Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
As
always, many of my articles end up being direct from eMails that
I answer for our customers.
The following is an eMail that I received this week and my reply
regarding threesomes-
Hi
Lisa,
My
girlfriend is bisexual, I'm straight. We are in a loving relationship,
but my girlfriend wants to start bringing females into our bed
for threesomes. I love my girlfriend, I'm open to it, but my girlfriend
is having trouble relaxing at the thought of me being inside another
female. But it's also exactly why she wants to have the threesome.
It turns her on thinking about me with another female. I don't
need another female. But I'm into whatever turns her on. We have
had a female with us before, but I could only give her oral sex
but my girlfriend wants to see more. I was wondering what you
might recommend to help her relax. Or if you have any suggestion
in the matter. Thank you
In
regard to your question on the threesome, here are just some of
my thoughts on the matter from the perspective of you and your
girlfriend-
I
have counseled people who have been involved in threesomes, open
relationships and other similar arrangements and there are certain
core issues I think apply to all couples looking to explore this
option. The first issue is the most important... trust. Maintaining
that throughout something like this will be the difference between
keeping and nurturing your relationship or damaging it.
One
of the best things that you can do to maintain trust is to take
the time to communicate your thoughts and feelings about this
before you participate in the threesome. This applies not only
to you and your girlfriend but also with the female you choose
to have participate with you. Make sure that not only do you talk
through what you and your girlfriend feel the pros and cons of
doing this may be, but also discuss specific boundaries that you
want to have.
Both
of you should thoroughly discuss what feels comfortable and what
doesn't. Remember this is not just about her and her female partners
desires and comfort level, but yours as well. Once you have a
clear understanding of what boundaries you want to have in place
(or lack thereof) make sure to communicate these to the female
that is participating with you BEFORE you do this so that everyone
is clear about what is expected. It is helpful to ask the female
who is participating with you and your girlfriend what her comfort
level is with all of this and what her boundaries are during that
time as well. This is also a good time to discuss safe sex issues.
Assumptions are emotionally and physically dangerous when it comes
to this type of situation.
Don't
forget to discuss the boundaries for all of the relationships
afterward as well... such as phone calls, meetings, etc. For example,
your girlfriend may be comfortable with a threesome while she
is present, but not with you socializing with the other female
without her or vice versa. These things are always good to have
perfectly clear before hand.
With
that out of the way, I would also keep in mind that sometimes
our fantasies are not always the best measuring tool in order
to gage if we are actually going to be comfortable in the situation
in reality. Often times people think they will react or feel one
way, and then when presented with the reality of the situation
find that they are not feeling or thinking what they thought they
would. Happens all the time. A non-sexual example is when couples
get married. The fantasy of the wedding day is rarely as carefree
or magical as the fantasy. The same applies for other potentially
high emotional situations such as sexual adventures.
That
is why I recommend having a safety word that allows all involved
to know when something is making you feel uncomfortable. My hubby
and I have a word that we use for any situation to let the other
know when something is triggering uncomfortable feelings within
us so that we can immediately stop whatever is triggering those
feelings and if appropriate either discuss it further then or
when the time is right. We use the word "twinge." A good time
to use such a word is when couples are interacting and feelings
such as insecurity, jealousy or anger occur.
While,
my hubby and I have very strong trust between us, and most of
the time we can talk about ANYTHING with absolute comfort, we
are like any other couple and need to work through issues that
come up. There are times when we will inadvertently trigger something
in the other that on some level is hurtful. The rule for us is
that it is the person who is having the uncomfortable feelings
to say "Your twinging me." It lets the other partner know that
it is not that we are blaming them for our uncomfortable feelings,
but rather we just want to let them know so that they don't continue
to do it.
If
the moment is right we can choose to discuss it or sometimes we
will wait until later if we feel the need to. Nonetheless it is
very reassuring to each partner to know that the focus is being
a team while showing respect, love and trust toward the other
person. It creates a sense of safety and thus allows you to be
even more uninhibited because you know that no matter what happens
you will work through it.
Couples
that have the maturity to communicate at this level rarely will
have problems when exploring sexual adventures together as a couple
or with others. It is the couple that does not communicate, that
does this kind of thing spontaneously without first checking in
with the other partner or under the influence of drugs or alcohol
that are at higher risk for having problems with this. I mention
drugs and alcohol not because I necessarily condemn their use,
but because often times we use them to "loosen up," and sometimes
that means we numb ourselves to our uncomfortable feelings that
will haunt us later once sobered up.
If
you find that there are somethings that one of you is comfortable
with and the other is not, then my suggestion is not to do it.
There really needs to be respect for both partners that only those
things that you are both comfortable would be acted on. On those
things that are not comfortable for a partner then I suggest communication
to see if it can be worked through and both partners can come
to a place where it is all right, or if compromises can be made.
The goal is to ensure that both partners feel empowered and respected
no matter if they are alone or with others sexually.
To
sum up my thoughts on this issue... communication, respect and
trust.
No
matter how good it already is, it can always be better.
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Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
Lisa
S. Lawless
Founder of Holistic Wisdom
I
often get so many eMails asking for recommendations as to what
products I think are the best and are worth getting. So, I have
put together a list of those items that I not only consistently
recommend, but also use myself. I value when people "walk
their talk." I mean what is more disturbing than having someone
tell you to use a product when they themselves have never even
tired it!
My
hubby John and I make sure to try out all of the products that
we recommend and sell on our site and you can rest assured that
the items I have
compiled below in my "favorites" list are items I
myself have enjoyed for a while!
In
fact, I was just telling a customer of ours the other day that
I thought his wife would really like the Hitachi Magic Wand as
it is nice to use on your whole body not to mention the amazing
clitoral and g-spot (with attachment) stimulation it provides.
As an aside... I had the flu recently and my right ear was clogged
for four days until a massage therapist friend of mine suggested
I use it to massage my neck and ear area to relieve the pressure
from all the fluid trapped... and sure enough my ear was unclogged.
I call my Hitachi Magic Wand my buddy and my hubby also like it
too for massage for him as well as the fact that it makes his
job easier! ;-)
So
take a look below at the items I highly recommend and see if you
think you too may benefit from them.
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& See More
The
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This
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I love it because you can use it in the tub or when you
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a smaller vibrator and I like it better than the "bullet"
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& See More
The
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This is better than the ever popular Rabbit Pearl because
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told me they love. Read
& See More
The
Art of Female Ejaculation
I could not help but recommend the
video that I created because I feel it has helped so many
women and their partners. I love when customers eMail me
back and say that it worked for them as if they are surprised!
I know that even people that purchase it are skeptical that
it will work for them until they try the techniques. I then
end up getting hundreds of eMails every week saying "Wow,
it worked!" Obviously this the best video I can recommend.
Rocky
Road Baton
This is a favorite pyrex glass dildos with many of our customers
because of the handle and the wide head on the shaft. A
wonderfully defined head for a very full sensation, a bumpy
shaft for great stimulation (you really feel it when it's
inside you) and the handle makes it so easy to manipulate.
Great for g-spot and prostate massage and warms to your
body temperature and is washed easily. Read
& See More
The
Essence CD
When my hubby and I first began dating and I was planning
for a romantic night in which we would make love for the
first time, I made sure this was playing in the background.
It made our night together more beautiful and sensual! Both
of us to this day feel ready to whisk one another into the
bedroom every time we hear it!!! This is the perfect CD
to make the mood erotic, sensual, mysterious, spiritual,
and downright spicy! - Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.,
CEO (Holistic Wisdom Founder) Read
& See More
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Kama
Sutra Products Sexy
& Romantic
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO
-
Living right
outside of Boulder, Colorado affords me the opportunity to take
great delight in many of our local stores that carry sensual as
well as holistic products. When I first began to use the Kama
Sutra line I would mention it to others that I really enjoyed
the products. What surprised me was the responses I received.
It seemed most people were not only aware of the line, but used
it themselves!
So, for those
of you who are familiar with the way I work... I of course contacted
Kama Sutra and set it up so that we could not only carry their
products, but we actually offer them at a lower price then they
do! Below you can check out all of the products that Kama Sutra
makes and we offer-
If
you have not yet tried honey dust, you are in for a treat.
I personally use it, as do many women to keep my skin soft,
shimmering, scented, and with the added enticement of a
delicious flavor! Choose from the three flavors-
Sweet
Honeysuckle, Raspberry
Kiss, and Tangerines
& Cream... read more.
$19.99 Each
Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
The
Kama Sutra Massage Cream collection encourages body exploration
through the fine art of sensual massage. Lightly textured,
delicately flavored and fortified with Vitamin-E rich wheat
germ oil, these soothing, water-soluble creams are deliciously
edible. Smooth them over your lover's skin to moisturize
and reduce friction, and allow your lips to... read more.
$14.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Unleash
the sensual powers you hold in your hands with three light,
deliciously edible massage creams. Smooth, fragrant and
seductive, each tastes dangerously good. Rub on sweet Vanilla
Crème, yummy Cool Mint, and... read more.
$19.99
For The Set Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Rub
a few drops of this magical potion wherever desire leads
you. Slippery to the touch, warm to the skin and irresistible
to the tongue, these delicately scented oils arouse your
lover with a tingly glow. Each edible water based oil washes
away easily, leaving only the sweet memory of a... read more.
$11.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Challenge
your lover to name every one of these distinctive flavors
with their eyes closed. Rubbed wherever the mood inspires
you, our magical Oils of Love impart a delicate scent, warm
tingling glow and delicious taste to every kiss... read
more.
$29.99
For The Set Click Here
For More Information
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Hidden
within this beautiful tin, myriad pleasures await the curious
— to be discovered as romance unfolds. A generous, playful
and inspiring offering for weddings, anniversaries, second
honeymoons or any couple in the mood for fun... read
more.
$64.99
For The Set Click
Here
For More Information
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A chocolate
lover's wildest fantasy come true, brush on these rich,
silky body Chocolates and lick them off to your heart's
content — and your lover's delight. The ultimate in sweet
indulgence, they're a midnight snack that's lip-smacking
good and sinfully sensual... read
more.
$34.99
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Transform
a simple bath into an ocean of azure blue, body and soul
imbued with the distinct scent of the sea. After basking
together in this wondrous blend of nature's own sea salts,
sea weeds and organic moisturizes, you'll emerge from the
bath as Venus herself from the briny depths – skin softened,
body nourished and soul reawakened to the possibilities
of love. Spirited from a faraway shore, a seashell scoop
and natural loofa sponge accompany each tin of bath salts...
read more.
$19.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Bedside
portions of some of our best sellers are tucked discreetly
into this elegant glass and wood boudoir box adorned with
a flourish of antiqued gold. Just right for keeping easily
within reach on a nightstand, this keepsake collection includes
sweet, edible Honey Dust with its own feather applicator,
spicy, tingly Original Oil of Love, lubricating Love Liquid,
and Vanilla Crème Massage Cream... read
more.
$44.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
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Lovemaking
is a lot more fun when nothing gets in your way. Our water-based,
unscented personal lubricant is great to keep at hand for
smooth, sensuous encounters... read
more.
$11.99
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Don't
let romance catch you unprepared. This take-along sampler
includes travel-size portions of The Original Oil of Love,
Wild Clove Luxury Bathing Gel, passion-sustaining Pleasure
Balm, silky Sweet Almond Massage Oil, and edible Honey Dust
with a feather applicator. Sure-fire favorites for those
experienced in the joys of Kama Sutra, or a perfect introduction
for anyone in the mood for a new adventure... read
more.
$22.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
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This
gift tin fully embraces the delights of a single, luscious
flavor. It includes three deliciously edible Raspberry Kiss
offerings: sweet, soft, sensuously smooth Honey Dust body
powder with its own feather applicator, skin-tingling, taste-tantalizing
Oil of Love, and gently numbing Pleasure Balm to help him
preserve his powers into the night. The taste of Raspberry
Kiss is borrowed from ripe pleasures plucked from the berry
patch... read
more.
$36.99
Each Click
Here
For More Information
Or To Order
This
gift tin fully embraces the delights of a single, luscious
flavor. It includes three deliciously edible Tangerines
& Cream offerings: sweet, soft, sensuously smooth Honey
Dust body powder with its own feather applicator, skin-tingling,
taste-tantalizing Oil of Love, and gently numbing Pleasure
Balm to help him preserve his powers into the night. The
nostalgic Tangerines & Cream combination is taken straight
off the old neighborhood ice cream truck... read
more.
$36.99
Each Click
Here
For More Information
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Tuck
these tricks up your sleeve for when the lights go low and
the passion's on the rise. Sprinkle on sweet, edible Honey
Dust, tempt the tongue with spicy Original Oil of Love,
and keep things smooth and sensuous with lubricating Love
Liquid. An irresistible, unforgettable combination... read
more.
$24.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Ease
away the stress of the day and grow closer to a loving state
of mind. These light, non-greasy oils have been specially
designed to glide on smoothly and guide a lover's hands
in the sensual art of massage. Each Aromatic Botanical blend
is drenched with naturally pampering essential oils, skin-soothing
emollients and nourishing Vitamin E... read
more.
$12.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Don't
even think about leaving for a weekend getaway without at
least one or two of these take-along massage oils. And don't
forget about them when you're at home, either. The perfect
way to sample several blends, each is infused with natural
essential oils, skin-smoothing emollients and nourishing
Vitamin E. Includes two ounces each of Serenity, Pleasure
Garden, Sweet Almond and Soaring Spirit... read
more.
$24.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
In the
wisdom of ancient lore, botanical essential oils harbor
powers beyond merely their fragrance alone. Kama Sutra's
nectars from nature have been specially formulated to heighten
the senses our bodies were born with-and even imbue us with
a new one. Dab them on as a haunting perfume, mingle a few
drops in a mesmerizing bath, touch them on a light bulb
to sent a room. Let your imagination explore their many
virtues... read more.
$36.99
For The Set Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
Turn
the simple ritual of a bath or shower into a sensual interlude
with these indulgent bathing gels. Cleansing, refreshing
and silky smooth, their rich, satiny lathers impart an enticing
fragrance and subtle sensation to your skin. Created from
a blend of ten naturally moisturizing vegetable oils and
Vitamin E-rich wheat germ...
read more.
$11.99
Each Click Here
For More Information
Or To Order
The
Ancient Art of Making Love-
This refreshing modern version of the Kama Sutra keeps the
wisdom from centuries ago, but is written in the language
of the new millennium. Bound carefully in selected Japanese
silk and set to exquisite original Indian Illustrations.
176 pages in bound hardcover....
read more.
For
a funny stocking stuffer, check out our adult "Weenie
Babies," and other novelties
Holistic Wisdom
Readers
Forum
This
section allows our readers to provide feedback regarding
articles and topics on our web site. All correspondence
from our readers is with their permission. Opinions expressed
through our forum are not necessarily our own, but we
believe in the freedom of speech and allow for those who
wish to be heard an opportunity to express themselves.
To submit your opinions
such as the one's shown below eMail
us for consideration
of publishing it in our next newsletter.
To
Lisa- (Asking about increasing sex drive in women)
Hello,
I
live in Canada and I would like to know in your opinion,
does Ginkgo Biloba increase a women's Libido? Do you know
of any product that does increase a Women's Libido?
-Anonymous
Lisa's Reply-
Ginkgo
is a popular herb that has been used traditionally for thousands
of years, and recently for its reported effects for memory,
brain and heart benefits. Ginkgo works to dilate blood vessels
giving more blood to the extremities. These actives also
improve elasticity to blood vessels, allowing more blood
to flow through the body. Blood flow does aid in sexual
arousal, however the degree that Ginkgo will increase one's
sex drive if at all is debatable. There are no tests that
I am aware of that confirm the degree to which
Ginkgo is effective in this area.
One
way that you may want to try increasing the sex drive is
masturbating more often. As odd as that may sound, stimulating
the clitoris with a vibrator
increases blood flow to the genitals quite effectively and
doing that regularly (every other day or so) is in my opinion
more effective than pills or other aids. Certainly it is
up to the individual to determine the best course of action
and to discuss with their physician the possibility of medical
issues to ensure optimal health. Best of luck to you and
let me know how that works for you.
Lisa,
(Asking
about increasing a man's ejaculation)
Along
time ago I saw a vitamin supplement, that was supposedly
endorsed by peter north. It was supposed to make you ejaculate
buckets. Hence the reason I call peter north "Mr. buckets
o' love". is there really a supplement or a combination
of natural supplements that will increase the male ejaculate.
I've heard waiting several days in between ejaculations
increases it, but I can't wait that long, and the girl I'm
with thinks peter is a god, because he can ejaculate so
much. Is there hope for me to achieve this god like status
or is it all just special effects in the adult film industry.
-Anonymous
Lisa's
Reply-
I would
stay away from supplements like that because the health
risks are not clear and people often promote ridiculous
things to make a buck. I can tell you a trick that many
in the porn industry know about that allows men to ejaculate
a lot! You may not be in to it but I will let you discern
if it is right for you. As you may know your ejaculate is
combined from prostate fluid that comes from... you guessed
it, your prostate. If you stimulate your prostate you will
cause it to create more fluid and in turn be able to ejaculate
a great deal more. I have written an article
about prostate massage if you want to take a look.
Hope that this helps and perhaps even you will show your
baby buckets o' love!
Lisa-
(Asking about the possibilities of urinating when ejaculating)
First
a little background....I am a 32 year old mother of 2 children...11
& 4. I am able to squirt. I know that you are not supposed
to be able to urinate while you are having sex, but there
are times when I swear that I am peeing and/or squirting.
I have smelled the bed sheets afterwards and to me it smells
like pee, and on a white sheet, sometimes it is stained
yellow. So I am wondering, why this happens. It doesn't
happen very often at all, but the fact that it does happen
makes me hold back on my orgasm. Sometimes to the point
where I have to fight
the feeling of wanting to squirt.
My boyfriend
and I find this extremely hot. When we first got together
and I showed him I could squirt, he was fascinated with
it. And only the first time it happened with him did he
ever say that it tasted like urine. I told him that it sometimes
it feels like it is too, but not always. We have been together
for a year now and I have only felt as though I have pee'd
one other time since our first incident. Most of the time,
like I said, I don't let go. I hold it back. I still squirt,
but don't feel completely relieved. I'm sorry if I am rambling
on, but it is kinda hard to explain. I hope it makes sense
to you. What I need to know is what can I do to make this
stop? is your answer Kegel exercises? Any other suggestions?
Thank you again for your time.
-Anonymous
Lisa's
Reply-
I completely
understand what you are describing. What you may be needing
to do is simply urinate before sexual activity because unlike
men, women can urinate during sexual activity. Urine
comes from the bladder and comes out the Urethra. Female
Ejaculate comes from the Skenes glands (the glands that
make up the g-spot) and comes out the Urethra. So, it is
very possible that you are doing both at the same time,
or simply urinating. You will know the difference as the
ejaculate is watery in appearance and often has a sweet
scent or even no real scent at all.
What
also may be a factor is that some women (especially after
having children) experience a small form of incontinence
from time to time. Kegel exercises generally assist with
preventing this. It will help hold in the urine in when
you do not want it to come out. However, clenching down
can also keep the ejaculate from coming out so emptying
the bladder prior to sexual activity is always the best
bet. I hope that answers your question. Let me know if you
need further information as there is more information in
my book and
video.
I love your newsletter, am learning many things and think
your collection of products is very intriguing. I wanted to
give my input about female ejaculation. I saw this happen
for the first time when I was twenty and sleeping with a nice
couple. I saw the woman ejaculate all over the Oriental rug.
It scared me at first because I had never heard of it let
alone seen it squirt. Twelve years later, I started squirting
myself. I just imagine it happening and "push out" with my
urethral muscles. When I first began, the area around my urethra
felt erect and irritated for an hour afterwards. Now, it doesn't.
I just love the feeling of the liquid coming out. It's the
best feeling in the world.
- Happy in Texas
Hi
Lisa,
(Regarding
Penis Enlargement Articles One
& Two)
I
just wanted to update you on my status with the penis enlargement
program you recommended to me. I started with a size of
Slightly under 5". I'm now slightly over 6" in length, and
have gained almost a full 1/2" in width. So thank you for
your recommendation.
-Anonymous
Lisa's
Reply-
Wow,
that is great results!
Lisa-
(Regarding The Art of Female Ejaculation video)
Hey
Lisa, I received the DVD on female ejaculation, and I find
it very informative, as well as erotic. Thanks for this
information on this subject. It's nice knowing that ALL
women are capable of gushing during orgasm, and I love watching
a woman squirt. Thanks for the great DVD.
Arthur
Hi
Lisa,
(Regarding
how to push female ejaculate out & clit enlargement)
I would to thank you on a great site and the information
on it. We are still trying to master the art of female ejaculation
and are having some trouble figuring which muscles to use.
Some videos we have seen; when they squirt, the muscle around
the bum moves out, and other videos when they squirt you
don't see any muscle movement.
Could
you give us any extra hints and explain the bear down factor
a little better (my wife has had three kids a long time
ago ). How do you get the cum to squirt out with force because
it just trickles out at the moment or does that take practice??
All your help would be appreciated.
The
other information ( if possible ) we are interested in is
female vacuum pumping the clit to make it larger for easier
access. What I have read off the Internet is the bigger
the clit the more intense the orgasm( not that I want a
huge clit ). There is nothing on the net to give any instructions;
just to pump for 10-40 minutes.
If
you can supply more detailed instructions great, but if
not oh well. Because if you do not ask you don't know..................and
we all know how complicated our bodies are so you can never
get enough information about it. The reason we are asking
is because your site is so informative we thought you might
like to add some information to it about this subject as
well, seeing as there isn't really any other sites that
go into any detail about this subject.
Many
thanks,
Jenny
& Marcus
Lisa's
Reply-
Hi Jenny
& Marcus,
Thank
you for your inquiry.
1) In
regard to pushing out female ejaculate... it is simply finding
the moment that a woman feels like she has to urinate and
then bearing down and pushing out the vagina as though she
were going to push urine out of the urethra really hard.
That is where the ejaculate is coming from (the Skenes glans
that are connected to the urethra) so that is where a woman
should focus. Obviously you can sometimes see other muscles
around the anus contract because bearing down and pushing
in that general area will also activate other muscles to
contract.
2) In
regard to clitoral enlargement... it is not the size of
the clitoris that makes it more sensitive... just like a
man with a large penis is not more sensitive than a man
with a smaller penis. Essentially, the pumps make the clitoris
more sensitive because it is drawing blood up to the clitoris
and stimulating the nerve endings there. You should be careful
not to use anything that would cause damage to the tissue
and nerve endings... anything that would break blood vessels
is too much suction, and certainly you would not want to
do it excessively. However, using mild suction can offer
enhanced clitoral sensitivity, and for that I would recommend
toys that are especially geared for clitoral and nipple
suction.
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