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Actress, playwright, and political activist Eve Ensler was talking with a friend who was going through menopause in the 1990s when she was first struck by the way women spoke about their bodies. She believed it was a reflection of how they felt about themselves and their gender.

In turn, Eve was inspired to write a series of essays on women, their bodies, and the language they used to communicate about themselves which she adapted into a performance piece she called The Vagina Monologues.

Opening at a tiny off-off-Broadway theater, The Vagina Monologues soon became a hit in New York City which spread around the world, becoming an international phenomenon. Eve Ensler re-creates her original performance of The Vagina Monologues in this video adaptation, which was produced for the premium cable network HBO. Moving, and fun!

Lisa,

Your Web site is really interesting!!! I thought I've seen everything... as a man I'm still in a state of shock!... Questions... Have women kept this a secret.... Can women suppress ejaculation without affecting their orgasms... I've had sex with many women that have had powerful orgasms and they never mentioned the need to ejaculate fluid. Why has it taken so long for this to be exposed...

Thanks,

Scott

Hi Scott,

Thank you for your inquiry. Yes, women can still orgasm without ejaculating and it can still be powerful. Ejaculation adds to the feeling of release which makes it unique and an added bonus to an orgasm.

Women have been AFRAID to discuss ejaculation for several reasons. The two most common are-

1) Many still confuse it with stress incontinence and do not realize that it is not
    urine. I review this in more detail in our female ejaculation section.

2) Women are often either unsure of what it is or think that they just peed, they
    tend not to want to talk about this experience with anyone out of shame
    of embarrassment.

You mention that your female partners have not mentioned a need to urinate... this is because the cues that the woman feels can often be confused with feeling like the need to urinate because the Skenes glands fill up and put pressure on the urethra similar to the feeling of the bladder filling and putting pressure on the urethra. Most women will tell you that they do often feel a need to urinate when the are highly aroused and is one of the most common "cues" a woman tends to ignore when it comes to ejaculating.

Also, you asked me in another eMail you sent if pregnancy has anything to do with female ejaculation and the answer to that is no. Pregnancy has nothing to do with female ejaculation. However, pregnancy can cause stress incontinence and thus is why women often think the two are related.

Female ejaculation has been known about for a long time... to the days of Socrates and I am sure well before. It has been the repression of women's sexuality and the embarrassment and shame that has been associated with openly discussing it that has kept it so elusive. A few sexual health pioneers risked social rejection and in some cases professional rejection just for publicly acknowledging it. I still get OBGYNs that are embarrassed to talk about it with me and do not want to associate with it out of fear of being ostracized for educating women about a topic that is highly associated with porn. Isn't that crazy in this day and age?

Yet, many of the OBGYNs and other professionals that do embrace the teaching of female ejaculation, have a hard time with talking too publicly about it as there is still a stigma to the subject. Many doctors fear that their educational discussions on sexual issues may be misconstrued as sexually inappropriate behavior. For example, you have a woman who is asking about how to achieve an orgasm because she has not been able to have one. The OBGYN suggests some techniques and mentions that she may explore using a vibrator to help her accomplish this goal. The woman has been taught by her conservative family that sex toys are sinful and then in turn is outraged that her OBGYN has even suggested such a thing. She accuses the doctor of sexual misconduct because she then makes it out to be that the doctor was suggesting things that are inappropriate in her mind. Yes, I know it is a terribly ridiculous thing, but don't think that kind of thing does not happen because it has and does. Sad, but true.

I will never forget my first interview with an OBGYN for my book The Art of Female Ejaculation. She said that she had not much education on sexual techniques, female ejaculation or other such things outside of sexual reproduction in the curriculum for her degree. Pathetic that we are in the year 2005 and still have that kind of ignorance going on. She was so embarrassed about professional, sexual discussion that she was blushing and kept trying to refer me to a sex educator in the area. Did she know of one... no, but said that I probably would do better to find someone like that to talk to about sexual issues for women. It was in that interview that I realized that I had to educate women and their partners on sexuality because who else would? It seems that in the last decade there are many more of us out there that have evolved from people like Dr. Ruth, but we are still pretty scarce.

Since then, I have found fellow sex educators like myself that provide sexual information at great risk personally and professionally. I can assure you that if some of the Psychiatrists, Social Workers and Therapists that I used to work with in Psychiatric hospitals, Group Homes for the Sexually Abused and even Rape Crisis knew what I was doing now, they world be appalled. I remember being scolded in my early days as a Therapist by my supervisor when I worked at the Group Home For Sexually Abused Girls when one of my 16 year old patients asked me if masturbation was normal and I told her it was normal. I told her that it was nothing to be ashamed about and a healthy way to explore her own body sexually so that she could learn more about herself on a sexual level.

Just for that comment, I was confronted in a staff meeting with hostile reactions from the rest of the staff and told that kind of thing was not to be discussed with patients. I asked why we would not teach sexually abused girls about healthy sexuality... of all the places in the world, it seemed that was where it was need most! I ended up quitting my job there after 6 months of ridicule that I endured for that incident. I left with a clear understanding that people are still highly conflicted, confused and ashamed of their sexuality. I mean just look at our Sex In The News Section, or the Joanne Webb story where narcotics officers arrested her for selling sex toys and educating people about them. If you think a vibrator is taboo, you can imagine what female ejaculation is considered! That is right, obscene! Why a woman's sexuality is so threatening is still such an odd concept to me. I mean, I understand the insane reasoning people give for that kind of thinking, but I still think it is insane.

With conservatives in power right now, it is a scary world for a sex educator like me. Most of what I teach and sell is considered obscene by the conservative right and it may mean that one day I lose my company, go bankrupt or even go to jail for what I do. This is not to mention that some friends and family won't speak to me or my husband because while most of them are fine with sexuality in general and even sometimes watch adult entertainment, they don't want to have someone they associate with actually involved in it. Oddly, the friends who won't associate with me blame my husband for me doing what I do for a living, and his family members who won't speak to him, blame me. It really is quite childish. The majority of family members that do still talk to my husband and me never ask how our company is doing and it is pretty much ignored like an awkward elephant in the room.

What is really funny to me is that I have the most calm, normal life you can imagine. Yes, the content of what I work with can certainly be considered racy, but just like any professional woman with a child, husband and dog I spend my day working, taking my child to school, walking the dog and having a loving, monogamous relationship with my hubby. People often think that we must have orgies at the house with nude people all around us, and I have to laugh because my day is spent mostly on the phone and computer making business deals, addressing customer needs and doing things like writing and paying bills. Terribly exciting stuff! We don't drink, do drugs and we don't even go out much. An exciting night for us is spent renting a movie from Blockbuster and having some popcorn. I know, pretty sedate, but true.

Bottom line is that my husband and I feel very strongly that people should have resources to learn about their sexuality in an empowered manner. We have sacrificed a lot to do it, but we are passionate about what we do and feel strongly that we are doing the right thing. It is great to get one eMail and phone call after another from people like yourself that are learning about it for the first time and are amazed that more people aren't aware of the facts regarding it.

Thanks for your question, I hope this gives you an inside glimpse into the world of female ejaculation education.

Best,

Lisa

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Hi Lisa,

I and my man would like to thank you for the excellent information you provide on your web site and if it was not for my man finding it I would not be writing this e-mail to you now. He suggested that we look at your web site having seen FE on movies and wondered if it was possible to do this as it turned him on so much. I, of course, always wanting to turn my man on in anyway that pleases him and gives me pleasure in the process decided to buy your book and dvd on The Art of Female Ejaculation.

I must confess that I have always been inhibited sexually until I met my man who is the only man I have met who will talk about sex and wants to know how I feel and what I like best. I had never masturbated until I met him and he gave me a lot of encouragement and confidence in my own sexuality. I actually feel like a woman instead of a sex object for the first time in my life.

Having watched your video and read most of the book I decided to give it a try. Just like you I lit the candles and played soft music and laid down in the bath. I wanted to be able to ejaculate but felt I needed to do it on my own first so that I knew the technique and if it was possible for me to do it. My first attempt was pretty poor but I did have a trickle. I decided that the bath was not a very comfortable position to be in so I tried sitting up against the edge of the bed which gave more of a downward thrust when it came to the moment that you push down through the electrical shock that goes through your body just before ejaculation. My man was extremely excited when I text him to say that I had done it!

The most nerve racking time was when he was with me and I was worried that I would not be able to do it for him but as always he was patient and encouraging and he couldn’t believe it for a moment when I eventually relaxed and it happened. We have gone on since then to ecstatic pleasure without dildos and vibes and mastered the technique manually. Of course there is the choice of whether you squirt or whether you don’t but either way it is orgasmic.

I only have one question. Is there a technique to mastering the flow? Mine are like oil well gushers and short lived and I just wonder if there is a way of controlling them more?

Oh by the way I am now 50. Never too old to learn but I only wish that I had met my man and found your web site 20 years ago!!

Thank you once again from us.

L & R

The way to impact flow is just how you would with urine flow, which is through Kegel exercise. As you may already know, female ejaculation is not reached through using the Kegel muscles, but it can aid in how the flow comes out much like when you have a garden hose and you squeeze it.

As to how much comes out... that is more a factor of hydration, and length of time it took to build up the fluid during sexual arousal. Also, many women have more fluid come out when they have consumed alcohol as they are relaxed and the body is naturally inclined to flush out all body fluids in order to detox from the alcohol.

Dear Lisa,

I just want to take a moment and tell you how much you have help my wife and I on sex and all that there is to enjoy about it. We live in a small town in Northern KY, and there just is not a lot of info. around here in the form of books and video' stores to buy movies. We both go to church and are not into the porno scene... but your site has the most taste and respect about the human body. You show a lot of class and respect on your web site to those of us that are not into porno, and I thank you for that. It is nice to know that there is someone out their that is willing to help couples with sexual issues and not try to stuff porno down their throat at the same time. You truly are the best.

Thanks again for all your help.