The Holistic Wisdom Journal  

March 15 , 2003 ~ Articles In This Issue...

~ Does Your Partner Know How To Sexually Please You?
   Are You Letting Them Know How?

~ Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery
    How to Make Love For As Long As Your Partner Wants, While You Experience
    More Ecstasy Than You Ever Imagined Possible!

~ Love Oils
    A Guide For Using Massage Oils To Lubricants!

 

Does Your Partner Know How
To Sexually Please You?

Written By

Greg Hall Holistic Wisdom Consultant

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. Holistic Wisdom Founder

 

Fascinating isn't it, how we really don't talk much about our sexual desires or practices? Oh, we often speak of trivial aspects but when was the last time you had a completely open and honest conversation about what you or your partner really wants or would like sexually? We often skirt around it hoping they'll discover our inner secret by either stumbling upon it or by some other mysterious method. Sometimes we even think that if they "really loved" us they would simply know or make sure to figure it out.

What keeps you from being totally honest with your partner? Is it a fear of acceptance, rejection, a taboo subject, or maybe something you want seems too kinky? Or is it more akin to your perception of your own desire being repugnant or making your lover feel less adequate by their not fully satisfying your desires? No matter what you may be holding back, it is important to remind ourselves that the desires we don't express, will usually go unsated.

Our partner is not here to cater to our every desire by intuition… part of our development as a human being is to learn to express ourselves in a way that honors ourselves as well as our partner. I mean how hard is it to say "Ya know honey… I think it would be so cool if we___ or if you___ that would drive me wild!!! Oh, and while we are chatting… what naughty ideas do you have for me to pleasure you my lover?"

One of the main challenges between lovers often boils down to ineffective communication resulting in misunderstandings. A major contributor to this is a basic lack of communication and negotiating skills with one's partner. While many cultures negotiate and haggle as part of daily life, we have generally become timid and outright fearful of negotiating and then settle for what is offered. At the other end of the spectrum of holding our desires inward, we may go beyond simply feeling dissatisfied and actually "punish" our partner through passive aggressive or outright aggressive ways to get our needs met.

When we stuff are needs they will come out one way or another whether we do so consciously or unconsciously and often we and are partner are left feeling dissatisfied, frustrated, and if left unaddressed… apathetic. Oddly enough, what we were trying to avoid in the first place (rocking the boat) we often end up doing anyway because of our lack of communication with our partner. At least if we had been honest with ourselves and our partner in the first place we would be able to address the heart of the matter and increase the possibility of true intimacy… which by the way… makes for great sex. So, ask yourself this… if you are not satisfied with your sex life make sure to first check in with yourself as to whether or not you have asked your partner for what you wanted.

Open and honest communication in a healthy and loving relationship is a daily event. The contrary of this leads to dysfunction and a break down of the relationship as well as a general feeling of self worth within ourselves. That is why extra marital affairs are so common as it is an easy escape from dealing with our own failures in a relationship. The problem with that is that they only end up making everything worse… so why not skip the drama and go straight to the good stuff… loving and honoring ourselves through our honest thoughts and feelings. It only adds to our integrity which makes us feel good about ourselves as well as making us more attractive to our partner.

Relationship Maintenance-

Imagine if your partner said "Well, I brushed my teeth so now I don't ever have to do that again. Scary thought! Yet, during courtships we say and do many things we simply quit doing after our relationship has stabilized into the long-term. Why? It's like gasoline in a car. If that's what it took initially to get somewhere, why wouldn't you keep filling the tank to keep it going? In addition… don't forget to check the oil and maintain this "vehicle of love." If the best way to travel is first class, then why do so many of our vehicles of love look like beaters held together with bailing wire and bubble gum?

It doesn't take money to have a classic first class love machine. It takes regular maintenance and repair of what you have. Remember, it only takes a little attention and conversation to get things going, but a lot of costly repair when you let communication slide.

Before you wind up in the typical accusatory conversation of "you never", "you don't" or other such offensive stance, take a minute and ask yourself if you're both being honest about what you want. Take the risk of being vulnerable and start talking. Work together on common ground and don't be afraid to try new things. After all, the deepest intimacy is not only powerful, rewarding and encourages growth on many levels… it can also be really fun both in and out of the bedroom… like the kitchen table, the bath, the car…

 

 

 

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Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery
    How to Make Love For As Long As Your Partner Wants, While You Experience More Ecstasy Than You Ever Imagined Possible!

By Dhyan Somraj Pokras
Holistic Wisdom Consultant

What Is Male Multiple Orgasm And How Can The Average Guy Learn It?

Dhyan Jeffre & Dhyan Somraj Tantra At Tahoe

Can you get it up again and again each night after orgasm? For many, recovering following ejaculation isn't easy. The older you get the harder it is. Or the softer it is.

For some of us, quick recovery is an impossible dream. The delay in getting turned on enough to do it again, technically called the refractory period, is a natural part of physiology. Is getting or staying hard after ejaculating what multi-orgasmic men learn?

No. Male Multiple Orgasm means learning to have a series of phenomenal climaxes without ejaculating. Yes, you can learn to separate orgasm from ejaculation. Multi-orgasmic men experience many "dry climaxes" before they choose the wet kind.

Can only vegetarians do this? Do you need drugs? Special world-class DNA? Years of yoga and deprivation?

No, definitely not. Any willing guy, like you, can learn to time his ejaculation with a little practice. And to give and receive as many orgasms as he and his partner wants.

Interested in learning how? Read on to find out exactly what a dry orgasm is, to take a closer look at the difference between orgasm and ejaculation, and to discover how you can become multi-orgasmic.

LESS THAN A DAY IN THE LIFE

An orgasm is defined as a sexual climax, a few seconds of the most intense pleasure during sexual intercourse, usually accompanied with explosive release.

Think of how much trouble we all go to for these occasional few seconds. If you orgasm for 10 seconds, three times a week (the high end of national estimates), for 50 years, were only talking about 21 hours. That's less than one day of pleasure for an entire life of average sex.

But what if you could orgasm multiple times every night? What if you could go on continuously for hours? Is that possible?

Tantric gurus of the East have been studying all aspects of pleasure and human existence for thousands of years. Through Tantra, the ancient science of sacred sexuality, it is very possible to learn to extend your sexual stamina and virtually go all night.

Here's what Patrick from North Carolina wrote us: "Before I took up Tantra, I couldn't last for more than 4 seconds. Now that you have enlightened me about Tantra, I can go for hours. After 4 months of practicing Tantra, I can now go for 7 hours! I just can't believe that it is just that powerful."

Men, aren't you just a little curious? Women, don't you want to help your lover go on and on? The pay-off of longer-lasting ecstasy is definitely worth it.

ORGASM TO THE WESTERN SCIENTIFIC MIND

Masters and Johnson broke sex down into four stages: arousal, excitement, explosion, and resolution. The explosion phase, ejaculatory orgasm, is a two-step process. First, after reaching the point of no return, the muscles around your prostate gland contract and empty semen into the urethral canal. Second, the smooth muscles around your pelvic floor rhythmically pump the released fluids out the end of your pleasure stick.

If you're interested in teaching yourself multiple orgasm, a great way to start is to become more aware of these processes with this enjoyable exercise...

1) Self pleasure up to the point of no return.
        (Nothing to feel guilty about, doctor's orders!)

2) Relax completely.

3) Pay close attention to what happens as you ejaculate.

4) Can you feel the involuntary spasms around your
    prostate and the contractions that propel your semen
    outward?

With a little practice, you'll notice each distinct change and sensation as they happen. Some students repeat this exercise over and over in the interests of scientific inquiry. We applaud them for their dedication!

TANTRIC ORGASM, A DIFFERENT BREED OF ECSTASY

Tantric adepts view ejaculatory orgasm as building energy in the erogenous zones, getting swept away by passion, and exploding with ejaculation. When the excitement climbs higher than you can contain, all your juice finds the path of least resistance out through the genitals, releasing built-up energy and the inevitable wet spot.

What could be better than the rush of that fantastic 10-second expulsion? The Tantric Orgasm is a long series of slow, intensely pleasurable, full-body vibrations accompanied by surge after surge of orgasmic energy. If they continue without ejaculation, the waves of ecstasy climb to unheard of heights. By conserving energy instead of throwing it away by ejaculating, you get higher and hotter all over your body.

To experience Tantric Orgasm, you just pump built-up sexual energy away from your genitals. When you recirculate intense arousal without explosive release, you can still feel those exquisite smooth muscle contractions around your pelvic floor. The slang for these inner energy climaxes is "dry orgasms." Actually, they feel more like implosions, the inner explosion of unrestrained sexual power inside your body.

Temporarily after a dry orgasm during intercourse, excitation typically decreases enough so that you can enjoy more vigorous stroking without ejaculating. Tantric lovemaking rises slowly to a peak, stops to savor the pleasure, pumps fast for a bit, reaches another ecstatic peak, and then repeats over and over. Sound like fun?

I'M CONVINCED, WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

There are many ways for men to interrupt ejaculation just before the point of inevitability. For example, if you press on your prostate gland through the perineum (the spot between your testicles & anus) or squeeze the base of your penis to prevent the fluid explosion. You can learn this kind of control, but Tantric methods are by far more pleasurable.

To learn multiple Tantric Orgasm, first, learn to relax completely while you're highly aroused. This is the opposite of most guy's programming, which is to tense up when excited. After relaxing, sensitize yourself to sexual energy, you know, that inner vibration like electricity that stimulates your nerves, warms your body, and titillates your erogenous zones.

Instead of focusing on the Big O, the next time you make love, try this...

1) Start slowly without a goal or agenda about what's going to happen.

2) At each moment, concentrate on what you're feeling and where.

3) As the energy collects strongly in your genitals, slow down, breathe deeply,
   and relax.

4) Visualize your sexual fire streaming up your body away from your genitals.

5) When the excitement surges intensely, stop all movement and enjoy it.
    You might feel hot waves of ecstasy all over, or you might ejaculate strongly, or
    you might just orgasm without ejaculating.

Through dedicated practice, which is loads of fun, you can learn to monitor your level of arousal, relax when you're too excited, interrupt ejaculation, and spread sexual energy for full-body orgasms. Fortunately, these exercises, when done regularly, are proven to be 95% effective.

THE BOTTOM LINE

Remember...
* Orgasm does not have to equal ejaculation.
* Relax your sexual muscles at the right time.
* Go higher and higher by conserving energy, not exploding.
* Circulate sexual energy inside for implosive orgasm after orgasm.

You see, it's not a myth. You can orgasm again and again while you last and last. When your female lover learns to savor this same pace, you can ride the wave of bliss together to unimaginable peaks.


P.S. There are actually 12 techniques to interrupt ejaculation.
           For free access CLICK HERE

Dhyan Jeffre TallTrees, Ph.D. is a licensed SkyDancing Tantra Teacher with over 30 years of clinical experience in relationships and human sexuality. Jeffre is co-author of Intimacy: The Green Light for Red Hot Sex and A Lifetime Of Loving. Dhyan Somraj is the author of countless articles about Tantra, over 50 workshops, and 4 books including Ultimate Ejaculation Mastery. During his 30 year career as a counselor, group facilitator, and trainer, Somraj has guided more that 20,000 people to lead more effective lives. i

 

Love Oils
    A Guide For Using Massage Oils To Lubricants!

Written By

By Cara Jade Croft Holistic Wisdom Consultant

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. Holistic Wisdom Founder

 

Ode To Lube!
Let's face it... lubricants make everything feel so good! Whether you are using a sex toy or grinding up against your lover(s) you can always have more fun when you use it.

Lubricants make sex toys and sex play not only feel better, but also more safe. Think about what happens when you're having sex: the body creates natural lubrication so you and your partner don't hurt each other with too much friction. While your body can make a lot of it (especially with female ejaculation) the kind of "slickness" that lubricants provide can be very hot! The same logic applies to using toys, either with a partner or during solo play. Really, I don't think there's such thing as too much lubrication. Even if you lubricate naturally, a dab of extra lubricant on your toy or a body part is a highly recommended addition. It's better to be safe and slippery than sorry and sore!

Pick the Right Lube
Lubricants come in three basic formulations: water-based lube, which is the most common and most versatile, silicone-based lube, which is similar to water-based lube but waterproof, and petroleum-based lube, which is great for anal play.

Water-Based Lubricants
Water-based lubes, such as Astroglide may be used on virtually any body part, vibrator, masturbation sleeve, erection ring or dildo. An exception may be toys for anal play, as you may want a lubricant that also contains a desensitizer -- this is purely preference, of course.

The greatest advantage of water-based lube is the easy cleanup: You simply rinse off the toy with warm water, and voila! The lube is gone! However, this "no muss, no fuss" quotient also has a down side -- if you like to use waterproof toys (during a bath, in a hot tub, what have you), a water-based lubricant will rinse right off -- which really defeats the whole purpose of using lube!

You definitely want to use a water-based lube with anything made of silicone. A silicone lube used on a silicone toy will destroy the toy. Silicone is essentially made up of tiny glass beads; when these beads rub together, they will merely scratch one another other, wreaking havoc on the silicone toy. So stick with a water-based lube for your premium silicone toys, and use silicone lube for the purpose for which it was intended!

Silicone-Based Lubricants
Silicone lubes are the perfect choice for sensual fun in the water. If you love your waterproof toys (or just love having sex in the water), you and a silicone lubricant will be lifetime companions! Of course, a silicone-based lube is not as readily available at your corner drugstore as a water-based lube, but fortunately, you can get plenty here through our site!

Another "pro" for silicone lubricant is that it lasts longer and can be easily revived after a lengthy encounter with your favorite vibrating friend, just by adding a little water or saliva to it. Silicone lubes never really get absorbed or evaporate the way a water-based lube may. On the other hand, this also means that getting your toys (and yourself) clean will take a little more effort, but it certainly doesn't need to be sandblasted off. A good soapy wash should do the trick and that can be fun in itself!

Petroleum-Based Lubricants
Petroleum-based lube should really only be used with non-latex anal toys or for male masturbation. These lubes are great for anal play because they're generally thicker than other types of lubricant, making entry easier. A good one to try is Anal Eze as it's petroleum-based and also contains a desensitizer.

Do not use a petroleum-based lube with anything made of latex -– toys, condoms, or other products -– as the petroleum will destroy the latex on contact. Petroleum also tends to irritate a woman's vagina, so we don't recommended this type of lubricant for intercourse or for use with any sort of vibrator or dildo intended for vaginal penetration.

Using Lube
Now that you've taken a closer look at lube, you're probably wondering about the best way to apply it. Again, this is really personal preference, but here are our tips for the easiest and least-messy way.

On the Body
Much like massage oils, if you're lubing yourself or a lover's body part, do not pour the lube directly from the bottle onto bare skin! Pour the lubricant into the palm of your hand and warm it to body temperature before applying it to warm skin. This rule also applies using lubricant on your toys. After all, you wouldn't want to get a chill because you applied a cold lubricant to your favorite dildo!

 

Sharing Toys
If you're sharing a toy with your partner, such as a vibrating erection ring, just lube everything! Well, actually, be sure to lubricate the penis it will be on, any stimulating pieces on the ring (bullet, animal-shaped head, what have you) and the person receiving the action. Of course, you don't need to lubricate the entire person (unless you want to and especially if it's flavored lubricant so you can lick it off them!), just the receiving sexual organ!

 

Now Go Out There and Lube Up!
Lubes are manufactured in many, many different consistencies, colors, even flavors -- it's best to experiment and find the right one for you. Think about what you want most in a lubricant, if you have any sensitivities (flavored lube can sometimes cause yeast infections), and what you'll mainly be using it for -- solo sex, toy fun, a combination of sex toys and your partner, water shenanigans? If you're intrigued by something, try a sample (if possible) or buy the smallest bottle that's offered, so you can discover your favorite without spending a ton of money.
 

 

Product~	Description~
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Anal Eze For Men & Women 1.5 oz tube $7.99	Anal-Eze is one of the best know anal desensitizing cream available! Anal Eze is highly recommended for both men and women; and if you are just starting to explore the fantastic joys of anal play, you definitely owe it to yourself to use Anal-Eze! -
Vibrafem For Women $29.99	Vibrafem is a topical gel containing L-Arginine and Menthol that facilitates sexual arousal when applied to the clitoris. Vibrafem is intended to aid in stimulating the clitoris to increase the duration and intensity of your orgasm. Vibrafem may also aid women who have difficulty experiencing orgasm. The tissue of the vagina is highly sensitive. Vibrafem blends small concentrations of its active ingredients to achieve the highest sensation possible without discomfort. Start with a small amount at first and apply to the clitoral area. Be sure to cover thoroughly, especially the area on the underside of the clitoris. Massage gently for a couple of minutes. Apply more if necessary. Vibrafem contains two main active ingredients L-Arginine and Menthol. L-Arginine is an amino acid that stimulates blood flow and increases dilation of the blood vessels in the clitoris. Menthol provides a fresh, clean erotic sensation. Ingredients: Purified Water, Propylene Glycol, Hydroxyethyl Cellulose, L-Arginine, Menthol, Methylparaben, Propylparaben.
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Cyberskin Powder Lubricant Our Low Price- $8.99 -	This powder keeps your Cyberskin toys feeling great! Cyberskin™ lasts longer when used with the specially formulated Cyberskin™ powder and lubricant. NEVER use a silicone based lubricant as it can cause the Cyberskin™ to deteriorate. Following use wash with warm water and any antibacterial soap. Pat dry with a soft towel and allow to air dry. Apply the formulated Cyberskin™ powder, wrap in a soft material and store in a clean dry place separately from other toys. Be sure to read the manufacturers instructions on how to care for these products.

 

Enjoy!

 

 

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