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Sex
Joke of the Week-
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A
businessman was getting ready to go on a extended
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious
sort with an extremely healthy sex drive, so
he thought he'd better buy her a little something
to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He
went to a store that sold sex toys and started
looking around for something special to please
his wife, and started talking to the old man
behind the counter. He explained his situation.
The
old man said, "Well, We have vibrating dildos,
special attachments, and so on, but I don't
know of anything that will keep her occupied
for weeks, except," and he stopped.
"Except
what?" the man asked.
"Nothing,
nothing."
"C'mon,
tell me! I need something!"
"Well,
sir, I don't usually mention this, but there
is The Voodoo Penis."
"So
what's up with this Voodoo Penis?" he asked.
The
old man reached under the counter, and pulled
out a very old wooden box, carved with strange
symbols and erotic images. He opened it, and
there lay an ordinary-looking dildo.
The
businessman laughed, and said, "Big deal! It
looks like every other dildo in this shop!"
The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what
it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said,
"Voodoo Penis, the door."
The
Voodoo Penis miraculously rose out of its box,
darted over to the door, and started pounding
the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
the vibrations, so much so that a crack began
to form down the middle. Before the door split,
the old man said "Voodoo Penis, return to box!"
The
Voodoo Penis stopped, levitated back to the
box and lay there quiet once more. "I'll take
it!" said the businessman. The guy took it home
to his wife, told her it was a special dildo
and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo Penis, my crotch."
After
he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably
horny and remembered the Voodoo Penis. She undressed,
opened the box and said "Voodoo Penis, my crotch!"
The Voodoo Penis shot to her crotch and started
pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like
nothing she'd ever experienced before. After
three mind shattering orgasms, she became exhausted
and decided she'd had enough.
She
tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her,
still thrusting. She tried and tried to get
it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had
forgotten to tell her how to shut it off. Worried,
she decided to go to the hospital to see if
they could help. She put her clothes on, got
in the car and started to drive, quivering with
every thrust of the dildo.
On
the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made
her swerve all over the road. A police officer
saw this and immediately pulled her over. He
asked for her license, and then asked how much
she'd had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she
explained, "I haven't had anything to drink,
officer. You see, I've got this Voodoo Penis
thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing
me!" The officer looked at her for a second,
shook his head and in an arrogant voice replied,
"Yeah, right... Voodoo Penis, my ass."
The
rest is history...
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Many
Adult Stores May Have To Stop Selling And Displaying
Some of Their Better Sex Videos, Books,
Adult Films, Pictures
& Adult Products June 2005?
The
Government Is Controlling What You Watch & Purchase-
The revised Title
18 U.S.C. § 2257 Law
The
U.S. Department of Justice (DOJ) has been threatening to
make it almost impossible to sell better sex and adult videos
or pictures for some time now, but they finally have implemented
a law which takes effect June 23rd, 2005 to attempt to do
just that. This article will explain to you the consumer,
what that means to you.
There
is a law that was created in 1988 to protect minors from
appearing in adult films, etc... a good law if you ask me
as I am very much against minors being involved in anything
of the like. The law was in a document called Title 18 U.S.C.
§ 2257, which is a Federal Record-keeping and Labeling law
that required anyone who photographed or filmed a person
in the US to have them complete a form that acknowledged
that they were 18 years of age or older. They had to provide
a picture I.D. issued by the state. and provide any aliases
they may have. They needed to provide their legal name,
home address and have a witness sign the document. This
was a good law that helped to reduce the chance that a minor
was being filmed or photographed sexually.
The
New Law
What
the Department of Justice has now done to change this law
using the "excuse" of protecting minors (when
in reality it is clear they are trying to impair the adult
industry) is an outrage and WILL affect you if you have
any liking of sexuality and sexual products, videos, pictures,
etc.
The
DOJ is now demanding that not only will a producer have
the Title 18 U.S.C. § 2257 information for each model that
has been photographed or filmed but that anyone who sells
or displays the photographs or video has to have that document
on file which includes the distributors, retailers and anyone
who shows pictures of that model on their web site.
What
Types Of Pictures Or Video Is This Talking About?
This
pertains to any visual depiction of an actual human being
engaged in actual sexually explicit conduct in a book, picture,
video, streaming video, thumbnail... you name it.
What
do they mean when the say "sexually explicit?"
This means (sexual intercourse, including genital-genital,
oral-genital, anal-genital, or oral-anal, whether between
persons of the same or opposite sex; bestiality; masturbation;
sadistic or masochistic abuse; or lascivious exhibition
of the genitals or pubic area of any person).
The
DOJ calls these businesses and individuals who sell or promote
such material "Secondary Producers" even though
they did not produce anything and are only displaying and/or
selling what the "Primary Producer" made!
Under
the revised Title 18 U.S.C. § 2257 law, the so-called “secondary
producers,” such as many webmasters, will be required to
have Title 18 U.S.C. § 2257 records for all sexually explicit
depiction dating back to 1995. For many, this will create
a huge problem, because secondary producers will have to
locate records from primary producers who may have moved,
shut down, or otherwise disappeared.
This
means that the adult community has exactly one month to
secure these files and make sure everything in them complies
with the new regulations, because the arrests could hit
anytime after June 24, and the general consensus is that
it'll hit webmasters first and hardest.
What
Are The Penalties For Not Complying?
In
the immediate future, you're going to be seeing inspections
and arrests, not because of 'illegal' content, but because
webmasters and stores don't have the records because they
always thought that it was and should be the producer's
job to make sure that the models are over 18 years of age.
Violation of 18 U.S.C. 2257 is good for up to 10 years in
federal prison... per violation!
Example
Below
is a very small scale of what this will look like. Imagine
that it is for one video with six models in it. All six
of the model's personal information, home address, real
name, and picture of their ID has to be on file with every
single store or individual who sells that video. Now, imagine
that each website who carries and displays (perhaps even
streams the videos) of hundreds of videos has the burden
to have all of those files for each model in every video
they carry!
This
isn't just for retailers either... this is for anyone displaying
such pictures on their web site, etc.! So what happens if
you don't comply? Well, you can go to jail! Yep, that is
right... even if a producer has proof that the models were
over 18 years of age and no minors were involved... if you
do not have the paperwork and you display the photographs
or video or sell them... you are now breaking the law.
What
harm has been committed here is beyond me. Why we now have
to go to the trouble of proving that all the videos that
we carry are of models of 18 years of age or older by having
those model's Title 18 U.S.C. § 2257 forms on file is truly
a conservative agenda to make the adult industry fight to
stay alive.
The
Real Motivation Is Not Protecting Kids
This
is clearly not about protecting minors. If the Department
of Justice really wanted to protect minors they would simply
have producers of pictures and video, etc. provide documentation
directly to them in a federal database proving the models
in film or photographs are adults. Simple enough right?
It would work well this way, because everything would have
to be registered with them and if it wasn't then they could
easily check. However, the REAL MOTIVATION is to shut down
adult retailers and you can bet they have a list of companies
they are going to start with... and you can also bet that
getting access to any kind of sexual content will be increasingly
difficult as the the DOJ continues to take away the freedoms
of Americans.
This
is an attack, we are back to the dark ages of witch hunts
and instead of burning innocent people at the stake they
are putting them in jail and ripping apart their businesses
and families.
Why
is sexuality so terrifying in this day and age? Why is masturbation
and nudity seen as something that is listed right beside
beastiliaty and child molestation? Have people absolutely
lost their minds? They are so different than one another.
It is like comparing someone who has a normal sleep pattern
to someone who has narcolepsy. One is normal, one is an
illness!
Over fifty percent of the web sites out there will most
likely be devastated because they're carrying content, either
thumbnails or streaming or fixed photos that they have no
records for and they will be at risk to get 10 years in
the slammer for it.
Breach
Of Confidentiality
This
does not even mention the incredible breach of confidentiality
that is going on here. The models have to provide their
home address, real names and photos of their ID cards to
all of these retailers, which in turn basically makes it
public information!?! That is absurd. Do you know how many
psychos want to track down models in the adult industry
and now we are having to pass around their real names and
home address!?!
Making
It Very Hard To Sell Videos Or Show Pictures
This
new law is requiring stores like ours to have to track down
producers and ask them for the paperwork on all of their
models in order to display and sell their video. Until we
have that paperwork on file, we cannot show the images online
or sell them without breaking the law. It is evident that
the US is becoming less and less of a free democracy making
it more and more difficult for adults to enjoy and be educated
on the basic human right of sexuality.
This
Is Not Just For Retailers
The
law does not state that you have to be selling the products
to have to comply with the law. So that means that even
if you just have such pictures on a web site or are giving
it away items with such images away for free... you have
to have the 2257 model releases.
The
DOJ can even come after individual personal web sites and
make sure that you have the proper paperwork and release
forms for you and your girlfriend's nude pictures on the
web! If not... you could get 10 years in the slammer under
this new law!
The
Free Speech Coalition Are Fighting This!
Now
that the regulations have been published, FSC (Free Speech
Coalition) will go into federal district court to seek an
injunction on behalf of its members. FSC plans two lawsuits,
led by premiere First Amendment attorneys, one to be filed
on the West Coast by H. Louis Sirkin, and the other by Paul
Cambria on the East Coast.
The
DOJ has amended some requirements from its original proposal,
but in many areas the final version is unbending, making
compliance extremely difficult, if not impossible.
Will
They Win?
