Ask Lisa
         Relationship & Sex Advice

With hundreds of eMails coming in every day and while I answer many, it is not possible for me to reply to all of them. However, I wanted to provide a section where we take some of our readers questions and post them on our web site so that we can provide answers that everyone can benefit from having the information available on our web site. To submit your question such as those shown below eMail us for consideration of publishing it in our next newsletter.

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O. HolisticWisdom.com Founder

Women In Sex Industry

Hello,

I am a survivor of the commercial sex industry. I was a stripper for four years and a prostitute for seven. While I was stripping, I had absolutely no memories of sexual abuse. I found it empowering and I made a lot of money. When I got out of the business, I had to go into treatment for overwhelming Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and a drug problem I had developed in order to deal with my past.

I have been diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder and after thirteen years of therapy I understand how my severe childhood sexual abuse groomed me for entry into the sex industry. I had repressed all my memories of the abuse and dissociated them from my conscious mind in order to survive my childhood inferno. I acted out my abuse on a nightly basis in my work as a stripper and prostitute. I remember why I became a stripper, and it was because I was a whore in my own home.

Every woman in the industry who says she was never abused does this. This is called DENIAL, the most powerful defense mechanism available to human beings. I have statistical evidence from the Post Traumatic Stress Institute to back up my information. Bella Donna is an example of someone abused severely and violently who is reenacting this on a screen for the entire world.

Additionally, a high percentage of women in porn and those who pose as Centerfolds have been sexualized in their homes and now, in the culture at large. There is nothing healthy about porn. The actresses are molested little girls, period. You should really study the current psychiatric literature on Dissociative Identity Disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. 60% of women in strip clubs suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. Human Trafficking is a problem now because the United States has the greatest demand for sex slaves. Five billion dollars a year is now spent on child porn in this country. The legal sex industry feeds this demand by sexualizing young girls. Molested children learn to get their needs met by being sexual in the childhood home.

They then transfer this belief to the sex industry, where at least they are paid for their abuse. Healthy women with self esteem would never star in a porn film or work as a stripper or prostitute. How many little girls do you know who say "When I grow up I want to be a stripper or porn star?" None, unless they're being molested. There are now more porn outlets than McDonald's restaurants in this country. If you multiply the number of molested little girls in those films by the number of outlets, it boggles the mind. So, please educate yourself.

Hi,

I listened to your voicemail and read your eMail, I have to say it was incorrect and rather condescending. First of all, I have worked within the psychiatric community for many years so I am fully aware of Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) previously known as Multiple Personality Disorder-MPD. I also know very well those who strip, do porn and other sexually related work. While some have had abuse, certainly not all of them have.

Your statistics are either made up, inaccurately twisted to sound like they apply to what you are talking about or was not a scientifically conducted study done over time with a large number of women interviewed. There are perfectly healthy and well adjusted women who enjoy their sexuality, who like the act of sex and the attention it affords them and to deny this is to say that women cannot be sexually extroverted which is a societal judgment that is past it's prime.

I know this is not true for you or people who have a need to lash out against sexuality in this form through such black and white thinking, but it is true for others. We all have emotional issues that are painful, but to blame those on our behavior takes away our personal empowerment.

If all of us walked around blaming others for our painful childhoods there would be no accountability for our own choices good or bad. Porn for some is healthy and for others it is a disaster. To say all sexual entertainment and better sex videos is bad is like saying that all food is bad for you and simply not true.

Please note that when I refer to the adult industry I am referring to the legal adult industry and not referring to child porn, human trafficking or the like which I am a strong advocate against. I am referring to the legal side of sexuality via porn, strippers and better sex models and actresses.

I have worked for years with rape and sexual abuse survivors and am quite aware of their issues. I have also worked with porn actresses and strippers. So I am perfectly capable of having the ability to espouse my opinion without feeling that I am speaking erroneously. I do not quote false statistics or use my highly emotional personal past to approach this issue as you clearly do.

This is not to say that there are not many women who have abuse issues, but for you to say that all of them have Dissociative Identity Disorder if they do not accept that they have been abused regardless of having a memory of it happening to them is truly a fallacy and irresponsible.

The key to life is balance and clearly your pendulum swung from one of promiscuity for the wrong reasons to anger against the industry you were once a part of for personal reasons. While you have the right to judge it for yourself and the right to voice your opinion (good intentioned I am sure) you should try and take a look at what you are really saying because it is clear to me that you still have unresolved issues that you project onto others, including the adult industry.

The lack of accountability you give to yourself and women saddens me. You make it sound as if women are victims and that they are incapable of making choices for themselves. Particularly someone who has been abused. When someone learns to overeat as a way of coping with sexual abuse (which as I am sure you know eating disorders are rampant among sexual abuse survivors) you don't hear anyone going after the food industry in the name of sexual abuse.

Ultimately no matter what happens to us as children we are responsible for our own behavior as adults. If you think that you were in the porn industry because you were sexually abused, that may be the case, but you cannot speak for the rest of all women who are with authority and you must own that it was YOUR choice to be in the adult industry. Slapping a diagnoses like Dissociative Identity Disorder on someone so casually really diminishes one's accountability which is one of the main things I think our society needs more of.

No one is completely emotionally, mentally or physically evolved on this earth, we often have "aha moments" when we see we are not being true to our higher path. If you think that doing something in the sexual professional is not on your path that is certainly your call. However, I can assure you that you waste your time trying to convince others of that which is right for you is also right for them... you begin to sound like a fundamentalist who can't see that there is diversity in the world and that your truth is not everyone else's reality.

Those like myself who are in the field of psychology will tell you that those who are sexually abused often develop promiscuous behavior, but they can also develop extremely repressed sexuality. They can also flip flop where you will see someone like yourself go from highly promiscuous behavior to extremely repressed sexual behavior or ideology.

It seems you are still struggling on your path to healing. I have said what I would like to say, and based on your voicemail and clearly false statistics, you do not need to bother to contact me to try and convince me that they are true, it would be a waste of both of our time. I wish you well with your endeavors and hope that you will find peace.

Best,

Lisa

Lisa S. Lawless, P.h.D., CEO

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