The
Holistic Wisdom Journal
July
16, 2004
Articles In This Issue...
~
Getting
Your Lover In The Mood
Aroused
& Eager For Sex
~
Cyber
Stalking: Protecting Yourself
Harassment
& Threats Via The Web
~
Movie
Reviews
Get
Our Inside Scoop
~
The
Holistic Wisdom Reader's Forum
Comments
From Our Readers
~ The
Sexual Wisdom™ Section
Sex
In The News
|
Guys
Gone Wild?
The
Sky Is Not Blue & Condoms Don't Work?
Sex
Helps Students Perform Better In School
Public
Hot Tubs A Health Danger?
Couple
Had Sex On Stage At Rock Festival
Same-Sex
Marriage Ban Fails In Senate
Universal
Studios To Distribute Deep Throat Documentary In early
2005
France
accuses U.S. of HIV Drug 'Blackmail'
|
|
Getting
Your Lover In The Mood
Aroused
And Eager For Sex
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
If your
partner has not been "in the mood" lately and you
are looking for some tips to help get them there, then these
are some ideas to help you get started-
Have
fun together
One of the
best things about sex is that it can be really fun. Try doing
things that encourage smiling and laughing before sex. A sense
of humor and the willingness to try something different can
really help set the mood. Having a pillow fight, a wrestling
or tickling match or even watching something funny together
to help lighten the mood can be a great place to start.
Avoid
Self Centered Approaches
A partner
who approaches their lover with the sense that they are entitled,
or are focused on their needs too often is not going to be getting
the kind of great sex that a more loving and giving partner
is going to get.
Letting
your lover know how much you want them through genuine flattery
is a great way to open up to the possibility of sex. "‘I find
you so attractive when I feel your body next to me, the warmth
of your body and softness of your skin makes me feel so close
to you." If you want some great examples rent the movie
Don Juan DeMarco!
Romantic
Touches
Providing
an atmosphere of appreciation for your lover is a great way
to get them in the mood. After a hard day of work there is nothing
nicer than having a sitter for the kids, a hot bubble bath with
a glass of their favorite beverage waiting. How about little
love notes throughout the house, or even a massage
in a candle lit room? It can be as simple as that old standby,
the candlelit dinner
at home. No one else around, the answering machine on, the TV
off, a tasty meal, some wine, soft
music in the background, and most of all, a couple really
focused on each other. Using creativity and playfulness is one
of the best ways to get someone into a place that is relaxed,
feeling appreciated and ready to share a wonderful sexual experience.
Don't
Forget Their WHOLE Body Needs Love
Often there
is a sense of sex equaling genital contact right away. Start
with the simple idea that pleasure is the goal. Playing with
their hair by simply twisting and softly pulling back on it,
to massaging their feet are great examples to provide your lover
with the introduction to the physical pleasure you wish to share
with them.
They
Are NOT An Object, They ARE A Person
Terminology
today really makes a statement to the continuation of objectifying
people when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, while this used
to mainly be directed more toward women, it is now being directed
toward men quite often as well.
Gettin'
some-
Some of what what? Some pussy? Some cock? Well, is that not
separating who that vagina or penis belongs to? How about getting
to share a sexual experience with your beautiful woman or man?
Gettin'
Busy With It-
I think that many women and men will agree with me when I say
that we do not like to be referred as an "it" under
any circumstance.
A Piece
of Ass-
I don't know about you, but I am more than my ass or any other
body part! Again, why is it that we separate our body parts
when it comes to sex? Are we so afraid of the physical, emotional,
mental and spiritual vulnerability that it provides?
Whether
you are referring to a man or a woman, take note about how you
describe your sexual experiences. If you catch yourself separating
the intimacy you share with your partner(s) then perhaps you
are showing your partner(s) that they are not respected by you.
This will ultimately lead to emotional complications in any
long term relationship as well as to your overall sense of self
esteem and end up potentially costing you sex among other things.
Whether
you are into one night stands, or have a long term relationship,
understanding that when you are sharing time with another person
you are sharing more than your physical self. As much as some
would like to think that we can compartmentalize ourselves and
that sex means nothing they are truly fooling themselves.
Sex never
means nothing. It may not mean that you want to spend the rest
of your life with this person, or that you are even in love
with this person when you do it, but it does mean that you are
attracted to them, that you value them enough to spend time
with them and that you feel the sexual experience with them
is worth having. It does mean that you are willing to risk pregnancy,
STDs and other sexual realities. It also means that you are
intimate with them on more than just a physical level you are
sharing part of your emotional self as well... even if it is
the guarded side of yourself.
Who we are
physically is intertwined with all of who we are mentally, emotionally
and spiritually. We are not just physical beings, we are not
just emotional, etc. we are complex beings and even through
we may not choose to have in-depth conversations with someone
does not mean we are not sharing who we are.
Sometimes
just a look, or touch from someone can mean so much to us, so
why do we try and pretend that we can somehow make it meaningless
when we do not want to be vulnerable. Whether we like it or
not everything we do affects who we are. Our behavior creates
the person that we choose to be. When we say that sex is meaningless
then I truly believe that deep down it is because we are truly
afraid of what our behavior says about us, and what that experience
could really mean to us.
Treating
people with respect, appreciation and integrity should not only
be essential for sex, but in any situation.
Make
Dates
With so
much going on in our hectic schedules it is easy to let weeks
pass without having any quality time together. Arranging a special
time together is a key way to keep your partner open to you
and to sexual play.
Learn
More About Sex Techniques
If you
rush to intercourse so you can have an orgasm, you will almost
certainly be missing out on the full potential of sex and be
a turn off for your partner. Instead, take time to let them
enjoy the sensuous feeling of your touch, gradually arousing
their desire.
Don’t be
afraid to try something new in bed. Many women and men are bored
having sex the same way every time. Don't feel foolish or uncomfortable
about complimenting a your partner as it is a wonderful way
to let them know what you appreciate in them. Below are some
ways to get you started-
|
Cyber
Stalking: Protecting Yourself
Harassment
& Threats Via The Web
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO
Member
of American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors,
and Therapists
( AASECT )
|
Stalking
and Cyber-Stalking is becoming a larger problem in America.
Currently it is believed that 1.4 million victims are stalked
each year. The pattern of controlling behaviors in stalking
and Cyber-stalking are very similar to domestic violence.
General
stalking behaviors can include following a victim, threatening
or repeated phones calls, coming to the victim’s place of employment,
leaving written messages or objects, and vandalizing the victim’s
property.
Cyberstalking
can involve eMail, harassment in
live chat situations, using the victims code name
or eMail address to sign up for newsletter,
services, or leave inappropriate messages on message boards
or guest books, sending
viruses, or electronic theft identity. By using eMail the stalker
can send spam (unsolicited junk mail) and send pornographic
materials to work or family accounts. In
live chat situations the harassment
may involve "flaming", or on-line verbal abuse,
sexual harassment, and repeated attempts at
"private chats."
Electronic
identity theft is the use of the Internet to gain personal information.
There are online services that will give your social security
number, financial history, personal information, and even a
detailed map to your house. Depending on whether a cyber stalker
wants to spend money on stalking you they can also do background
checks, and have things mailed to you.
Cyber stalking
can be as terrifying as general stalking, but often harder to
prove and more difficult to control. The anonymity of the Internet
works for the stalker, but there are safety procedures to help
anyone on-line and those being cyber stalked.
~
Do
not give out personal information online.
~
Avoid
using your real name or nickname online.
~
Be
very careful about meeting on-line acquaintances in person.
~
If
you are being cyber stalked change eMail accounts.
~
Report
cyber stalking to your online provider: AOL, Earthlink, etc.
~
If
you cannot change accounts look into filter programs.
~
Within
a chat room use gender-neutral nicknames.
~
Avoid
using primary eMail addresses that are difficult to change,
and do not post
them in chatrooms.
~
Be
careful with divulging personal information under profiles.
Getting
Worse?
Warning
signs include an escalation of behavior- are they contacting
you 20 times instead of two or three a day, is there a change
in the pattern, for example the stalker sends nice notes and
now they are threatening. If you receive any threats towards
you or your family you should notify the police. Also, has there
been recent in-person contact? These are signs that the situation
is worsening and you need to notify the police, and those around
you including co-workers, friends, or family.
A safety
measure that should begin from the first signs that this may
be stalking is a diary of events including any in-person contact,
letters, phone calls, escalation of behaviors, contact with
family, and if possible printed eMails and answering machine
messages. Change your locks if the stalker is an ex-partner,
change your phone number and only give it to those who really
need it.
What
can you do if things are getting much worse and they have initiated
more than Internet contact-
~
Document
everything, even if you have decided not to go the legal route,
you may
change your mind.
~
Keep
eMails, answering machine tapes, letters, gifts, etc.
~
Keep
a log of suspicious occurrences.
~
Take
a self-defense class. A lot of security experts don’t advise
this, fearing that it
gives victims a false sense of security,
but we do. The best self-defense classes
teach you how to become more aware of your
surroundings and avoid confrontations,
things that stalking victims would do well
to learn.
~
Have
co-workers screen all calls and visitors.
~
Don’t
accept packages unless they were personally ordered.
~
Remove
any name or identification from reserved parking at work.
~
Destroy
discarded mail.
~
Equip
your gas tank with a locking gas cap that can be unlocked only
from inside
the car.
~
Get
a cell phone and keep it with you at all times, even inside
your home, in case
the stalker cuts your phone lines.
~
If
you think you are being followed while in your car, make four
left- or right-hand turns
in succession. If the car continues to follow
you, drive to the nearest police station,
never home or to a friend’s house.
~
Never
be afraid to sound your car horn to attract attention.
~
Acquaint
yourself with all-night stores and other public, highly populated
places in
your area.
~
Consider
moving if your case warrants it. No, it’s not fair, but nothing
is fair about
stalking. If you stay and fight through the
legal system, you might get some justice,
(although not necessarily your definition
of it), but you almost certainly won’t get
safety: There is no possibility of life imprisonment
for stalkers.
~
Research
how to keep your destination secret. Stalking and victims’ organizations
can help.
~
Don’t
be embarrassed and think you caused this somehow. Stalkers need
no
encouragement. Your shame is your stalker’s
best weapon. It makes you more likely
to engage them or agree to plea bargains,
which are bound to be taken as
encouragement.
~
Instead,
tell everyone you know that you’re being stalked, from neighbors
to
co-workers, so that when the stalker approaches
them for information about you,
they will be alerted not to divulge anything
and will let you know he’s been around.
One young
widow moved to escape her stalker, a stranger she had never
really met. Yet, after finding out where she moved, he was also
able to pinpoint her exact location by showing her helpful neighbors
pictures he had surreptitiously taken of her and her children,
telling them that he was her estranged husband and she had kidnapped
the kids. This is a perfect example of why telling people you
know about your situation can help.
Join one
of the stalking victims’ support groups that are springing up
all over the country. They can be invaluable resources for information
in your community (such as how local law enforcement handle
these cases) as well as provide essential support.
Click
on the link below for more help online and more safety measures
there are several web sites devoted to stalking
and cyber stalking.
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Movie
Reviews
Holistic
Wisdom's Inside Scoop
|
Buy
On Amazon.com |
Our
Rating
Out Of Four Stars-
Category-
Passionate Melodrama
|
Shadowlands
Based
On A True Story-
A
touching story based on the life of C.S. Lewis played
by Sir Anthony Hopkins and Debra Winger as Joy, his love
interest. Shadowlands is set in the early '50s when Lewis
was a middle-aged bachelor and finds that being a philosopher
does not make you an expert at the experiences of life.
This is a tear jerker and I challenge anyone to see it
without a box of tissues as it will certainly touch you!
|
Buy
On Amazon.com |
Our
Rating
Out Of Four Stars-
Category-
Passionate Melodrama
|
Legends of the Fall
In
1994, this drama starring Brad Pitt as Tristan--the rebellious
middle son of a fiercely independent Montana rancher and
military veteran (Anthony Hopkins)--who is routinely at
odds with his more responsible older brother, Alfred (Aidan
Quinn), and younger brother, Samuel (Henry Thomas).
From
the battlefields of World War I to his adventures as an
oceangoing sailor, Tristan's life is full of personal
torment, especially when he returns to Montana and finds
himself competing with Alfred over Samuel's beautiful
widow (Julia Ormond), whose passion for Tristan disrupts
the already turbulent Ludlow clan.
Under
the wide-open canopy of Big Sky country, this operatic
tale unfolds with all the bloodlust, tragedy, and scenery-chewing
performances you'd expect to find in a best-selling novel
(in fact, it's based on the acclaimed novella by Jim Harrison),
but it's a potent mix that's highly entertaining. Not
surprisingly, John Toll won an Academy Award for his breathtaking
outdoor cinematography.
|
Buy
On Amazon.com |
Our
Rating
Out Of Four Stars-
Category-
Drama
|
And the Band Played On
One
of our readers wanted us to mention this movie as they
felt it was a great one and we agree.
This
superior, made-for-cable film in 1993, this Home Box Office
adaptation of Randy Shilts' chronicle detailing the emergence
of AIDS in America and the fight against bureaucracy and
society for a cure is a taut, outrageous, and affecting
true-life drama.
Matthew
Modine (Birdy, Married to the Mob) is featured as a doctor
with the Centers for Disease Control at the time when
the first reports of a disease plaguing the gay community
were heard. Modine and his colleagues embark on an investigation
that resembles a compelling detective story as they try
to track the source of the disease and discover a cure.
Their efforts are thwarted by an ambivalent government
and a turf war between French physicians and a celebrated
American researcher (Alan Alda) who seems to place his
own glory above the dead and the dying. Featuring heartfelt
performances from a stellar cast including Richard Gere,
Glenne Headly, Anjelica Huston, Steve Martin, Ian McKellen,
Saul Rubinek, and Lily Tomlin, this impassioned film stands
as an impressive and important document of one of the
darkest eras in modern human history, and a tribute to
the spirit of those who sought to save lives.
--Robert Lane
|
Buy
On Amazon.com |
Our
Rating
Out Of Four Stars-
Category-
Action Adventure
|
The
Last Samurai
After
seeing this you will be surprised that Tom Cruise was
not nominated for an Academy Award for his performance
in this movie.
While
Japan undergoes tumultuous transition to a more Westernized
society in 1876-77, The Last Samurai gives epic sweep
to an intimate story of cultures at a crossroads. The
Last Samurai is an elegant mainstream adventure, impressive
in all aspects of its production. It is a moving story
with spiritual enlightenment, the power of forgiveness
and the true meaning of honor all within it's presentation.
|
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Help
Support Sexual Health Educators
Donate
To Our Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Support Fund
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
After
learning of the Joanne
Web case we decided to start a charity department that will
provide adult businesses and individuals like Joanne that need
funds to pay for all of the legal costs that come with such
ridiculous and unconstitutional legal battles.
ALL
proceeds will go to legal assistance to aid individuals that
need it and who are involved in the adult businesses that meet
our standards.
|
The Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Charity Donation
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Holistic
Wisdom
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Readers
Forum
|
This
section allows our readers to provide feedback regarding
articles and topics on our web site. All correspondence
from our readers is with their permission. Opinions
expressed through our forum are not necessarily our
own, but we believe in the freedom of speech and allow
for those who wish to be heard an opportunity to express
themselves.
To submit your opinions
such as the one's shown below
eMail
us for consideration
of publishing it in our next newsletter.
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General
Comments~
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|
Regarding Delayed
Ejaculation
Dear
Lisa,
I
need to ask you something that I think you could help
me out with. After a 3 year period of not having a girlfriend,
I have one now. Normally, when we have sex she will have
four or five orgasms and I will still be working on my
first. For some reason it takes me about 30 to 35 minutes
for me to have my first orgasm. Is there something wrong
with me? This is really frustrating for both of us, any
help you can give me would be greatly appreciated by both
of us.
Thanks.
T
Lisa's
Reply-
Hi
T,
Most
men ejaculate within 2 to 4 minutes after onset of active
thrusting in intercourse. Men with delayed ejaculation
may be entirely unable to ejaculate in some circumstances
(for example, during intercourse), or may only be able
to ejaculate with great effort and after prolonged intercourse
(for example 30 to 45 minutes). The
most common causes are psychological.
Common
psychological causes include:
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