Holistic Wisdom
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The Holistic Wisdom Journal  

September 24, 2004
Articles In This Issue...

~ Tight Foreskin
   
When It Is Normal & When It Is Not

~ Vaginal Dryness
   
Why It Happens, What To Do

~ White Spots On The Penis
   Is This Normal?

~ New Products
   
Check Out Our Latest Additions

~ Ask Lisa     New!
   
Q&A From Our Readers To Our Founder


~ The Holistic Wisdom Reader's Forum
   
Comments From Our Readers


~
The Sexual Wisdom™ Section    
   
Sex In The News

Does Television Increase Teen Sexual Behavior?

Four Women Try and Force Man to Wed

Students Punished for Dorm Stripper Pole

Porn Free Deadline In China

Woman Gives Birth After Tissue Transplant

Implant Makers to Reimburse U.S. $11.3M

Meet The Fockers~ Meet The Parents Sequel Shows Liberator Shapes!

 

Quote of the Week-

Love cures people, both the ones who give it
and the ones who receive it.

Dr. Karl Menninger

 

Sex Joke of the Week-

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?". The Sergeant replied "Well sir it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, uh, we have the camel." The captain said "Well if it's good for moral, then I guess it's all right with me."

After he had been at the fort for about 6 months the captain could not stand it any more so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The "Sarge" shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the captains quarters. The captain got a foot stool & proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool, and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

 

 

 

 

Tight Foreskin
When It Is Normal & When It Is Not

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

 

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO

Member of American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists
( AASECT )

 

Many men have questions about their penis and in this article we will be focusing on the issue of tight foreskin. Often it is easy to worry if you are not informed about what is normal and abnormal, what needs medical attention, and what does not. Certainly, we encourage men to talk to your doctor about their concerns as it is the best way to evaluate any issue on an individual basis.

Phimosis-
Your Foreskin Won't Go Back Over Your Penis

Sometimes the foreskin forms what is called medically called "phimosis" - which means there's a tight opening at the end of the foreskin which isn't big enough to allow the foreskin to slide smoothly back over the glans and expose the penis head.

See the picture below-

 


The gliding movement of the foreskin over the glans is important for several reasons. 
First, the movement of the foreskin back and forth is the natural movement that uncircumcised men use when masturbating their erect penis. It can be uncomfortable to have an erection with a tight foreskin completely covering the head of the penis, especially if the foreskin isn't naturally very long.

Second, when the erect penis slides in and out of the vagina as the man thrusts during intercourse, the penis slides up and down inside the sleeve of skin formed by the foreskin. Again, it can be uncomfortable to have a tight stretched foreskin that won't go back over the glans as all of the sensations from the coronal ridge at the bottom of the glans, not to mention the sensations from the Frenulum, are dulled by the protective layer of foreskin which continues to cover them, even during sex.

Third, smegma, that naturally accumulating layer of white stuff under the foreskin, which is made up of dead skin and skin oils, cannot be cleaned away when the foreskin won't retract, and it can begin to smell. 

 

What Does Tight Mean?

In uncircumcised boys and men, it's natural for the foreskin to swell up (balloon) when you're urinating. This does not necessarily mean the foreskin is tight. The best test of a tight foreskin is whether it will go back when your penis is erect.

A tight foreskin is not uncommon, and many men live with it all their lives. But many boys and men are distressed when their foreskin won't go back, and want to know what to do about it.

 

Normal In Young Males

The first thing to remember is that in small boys, the foreskin will not retract much and this is natural. It shouldn't be forced back, because it's attached by adhesions to the glans surface. Left alone, it will separate naturally in time. If it's pulled back too soon, both the glans and foreskin may be scarred, and this can result in an over-sensitive glans in later life.

Foreskins don't usually retract fully until a boy is approaching puberty or sometimes during puberty. But if by about 15 years of age or so, a foreskin won't go back, it may be a phimosis. 

 

What Causes Phimosis?

There are two main causes of phimosis - the first is that it's just an accident of nature. Up to ten percent of teenage boys have a tight foreskin. The other cause is long term fungal infection (like Athlete's Foot) at the end of the foreskin, which results in the tissue scarring and forming a tight band of scar tissue at the very tip of the foreskin. The remedy for this fungal condition is most often circumcision.

But for some tight foreskins, stretching it gently every day so as to widen the foreskin and allow it to move freely. Here's how you do it.

It's wise not to force it to find out, though, because if it's very tight, and it does go back behind the coronal rim, it may get stuck and refuse to come forward again while the penis is erect. This is known as Paraphimosis, and it's potentially dangerous, as it cuts off the blood supply to the glans. The best advice is to go to hospital if you cannot move it using the following technique-

If the retracted foreskin becomes swollen with fluid (oedematous), its appearance can be very alarming. This may happen if you fall asleep with your foreskin retracted, for example.

If you have a retracted foreskin and pain inability to urinate a tight band around the back of the glans, and/or a firm or hard glans (with no erection) it is very important to bring the foreskin forward to its normal position. If this is not done, the tissues may die from lack of fresh (oxygenated) blood and the glans may even fall off! The dead (necrotic) tissue is black.

How To Bring Foreskin Back

You can probably bring your foreskin back yourself. The procedure is very like getting a tight ring off your finger. The essence of getting the glans back through the foreskin is not stretching the foreskin, but compressing the glans. Gently squeezing it and pushing it with your thumbs will press the blood back down the penis and make it smaller. It can then be pushed back through the narrowest part of your foreskin. A drop or two of something slippery like cooking oil or sexual lubricant on the glans may help.

The person reducing the Paraphimosis by this method needs to know that the process will hurt, but only momentarily. One good way to reduce the swelling is by covering the penis in ordinary (granulated) sugar. This draws the fluid out of the penis by osmosis.

Note: If there is difficulty in retraction, do not use any force, there is a danger of Paraphimosis.

How Do I Know If I Have Paraphimosis?

It is when the phimotic ring gets trapped behind the glans causing the glans to swell up) can be dangerous and is a medical emergency. Paraphimosis is a potential crisis - when it occurs it needs to be reduced immediately. My understanding is that the nerves and other structures in the glans begin to suffer permanent damage within about 20 minutes. If left untreated in severe cases the glans itself may be lost.

If this fails, it is important to see a doctor. S/he can draw off the fluid with a hypodermic needle or, as a last resort, cut through the tight band. Recently, another method has been recommended, the "Dundee technique". This involves pricking the swollen prepuce about 20 times (under anesthetic) and letting the fluid escape. The doctor may then recommend circumcision or try to order it, but if the doctor has put a slit in your foreskin, that is probably enough and it won't happen again.

Other approaches to dealing with a tight foreskin

Stretching is but one alternative to circumcision, though many boys and men with this problem simply opt for the chop. An alternative modern procedure involves the use of steroid creams, which may loosen the skin and allow it to move more freely. Another alternative is the dorsal slit technique, whereby a small cut is made in the foreskin to allow it to slide over the glans.

If stretching works you will only achieve a temporary improvement. One must keep stretching a phimotic ring after a few days it will simply start closing up again. On the other hand, this daily stretching will become easier and may turn into an enjoyable pastime. If circumcision is something you wish to consider you can read more about it through our Adult Circumcision Article.

 

 

 

 

Advanced Fellatio Instruction

 

Read and see much more through The Art of Fellatio Manual available online or in a soft cover binder with
8 minutes of video available as a download or on CDROM.

See what is covered in the
manual and video below-

 

Positions
Techniques
Instruction
Media
Basic & Best
68 1/2
69
Face Fucking
On Your Knees
On The Side

Visual Importance
Stage Fright
The Exhibitionist

Deep Throat
Gagging Remedy

Using Teeth
Kisses & Tongue
Do The Twist
Shirley Temple Licks
Head, Shaft & Scrotum
Grabbing His Behind
Making Him Tight
Hand Job Combo
Vacuum
Double Penetration
Teeth Guards
Thigh Highs
Hummers
The Harmonica
The Drum
Hot & Cold
Women's Lubricant
Hands On Your Head
Adore The Cock


Penis Anatomy
Messes
Orgasms
Perineum Love
Anal Love
Nipple Love
Mouth Love
Fatigue Warning
Health Concerns
STD Prevention
Hygiene
Tips For Receiver
Clean Up
Post Etiquette
Toys & Products
Fellatio In Water

FREE Pictures-
A variety of close ups from Lisa Lawless' home library.


FREE Video-
Approximately 8 minutes of various personal video clips from Lisa Lawless' home library.

The video clips are for entertainment and do not contain instruction. They are available as a download or on CDROM. Real Player or Windows Media Player is required to view it.

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Vaginal Dryness
Why It Happens, What To Do

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

Many women also experience changes in their vagina. With arousal, the vagina may tilt upwards and become longer. It may also become wet with a "sweating" of the vaginal walls. This is not female ejaculation which comes from the Skenes Glans is similar to prostate fluid in a male. This lubrication of a woman's genitals is caused by the release of a special fluid from the "vaginal epithelium" (the walls of the vagina). This fluid is not like the sweat of your skin, but is what scientists call a "modified plasma transudate."

In general, the release of this fluid serves by making vaginal and vulva play more comfortable during sexual play. It also aids in the movement of sperm up the vaginal canal, increasing the likelihood of impregnation.

Many people take this "sweating" of the vagina as a reliable sign that a woman is sexually excited, or even that she is "ready" for vaginal play or intercourse. Beware of such assumptions! Women sometimes lubricate vaginally when they are not sexually aroused, and women often feel erotically aroused without becoming vaginally wet.

Excess lubrication, even though some women feel almost embarrassed by it, can easily be solved by use of an absorbent external panty-liner. Dryness is another common problem, and is easily addressed.

Some women simply do not lubricate so plentifully, or at least not plentifully enough to keep pace with their sexual wishes. While some women become dry when anxious or under stress. Many women become drier with the frequent use of tampons, other internal sanitary devices, or douches. And most women will become drier with the use of prescription medications that have anticholinergic or sympathomimetic effects which dry out the "mucosal" or wet tissues of the mouth and vagina. These include many common drugs for allergic, cardiovascular, psychiatric, and other medical conditions. You can always ask your physician before getting a prescription or pharmacist after getting one as the what effects, if any, will this medicine have on your sex life.

All women become drier as they approach and proceed through menopause. This is because menopause causes a thinning of the vaginal walls (from about nine epithelial layers to about three), with a consequent loss of their elasticity and their capacity to produce fluid.

The solution to all these difficulties is to use artificial lubricants for sexual play. Many brands are available in the "Feminine Hygiene" or "Family Planning" sections of your local drug stores including our own selection of lubricants. Be careful of using K-Y Plus types of lubricants that contain Nonoxynol and might irritate your vagina. Astroglide is a favorite. This is an all water-soluble lubricant with glycerin giving it slippery properties. Such lubricants are usually odorless, tasteless, and sterile. They may also be hypoallergenic.

When finding a "lube" that suits your erotic life, there are three rules:

One
Always use a water-soluble lube. Never put a petroleum-based lubricant, such as Vaseline, into your vagina. Petroleum-based jellies are likely to increase your vulnerability to infections, and they will corrode the latex used for condoms and other safer sex practices.

Two
Beware of confusions between moisturizers, anti-irritants, and drying powders. Vagisil, for example, markets all three under the same brand name. Anti-irritant creams (usually containing 5% to 20% benzocaine) numb the skin and are sometimes useful externally on the vulval tissue, but should never be applied inside the vagina. "Feminine powders" and talcs are sometimes used to absorb unwanted wetness of the vulval area, and should also never be applied inside the vagina. Moisturizers are lubes applied either directly inside the vagina, or delivered by a vaginal suppository (such as Lubrin and other brands).

Three
Remember that, unless the label of your lube states otherwise, it is not a spermicidal (contraceptive), anti-viral, anti-bacterial or estrogen-supplementing agent. If you want an estrogen supplement or cream, you should consult a clinical sexologist or a knowledgeable physician. If you want your lubricant to do double duty and provide protection against sexually transmitted infections, buy one that contains Nonoxynol. However, Nonoxynol can be irritating to the delicate tissue of the vagina, increasing the receptivity of the vaginal walls to infection; so if a Nonoxynol lube is going to come into direct contact with the vagina, a counter-irritant such as Avena Sativa should be used as well.

In addition to using artificial lubricants, keeping healthy the musculature of your pelvic floor will increase the blood supply to your vaginal canal and will help with dryness as well as giving you an increased sense of comfortable control over your genitals. Start doing "Kegel" exercises. Find the relevant group of muscles by stopping and starting the flow of your urine (while seated on the toilet). Then, with an empty bladder, squeeze these muscles tight and hold them for a count of three. Repeat this until they feel tired (initially you may only be able to squeeze these muscles a couple of times before they feel tired, later you should be able to gradually work up to twenty repetitions). Do "kegels" twice a day, every day if possible. Within a few weeks you will feel that they have improved your sexual life.

Sooner or later every sexually active woman who enjoys vaginal or vulval play will have a problem with dryness. Combat dryness by becoming accustomed to using your lube regularly and plentifully. Start young, before menopause is an issue. And don't be embarrassed with your partners because, when used properly, lubes will enhance sexual pleasure for you and for them. Lubricants make for a more relaxed erotic life whether your favorite form of vaginal play is with a finger, a sex toy, or a penis.


 

 

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My Penis Has White Spots!
Is This Normal?

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
Holistic Wisdom Founder

If you have them, you aren't alone in having them. Men and boys worry about these spots as they typically think they may have a sexually transmitted disease, cancer, they haven't washed enough, masturbated too much, and so on and on and on...and all because of these common, normal white spots on the skin of their penis and testicles. So let's take a moment to clear up what they are and just why you should not worry if you have them.

 

These are called Fordyce spots and they are completely natural blemishes on the skin of the genitals in both men and women. They can appear all over the penis and testicles, including the glans and coronal rim. They may or may not have hair growing out of them, they may be tiny or a millimeter or two across, and you may have hundreds of them or just a few. They may appear quite quickly around puberty or in the early twenties.

So What Are They?

They are just a modified form of sweat gland unique to the genitals. You cannot usually squeeze them but f you can then it will empty like a blackhead on your face. They don't go on spreading indefinitely, but once you've got them, you've got them for life. Most every guy has them, and many women too. They are quite natural and harmless, and will not offend a sexual partner.

 




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Help Support Sexual Health Educators
Donate To Our Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Support Fund

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.

After learning of the Joanne Web case we decided to start a charity department that will provide adult businesses and individuals like Joanne that need funds to pay for all of the legal costs that come with such ridiculous and unconstitutional legal battles.

ALL proceeds will go to legal assistance to aid individuals that need it and who are involved in the adult businesses that meet our standards.


The Holistic Wisdom Legal Aid Charity Donation

Dollar Amount:
 Note-


 

 

 

 

Ask
Lisa

With hundreds of eMails coming in every day and while I answer man, it is not possible for me to reply to all of them. However, I wanted to provide a section where we take some of our readers questions and post them on our web site so that we can provide answers so that everyone can benefit from having the information available on our web site.

To submit your question such as those shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

 

Hi Lisa,

Your site is huge! I was wondering what would be your favortie glass sex toy out of all of them and why.

Jackie

 

Hi Jackie,

That is a hard question because I really enjoy a variety of sex toys for different reasons. However, my favorite glass toy is the Love Handle because it is really easy for me to use for masturbation. It is also great when my hubby is in a position where he can not use it on me and I want to use it on myself as well as when he can use it on me as it allows for interesting positions and such ease of use.

It is ribbed, and has a pronounced head for excellent g-spot stimulation and the handle allows me to grind my clitoris against it for added sensation when it is fully inside. It is also an average sized shaft and I prefer this over a wide shaft like the Rocky Road Baton because I prefer small to medium sized dildos... I am a bit on the small size for my vaginal opening (had to have a c-section because of this) and having an average width for a shaft in a toy is a nice. So there ya go... that is my preference.. now the question is what is yours as that is what will most satisfy you!

 

 

Hi Lisa,

I wanted to know if it is normal to fantasize about movie stars while you are married and if it is considered a form of cheating.

Sarah

 

Hi Sarah,

No, I don't see fantasizing as a form of cheating. Creating a fantasy is normal and can be a nice way to explore variation when masturbating when you are in a monogamous relationship.

The issue here is more about what is comfortable for you and your partner Many people have different levels of jealousy so what is comfortable in one relationship may not be in another.

For example, my husband and I have agreed that we will not entertain fantasies about people that we actually know in real life because we both feel that for us it tends to make someone seem better than they really are, and there is that potential of projecting emotion into that fantasy and thus the risk of feeling like you are falling in love with that person based on your fantasies. This may seem overly conservative to other couples who have a more open relationship, but it is what my husband I are comfortable with and therefore is what feels right for us.

Meanwhile, we have fun sharing fantasies with one another about movie stars we have never met and what we would do with them if we had them in our bed as a way to arouse one another during fun, sex talk with one another. One time we talked about having Selma Hayek in bed with us for a threesome as a mutual fantasy and it was really wild!

The key here is to check in with what feels comfortable for you and your partner. Perhaps you agree that having fantasies about other people no matter who they are is fine, and maybe you agree to share them or keep them to yourselves. It is not an issue of whether it is healthy... because sexual fantasies can be a healthy part of one's sexuality. I think the real issue is whether it feels right for you and the level of importance you place on it.

Communicate with you partner about what feels right in the relationship and get it out there, you may be surprised to find that you both feel the same about it and be able to enjoy yourself without feeling guilt. If you find that you and your partner don't agree, then I suggest communicating about ways to reach a compromise so that both of you feel your needs are understood by one another and are being nurtured.

 

 

 


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Holistic Wisdom
Readers Forum

This section allows our readers to provide feedback regarding articles and topics on our web site. All correspondence from our readers is with their permission. Opinions expressed through our forum are not necessarily our own, but we believe in the freedom of speech and allow for those who wish to be heard an opportunity to express themselves.

To submit your opinions such as those shown below eMail