonies

CLICK HERE For A Buddhist Definitions Of Mindfulness

 

Spiritual Sex Video Tapes~

Video / DVD~	Description~
The Art of Female Ejaculation Our Low Price- VHS Or DVD $24.99 Also available on VoD = Video On Demand (download it online and watch it now!) To learn about VoD CLICK HERE	Join psychotherapist Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D. as she shows you a new world of women's orgasms that allow them to gush as much as 2 cups of ejaculate! Get proof it exists, find out how ALL women can do it with step-by-step instruction found no where else. It's NOT URINE... learn what it is and how it all works today!!! ... read more
Kama Sutra Sexual Positions Our Low Price- $24.99 -	A Tantric Vision of Love Based on the book by the same title, Kama Sutra of Sexual Positions, is an instructional, sensual, artistic, and exotic video. An erotic and informative video which reviews the best sexual positions from Kama Sutra, Ananga-Ranga, The Perfumed Garden, and Ishimpo reveal the beauty and the passion of the Ancient Lover. A sensuous couple demonstrates the positions while accompanied by an East Indian and African dancers and musicians. A beautiful video. Time: 60 Min.
Erotic Massage Our Low Price- $24.99 -	Designed to bring to life the best-selling book, this video shows the grace, the flow, and the dance of erotic massage. In easy-to-learn strokes, you and your partner can bring together the sensual, the erotic and the intimate. Now, learn the art of massage on the back, the feet, the neck, the face and full genital massage, covering all of the strokes in the book, plus some new, unwritten strokes. Time: 60 Min.

 

~ ANCIENT SECRETS OF SEXUAL ECSTASY

Discover a completely different approach to sexual experience. Learn the ancient secrets of extended,full body and valley orgasm. Free female orgasm by awakening the Saspandana or"Goddess" spot. Learn powerful breath techniques to build and control sexual energy. Understand the physiology of yogic ejaculation control. Experience the power of ritual for enhancing lovemaking. Develop the ability to remain in orgasm with your partner. Deepen intimacy and put new magic into your relationship.

~ THE SECRETS OF SACRED SEX

Learn the secrets of sacred sex with this guide to intimacy and loving. Based on the Tantric belief that the hidden potency of loving is the seed of all creativity and transcendence, this remarkable video teaches you how to awaken your own natural sexual energy and experience a deeper level of intimacy and connectedness with your love partner.

~ TANTRIC JOURNEY TO FEMALE ORGASM

Women's erotic pioneer Deborah Sundahl reveals the often soulful process of opening to sacred sex. The pathway lies through understanding the g-spot and female ejaculation. Dr. Gary Schubach shows us what the g-spot and female ejaculation is and where it is located. Learn what these female waters are, where they come from and how to get your flowing! Reawaken the exquisite sensitivity of the g-spot with a trained g-spot masseuse. Learn how a g-spot massage can heal a damaged libido into a fountain of wet, juicy love again. Master Tantric sexual healer Victor Gold and Tantric teacher Jwala will rivet you with a real life demonstration of this powerful, revitalizing session.

~ HIN YIN FOR MEN

Part of a series of men's sexuality, this guide explores the ancient secrets of relaxation and self eroticism through Hin Yin. Self-loving, like all loving, is an exploration of the body's need for pleasure to maintain and restore its spiritual and physical balance. Join legendary Tantric counselor, Neil Tucker, and experience his uniquely erotic vision of self and sexuality.

 

Struggling With Sexuality
A Societal Look At Our Inhibitions

By Lisa S. Lawless, C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

Sex is an important part of life. It gives us physical pleasure and babies. It sometimes expresses love beautifully. Sex leading to children is the only way for the species to survive and for most of us to achieve a form of immortality- of living beyond our death through our children. Although simple, fun, and necessary, sex is restricted by a complex set of morals, social customs, and taboos. Any drive that is so strong and valued, yet so controlled and prohibited, is going to generate stressful, ambivalent, confusing feelings.

Part of the confusion about sex comes from the church. It may surprise you, but for centuries until the 1800's, the church fathers thought and taught that women were over-sexed and had poor impulse control, i.e. were easily seduced and prone to act out (wow, is that projection or what?).

We are still sorting out sexual myth from reality. For example, to what degree are current women's sexual "gatekeeping" and insisting on love before sex a reaction to centuries of life-threatening sexual accusations by religious males? Or, are women's sexual inhibitions based on practical interpersonal politics (males say "why buy the cow if you are already getting the milk?")? Or, have women learned and/or evolved over eons to be more interested in love, intimacy, and security than in carnal sex?

Acceptance of our sexual feelings

We are sexual beings; there is no escaping it. Infant boys and girls become physically aroused. Little boys and girls like to rub themselves "down there." One of the great mysteries for most of us as a small child is "How are babies made?" Another is "What do girls/boys look like?" There are good books to read to little folks and books for maturing teenagers (Madaras, 1988a, 1988b).

If you ask a college class to anonymously write down a secret, something they are ashamed of, the response is frequently about sex. Things like, "I had an abortion," "I masturbate," "I went out with a married man/woman," "I had sex with someone I didn't love," "I had oral sex with my boyfriend," "I'm attracted to my own sex," "I've had sex with a black," "I'm attracted to large penises/breasts" and so on. For a culture that thinks of itself as sexually liberal, we have a lot of hang-ups, a lot of guilt.

On the other hand, since 1960 there has been an explosion of sexual activity, some of it foolishly impulsive and inconsiderate of one's partner. Many teenagers get pregnant (see later discussion). In fact, some studies find that 60% to 90% do not use a contraceptive during intercourse the first time. Other reports say 2/3's of teens use contraceptives the first time but only 17% use condoms all the time. Many college women forget to take their pill 3 or 4 times a month.

In any case, more than one-third of all sexually active teenaged women become pregnant before they are nineteen (Maier, 1984). In the late 1980's, college students were becoming more sexually active but using contraceptives less. This helps explain the large number of abortions in this country. It seems as though guilt and personal shame about sex doesn't prevent intercourse but does prevent the advanced planning necessary for the prevention of pregnancy. Also, our general emotional discomfort with sex may reduce the use of condoms and increase AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.

In our society, sex is taboo from birth to the mid-teens--don't play with yourself, don't use "dirty" (sexual) words, don't read "filthy" (sexual) books or see R-rated movies, don't have sex until you are older and in love. But when you decide to have sex, you are supposed to immediately function perfectly, i.e. the virginal male is supposed to instantly be a wonderful, considerate lover and the virginal female immediately aware of what to do and how to be orgasmic.

What foolish expectations (under those conditions). Everyone knows it can't work that way if young people aren't taught about sex or are taught that sex is bad. Yet, starting with infants, hands are removed from the genitalia. At age 4 or 5 we are still being told not to touch ourselves "down there." Weinrich (1987) gives a delightful example of this prolonged early sex training:

Masturbation

It is easy to see how silence becomes a powerful but unguided form of "sex education." Consider how we deal with little girls. They have a vagina and a clitoris, both of which produce feelings. Yet, many women are never told anything about their vagina--not its location, not its functions, and not how it feels--until blood starts coming out of "their bottom." We parents are even more secretive about the clitoris. Since its only purpose is to feel good, we seem to be especially careful to say nothing. Are we afraid? ashamed? unsure of what to say? But by saying nothing, we only add confusion and fears to their wondering about where babies come from, what do other people look like, how do people make babies, is it all right to touch myself and tingle "down there" where my pee comes from, etc. Thank goodness for the explicit children's books about sex (Madaras, 1988a, 1988b).

If the young person going through puberty has never been told "it's okay or even healthy to masturbate," the implication is that such acts are too naughty for mom or dad to talk about. Indeed, many people still think masturbation is bad. For centuries the Catholic church has condemned masturbation as sinful; this church still calls it a "seriously disordered act" (sounds like a mental illness!). Twenty years ago about 50% of Americans actually said "masturbation is always wrong" (Levitt & Klassen, 1973). That's amazing! But that percentage may not have changed much. Surgeon-General Joyce Elders was fired, in part, because she advocated including information about masturbation in sex education courses.

We must remember that only 60 years ago our society still believed the medical "science" of the mid-1800's, namely, that masturbation caused insanity, mental retardation, apathy, fatigue, poor memory, blindness, headaches, etc. No kidding! This negative attitude towards a wonderful aspect of the human body is a major problem. An innocent, harmless act which relieves sexual tension, helps control sexual impulses, increases sexual self-confidence, and provides great pleasure somehow becomes seen as negative or bad by 57% of female adolescents and 45% of male adolescents (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). We are doing something wrong.

People who enjoy masturbating are more likely to have climaxes later in life (Kinsey, et al., 1953) while making love. Men usually ejaculate easily but women frequently have trouble climaxing. One reason for this is that men masturbate by grasping and stroking the penis with one hand. This is similar to the movements and sensations during intercourse, so for men masturbation is good training for intercourse. Women often masturbate in ways that are unlike intercourse: light strokes on or near the clitoris (48%), vibrator on or near clitoris (26%), squeezing the legs together (4%), running water on the genitals (4%), stroking the breasts, having sexual fantasies, and so on (Masters, Johnson & Kolodny, 1985). (They rarely masturbate in ways similar to intercourse, i.e. inserting something in and out the vagina.)

If one learns to have a climax in only one way and if that way is incompatible with intercourse, e.g. by squeezing the legs together, it may be difficult to achieve an orgasm when having intercourse with a partner. Thus, many women have to deal with two problems: (1) having little or no past experience with climaxing via masturbation and/or (2) having masturbatory experience that doesn't transfer well to intercourse. Women need to research these matters. It seems like it would be best for women to learn to enjoy masturbating by stimulating the clitoris in several ways (unless their religious or moral beliefs prohibit it).

Female Ejaculation And Social Norms~

As a psychotherapist, you may wonder why I would choose to write and produce "The Art Of Female Ejaculation," and the answer is simple. I wish to provide sexually empowering information to all women and their partners.

I have often had clients start out a sexually oriented question with such phrases as "Is this normal?" or "I know I am weird for liking this, but… am I crazy for feeling this or wanting this?" The fact that we often ask this is just another example of how our society is truly misguided and in need of some serious liberation around sexual issues!

I have to chuckle with sadness behind it that our overly extreme society worries so much about sexuality. Because we have not been able to be balanced about our sexuality, we have often seen it presented through two extreme lenses; the outrage against sexuality and the pursuit of "deviant" sexuality.

We often see that people in our sexually dysfunctional society of ours will make violence more acceptable then sex! How inappropriate it is that we would make a movie rated "R" for sexual content, but another rated "PG" when people are killing each other in it. Seems to me our values are a bit off when we see sex, which is natural, beautiful and pleasureful, as something we should hide or have shame about, and entertainment with war and murder as perfectly acceptable.

My question is, why aren't we teaching both men and women about their bodies, their sexuality and how to truly embrace it as something healthy and enjoyable?

Personally I did not learn about female ejaculation until after my twenties. Can we just pause there for a moment… why is it that an educated, sexually aware woman in this day and age, should be in the dark about the very existence of female ejaculation? What is going on here?

Since then, I have become a woman on a mission, to ensure that women and their partners be awakened not only to the fact that female ejaculation exists, but exactly what it is, how it works, and how to do it!

Psychological Inhibitions Concerning Morals & Femininity~

Female ejaculation is normal, natural, and quite frankly a beautiful, sensual expression of a woman's sexuality. If you or your partner struggle with belief systems that are contrary to this, I truly hope that you can reevaluate what you have been taught, and find your own sexuality beautiful from the depths of your heart.

It is time for all of us to learn that our sexual feelings are normal. They are in fact wonderful, and experiencing them in any situation that enables respect and integrity to ourselves and a partner is ultimately a way for us all to evolve into more complete beings.

A woman should never be made to feel that this normal, physical, sexual response is wrong, repulsive, or is something that she should be ashamed of.

It is a natural way for a woman to experience sexual pleasure. It should be celebrated just as much a man's ejaculation process.

In Closing~

No matter, what sexual norms you are accustomed to, my only suggestion is to take a step back and look at the messages that you were given growing up. Do they still suit you? Or are you holding back what will release you into sexual freedom and personal empowerment. Embrace yourself for all that you are, including your desires!

 

 

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Vitamins & Herbs For Sexual Performance
What You May Need To Stay Spry

By Lisa S. Lawless, C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

Sexual dysfunction refers to a variety of ailments including "lack of sexual desire, difficulty becoming aroused, inability to achieve orgasm, erection problems in men, lubrication problems in women and pain during intercourse." Untreated, sexual dysfunction can have devastating effects on self-esteem, health, and partnerships.

The New York Times reports, "an estimated 30 million men suffer at one time or another from some degree of male erectile dysfunction, [yet] only 2.76 million visited doctors last year with the complaint." Sexual dysfunction is even more common among women. A recent University of Chicago study found that 43% of women surveyed reported sexual problems associated with stress.

Not only is sexual dysfunction far more widespread than previously thought, in our modern, overworked world, it is also growing rapidly, and now even affects some men and women in their late teens. That’s the bad news.

The good news is that thanks to recent advances in nutrition and medical science, many if not most cases of sexual dysfunction can either be greatly improved or cured entirely — without dangerous drugs, surgery or other invasive techniques. Further, with modern sexually supportive vitamins and nutrients, dramatic improvement — up to and including elimination of sexual problems — can occur in as little as a few weeks or even days, without the high costs of surgery or prescription drugs.

The two biggest mistakes most people make in dealing with sexual dysfunction

The first mistake is assuming that your sexual problems are unique or unusual. As the studies cited above demonstrate, sexual problems are far, far more widespread than even medical professionals previously realized. Yet the vast majority of people suffering from them do nothing to treat them and in many cases won’t even talk about them.

The second mistake is believing that greatly reduced sexual drive and ability is a natural result of getting older. In fact, sexually supportive vitamins and nutrients can maintain a high sex drive and ability at almost any age.

Why do so many people do nothing about sexual problems? Perhaps it’s a vestige of our Puritan heritage, which equated pleasurable sex with sin. Or maybe it’s our sex-obsessed culture, which makes us ashamed to admit we don’t have the sexual energy and interest we once did.

Whatever the cause, ignoring or doing nothing about sexual dysfunction greatly diminishes your quality of life and may lead to many other problems.

TESTOSTERONE:
Essential for both male and female sexuality. Androstenedione and Androstenediol may be a safe way to restore declining testosterone.

ARGININE
Greater staying power and intensity of sexual response.

CHOLINE & VITAMIN B-5
For increased sexual endurance.

GINKGO BILOBA
For enhanced erections and improved mental sharpness.

TRIBULUS
For healthier sperm and increased libido.

YOHIMBE & YOHIMBINE
For heightened libido, increased tactile sensation, multiple orgasms.

CLICK HERE for more information on each of these herbs and vitamins.

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