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General Comments~

Absolutely love the newsletter actually getting a great education!

Lisa,                                                                  "Sex Before Marriage"

Thank you for your insightful newsletter. How I wish this had been out 30 years ago. I was a virgin the day I married. And it wasn't for lack of offers, it was just something I felt was 'right' at the time. How wrong I was. It wasn't until I had been married for 27 years, his abuse escalated from emotional and verbal to physical [this seemed to coincide with my graduation from college], and I finally had the nerve to end the marriage that I realized he used sex as a weapon, something to control me.

There have only been three men with whom I've been intimate. [Honestly, I feel rather slow.] I have a wonderful man in my life now, who is understanding of my foibles, and doesn't treat me as second class because I lack a penis. He's also great in bed.

                                                                         "Women In Porn"

As far as actresses in pornography go, I work in law offices. We have represented women in the industry, and who worked as outcall prostitutes. On the whole, they are nice, normal women that I wouldn't mind having lunch with. One is just as apt to run into a stripper at the local PTA meeting as anyone else. It just happens to be how they earn their living. I have nothing but the highest respect for them. And a bit of envy, because they're making a hell of a lot more money than I ever could, typing up divorce complaints.

Thank you again for your great letter. It has become the highlight of my email week.

Helen

Women should have the freedom to make their own decisions in life as long as they are mature and responsible enough to choose their path. However, I also feel that they should be ready to accept any criticism and the consequences.

A woman should have the right be be in porn if she chooses. I do not agree with rape in any form. Sex should be between two (or more if that is what you are into) consenting adults. My wife was molested at an early age and she is not damaged goods. A women's past has nothing to do with her present or future in most cases. I realize that there are many women (more men) that never grow up and seem to want extra marital sex which hurts their spouse in the long run.

Due to her bad experience my wife was sexually active at an early age but never enjoyed sex, and she can't explain why she had sex since she hated it. A bad experience can affect a person emotionally and mentally, but if the man can be supportive and loving and be there for her while showing that sex can be loving, enjoyable and fun.

I think my wife is the most beautiful woman I have ever met, inside and out. We have a perfect sex life and she cannot keep her hands off of me. I am very proud of her! She tells me that it was me who did it for her, but I tell her that she did it and allowed me to be there for her.

As far as sex before marriage, I say if it feels good, do it. It is the men who are insecure about themselves that are the damaged goods. They may break a woman down, or push them away. In any relationship there has to be trust and above all...RESPECT. If these elements are not there, do not get married. These are my opinions, and I am one opinionated S.O.B!!!

Hi there Lisa,

firstly I hope you are doing well in the latest newsletter we had some interesting topics and before even reading your articles I already agreed with you (I am not finished yet, haven't read the women in porn one yet, but that's for after this email) that's not to say I was going to be on your side no matter what you said I mean I already held the views you were sharing so on to the point of my email today

I found this issue of the news letter very hard to read why? I hear you ask because these topics make me so angry I don't believe in words like "slut" being applied to women it aggravates me SO MUCH when I hear people talking about a certain .. anyone saying oh that *Insert female name here* is such a slut , she was out with guy1 just last night and now she is up to guy3, and its only been four days or even when a guy breaks up with a chick, after the normal period of sadness usually comes the period of anger where anytime the name of their previous partner leaves their mouth its normally followed by "is such a slut" and I FUCKING HATE IT !!!

I'm sorry for having to express my self in such a manner but there is no other way, I myself don't use words like "used" or "damaged goods" for a woman and I try so very very hard not to use words like "slut" in the traditional sense in regard to a woman I have tried to reinvent the word, and I now use the word against a GUY who has just beaten me at something , like a multi player computer game for example cause its a nice harsh word, but with its new context, doesn't have any full on hostility attached my reasoning is this in the language of men the traditional usage of the word "slut" is a woman who will fuck anything that moves and has a phallic object, this means a woman who will have sex with a guy if he just asks nicely, or courts her for a little while.

Now fine, I can see why society would want a word to associate this attribute to a person but this next part is where I come unglued and lose all understanding with my fellow man if a woman of this nature is a "slut" because she knows what she wants sexually and is NOT afraid to go out and get what she wants, when she wants it. Then why is not every man on this planet called a slut instead of man????? 'Cause only those who are already getting it from a loved one, would turn down a attractive woman if she approached them (in any place u choose) and asked them for sex they would be back at her place as fast as the taxi would get them there wouldn't they so why the hell do they get away with calling a woman who enjoys her sexuality a "slut" arg, it makes me so angry

I just want to break these fucking idiots in half. I have a lady friend who has had some bad experience with guys, and she was telling me her story one night, during a very intimate phone call, of these experiences that she felt she was somehow unclean or dirty or something, and was afraid I wouldn't be her friend any more her relating her story to me caused her much pain, she was in tears for half the time when she said "I will understand if you don't want to talk to me anymore because I'm a slut"

I was so hurt, my friend is such a fantastic woman, I would of asked her out my self if she wants already involved with some one else. She is such a great person, but society make her believe she is unworthy because of things she has done needless to say we both cried enough during that phone call I'm glad I had already told her a few weeks before that how much I hate the word slut and why but that didn't give me anything to really say to her how does one guy undo the imprint of society upon even a single wounded female I cant do it , it has taken me a very long time for her to believe that I actually do think she is very attractive. I'm afraid deep down she is still ashamed of her self because of words like "slut" that exist in our society and I hate it.

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Women's views are good but better when the spouse is reading with you, the last week issue of when and attitude for when why and how much should a woman give her man a "blowjob" was very important and he said he agreed and loves the sex act but he always hoped for more and now together that has help from your letter.

I never let go with my orgasms and feared peeing and never understood the female ejaculation, but now soak the bed in pools of fluid. He loves when I cum and asks for me to play with myself just to watch and now love to give him a wet show many times all over him with as far as 2 1/2 - 3 ft shots with my powerful orgasms.

I no longer hold back , I now cum to the point of total body collapse and lay there in recovery and he eats me out and I go again.

Sex needs to released from woman's minds that it is dirty and learn what their body will really do if let go to max orgasm in sex with your partner, man or woman, or solo just to let go and orgasm to relax after a long day. How much is the flesh light I have not seen a price and would like to buy for him to watch him masturbate for me with it?

Thanks,
Debbie

I personally don't believe that it is wrong, but in a religious perspective it is! but if you are practicing that moral, you would have to appreciate that finding some one who shares the same moral is very rare, you could be waiting a long time, also not many women/guys will stay with a partner now days if they refuse to make love to them! a woman in "USED" in my opinion when she is for example promised or lead to believe she will get a little more than a one night stand or sex but gets nothing/is lied to. She is used when she has been lied to in order for the guy to get what he wants.

Damaged goods? well every guy prefers a virgin, it can be an "ego" thing or just the fact that they like to have something no one else has had, however this too is very rare, so in general standards a woman is "Damaged Goods" when she has slept around a lot and is known for it, or when she has slept with someone you know or are closely acquainted with.(As he cannot approach her because someone has already been there, its a territory thing, no one likes to have something that everyone's got or had).

I hope this is some help to you, take care and enjoy your weekend!

Lisa's Reply-

Hi,

Thank you for your reply to the newsletter. I understand why people think that women deserve these titles through rationalizing, but it seems rather sexist to not apply them to men if you are going to go in that direction. Furthermore, I agree with you... it is an "ego thing." Coming from one's ego we have a tendency to be judgmental and critical of others.

You mention that coming from a religious perspective it is wrong to be sexual before marriage. It seems to me that the true message of most religions is to not be judgmental. Doesn't Christianity say-

Matthew 7:1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.

Ecclesiastes 7:20 For there is not a just man upon earth, that doeth good, and sinneth not.

Wasn't it Jesus, Christianity's big guy that said “He that is without sin among you, let him cast the first stone at her.”

So the point of the article is to say that we have a right to jealousy, insecurity and other human emotions, but to cast judgment on a person man or woman is something I feel to be wrong. Calling someone "used" is making them out to be less of a person than the person saying it. I don't believe someone who is evolved, has a strong sense of self esteem and integrity would say that about someone regardless of their sex.

Thanks again for your comments. I believe that open debate is a great way to learn about ourselves and others.

Best,

Lisa

Ramone's Reply To Lisa-

Yes, but first please don't get me wrong, I just want to say that I was giving you the viewpoint of the general "male" perspective.

I'm never one to judge. Your right in saying that those biblical scriptures do speak of not judging and the fact that we will and do sin against god and have no right to judge others for their sins when we ourselves sin. But most people judge out of their own insecurities and jealousy anyway, and the fact is from a religious point of view the bible states we should not pursue sex before marriage, I have recently started to look into religion and attempt to follow it but as I said previously it would be difficult to find someone who would take that standpoint! also as humans we set our own standards and alter them after time.

As for the "used" part it all boils down to the point of "MAN" being the dominant or superior party in our species, it is supposed to be our role and to our credit as "alpha males" and pack leaders to have a great sex life, however as we set our own standards and times are changing you can notice that women are almost contributing an equal role in society so this viewpoint of women being "used" is lessening as they take their standpoint in society, also women are a lot more driven and demanding in this day and it seems they are taking a lot more control now, it wont be long before we are chasing you to the point that we feel used!

Debate is an amazing way to discover the views and perspectives of others, no one can take their own view as the right one until they have learnt and heard others, this way we are inclined to have a greater understanding and a broader mind on any given subject, I also believe that it helps you to be a lot more considerate and understanding of other peoples feelings and views!

Thank you for your reply!

Ramone T. Savva

Lisa,

My name is Kevin. You sent me an email about your Holistic Wisdom newsletter asking for my opinion. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are doing a very good thing. Your newsletter is informative and helpful. It's cool that you distribute this kind of information for free. The Internet can be used as a tool to manipulate and rob people of their money. I'm glad to see someone like yourself who is actually offering material for free and not scamming people. On behalf of probably a lot of people, thank you.

Sincerely,

Kevin

Female Ejaculation Color-

Quick question. When my wife ejaculates, it's not clear, but a rusty color. Is she ejaculating, or is she peeing? She says she's ejaculating. She experiences pleasure, but not sure if she really is. Could you please tell me what she is experiencing?

THANK YOU,
D

Lisa's Reply-

Hi D,

Thank you for your inquiry. Female Ejaculate is generally clear. If it is rusty, she may have blood mixed in (from her menstrual cycle or a health problem) or it could be urine. I do not want to alarm you, but because female ejaculation is typically clear in color, the best thing for her to do is mention it to her OBGYN, because if it is blood that is causing the "rust" color coming from her urethra, there may be a health problem that requires treatment.

A quick idea to determine if it is urine (because women can also urinate during sex, unlike men), have her urinate before and after sexual activity into a cup and compare the smell and color. Urine has a distinct smell and it should be easy to tell.

Again, I really recommend she check with her doctor to be examined and make sure nothing is wrong. As I always say... better safe than sorry. Hope that helps.

Best,
Lisa

Dear Lisa,

Regarding Article On Sex Before Marriage-

I have asked myself and others over the years, what does it mean to be a "VIRGIN?" If a man or woman has sex with many partners, but never gives their heart to anyone, can that person still be considered a virgin? The dictionary defines "virgin" as being untouched. I think this includes more than just the physical realm of a person's being. It also involves the spiritual, mental, and emotional aspects of a person. I did not have intercourse before marriage, but had petted and had oral sex and some pretty terrific makeout sessions while in high school and college. But as much as my physical body enjoyed the sensations of the touching (without intercourse), I was unable or unwilling to let go fully and give my heart and soul to the sexual moment. And after 25 years of marriage and giving birth to one child, I still have not given my heart and soul to my husband. So, am I still a VIRGIN?

Regarding Article On Women In Porn-

The first time I ever watched a porn movie, I prayed for the people in the movie. I felt so sad for them. Of course, at that time, I was a very religiously intoxicated person and felt a certain pride and haughtiness about sexual things. I was "above" that kind of behavior and could control my base needs. I also was sexually frustrated and was unable to release myself through masturbation (which I believed was wrong). I was and still am in a sexually nonexistent marriage and at one time had asked my husband to rent a porn movie that we could watch together. I thought that would help us loosen up, but he was too ashamed to go into the video store and rent one. Since then, I have bought many French films and educational porn films and erotic movies and have watched them by myself and they are helping me become real. I am grateful there are people willing to make these kinds of films; they help so many people learn and enjoy and celebrate the gift of sexuality.

Sincerely,
Jacine Harpyer (silent "Y")

I read the newsletter and found everything to be in order in regards to accuracy. I would have written those articles the same as you. Your opinions are very similar to mine. As I have said before, this is a good newsletter. I have even suggested to some of my patients that they should check you web site out. Bill