Porn In America-         10-17-06 While perusing the CNN web site today I stumbled across a headline news, special series that Glenn Beck is doing called Porn: America's Addiction. I couldn't help but notice the ominous caption- Hidden, Forbidden, Addictive.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. Holistic Wisdom Founder

It had a few video clips of the series, which I watched and once again, I felt that the media loves to play off sexuality in two black and white ways... evil and full of shame or takes advantage of it through superficial exploitation of it.

One quote from Beck that made me laugh was when he said of adult businesses "They're constantly looking for a way to get to you and have you buy their product."

Really Beck, is that what an adult business does? Wow, then I guess they are doing what all businesses do so they must be doing something right. I can't imagine going into business saying to yourself, "Now, if I could just find a way to repel customers so they won't buy what I am selling." I am not sure how Beck says things like that with a straight face.

Another lame point that he makes in a sarcastic manner is when he says of the adult industry "... they may be committed to keeping kids away from the sites but their real bottom line is to make big bucks." It almost seemed like he was trying to say in a 'wink, wink, nudge, nudge' kind of way that adult sites really don't care about protecting kids and just want money.

Adult Industry Garbage?

We all know that the people who slam the adult industry do so thinking that the people in it have no morals and are the scum of the earth. However, I can assure you, most adult companies take children accessing their content very seriously and do take measures to keep them away as well as protect them from getting into child porn. People forget, many of us are parents too! We understand that children are not ready for that type of sexuality and as business owners, we don't want to lose our business that we have worked so hard to build.

Also, what might surprise those on the far right to know is that if they were to speak with someone in the adult industry they would be surprised at how human they are. Yes, it is true... they are people with dreams, hopes, a heart and soul. They do care about themselves and others and they are not the garbage many try and make them out to be.

The world is what we make it, and when we support a media that exploits sexuality while shaming us for enjoying it, we have a real problem. I wrote an article ( Hypocritical Sexual Morality Of Neo Cons ) on this very topic two weeks ago and I want to bring it up once again, because it is an obstacle we must fight to overcome.

Let's take a look at the man who is making such a fuss about porn on a mainstream news source in such a negative way. Glenn Beck was a self-admitted alcoholic and drug addict and even in his own words described himself as "a despicable human being." He of course did what most people do when they have screwed up their life to the point of rock bottom and turned to religion as a way to wipe his slate clean. He is a Mormon who claims to not be on the far right, but if it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck, well, you see where I am going.

The Need For Sexual Balance

I bring this up, not to make fun of Beck, but rather use him as an example of a bigger issue in society. He is a perfect example of what happens to desperate people.

If you have a pendulum and you hold it far to the left where there are no boundaries, no definition between right and wrong and you let go what happens? The pendulum swings far to the right where there is rigidity, oppression, shame. Our society needs to find balance, because the pendulum is swinging wildly from left to right and so are our views on sexuality.

Sex is a huge part of our lives. It affects our self esteem, it affect our health, it affects our relationships. Yet we treat it with such disrespect. There is a serious lack of positive that we associate with sexuality and my hope is that we will all make an effort to change that.

We need to understand that viewing sexuality between consenting adults is perfectly all right. It is something that many of us are naturally attracted to viewing. If someone feels that porn is something they enjoy, they should not be made to feel ashamed about that. Why do we shame people for enjoying watching one of the most pleasureful apects of our lives? On the other hand, if someone is not interested in it, then great, don't watch.

Couples Who Have Problems Because Of Porn

A huge problem for those in relationships is when one partner enjoys it and the other doesn't. In Beck's series where he speaks with a former "Porn Addict," the wife said that she felt rejected and not good enough while her husband secretly watched porn.

That is a really common issue, especially for women and I would like to say that I understand what she feels like. Why? Because I have felt that way. I, like many women have felt insecure and wondered if maybe my hubby wanted a porn actress more than me. This is a natural feeling and should not be dismissed.

What I realized was that for me, it wasn't that I thought watching porn was wrong, I just needed reassurance that my husband appreciated and loved me. So we talked about it in a respectful and loving manner and agreed that for our relationship it was best that we only watch it together and avoid watching it when one of us felt insecure about it.

It worked because we both listened to one another's needs, we trust one another and we are honest with each other. The glue that keeps couples happy is communication, respect and love... it makes any issue something that can be handled.

All couples must figure out what works for them, and what that is can only be determined by them as we all have different needs. Of course if someone is addicted to anything, whether it be porn, alcohol, drugs, etc. it is important to talk frankly about it and get counseling to address what is driving the addiction, because an addiction is an inability to cope with emotional issues in a healthy way. What is important to know is that porn itself is not addictive, it is someone who is not dealing with their issues who creates an addiction out of something, not the other way around.

Porn Is Changing

Porn is slowly changing to become more positive about sexuality, but it too still has a long way to go. There are still areas where it could be improved, some of it is tasteless and some of it is corrupt.

However, for the most part mainstream porn is doing better, there is better treatment of women, better pay and more women involved in the business end beyond the cameras.

If you look at the best selling porn movies right now, you will see that they have story lines, they are shot in high definition in beautiful locations with a high budget and a classier feel. The reason these movies are doing so well is because people want this, they want the feel of beauty and relationships explored in sexuality.

It is why better sex videos and soft porn are so popular now. It also allows couples to watch them together and enjoy them rather than a man hiding in his office watching something completely superficial and wishing he could share this with his partner without negative consequences and shame.

Most people do not get addicted to porn and the ridiculous accusations by those on the far right about how horribly addictive it is applies to people who are so repressed sexually that they would easily become addicted... that's right... they are speaking about themselves.

People who have a healthy balance of sexuality in their lives do not get addicted to porn. The reason that people who are repressed become addicted is because deep down they want something more, but they can't figure what that is, so they keep watching hoping to get what they need from it.

Unfortunately, they are not dealing with the emotional aspects of what they are seeking beyond just watching people have sex and they become obsessive about it. If they would just deal with sex as the natural, beautiful part of themselves that it is, they would not develop the dysfunction they do from repressing it.

It is much like someone overeating or abusing drugs. You keep looking for the addiction to fill your emotional void in some way, and while it provides a temporary release, it does not address the core issues... and because of lack of awareness or an unwillingness to deal with those issues... people keep repeating those unhealthy cycles until it gets so bad they are forced to deal with it.

So to recap on Beck's scary caption-

Hidden-
It should be more openly talked about, and viewable by any adult who wants to see it.

Forbidden-
Currently under law, it is not, nor should it be.

Addictive-
Only to those who are not dealing with issues and are seeking something to fill the void instead of taking control of their life. For most of us, it certainly is not.

Looks like Beck needs to rethink his caption, and maybe his slanted view on sexuality in general.

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