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Senior
Sex
Sexual
Fun After Fifty!
Having
worked with seniors in retirement, assisted living and nursing
facilities I can tell you that sex does not end at fifty,
nor should it! Youth has no superiority over senior sex,
it is simply different.
|
Lisa
S. Lawless, Ph.D., C.E.O.
HolisticWisdom.com Founder |
Men
and women can enjoy a new world of sexuality often overlooked
in youth. Healthy seniors tend to be more at ease with themselves,
their body image and where they are in their life which can lead
to out of this world sex.
Focusing
on the art of sex through a higher level of sexual education can
feed the creative juices for seniors. Using Tantra, Kama Sutra
and other forms of sexual techniques while utilizing products
designed to make senior sex easier can be just what makes sex
over fifty beyond fabulous.
What
Are The Challenges Of Senior Sex?
Aging
Sex Myths -
Men may
assume that as they age, they will simply be able to rely
on Viagra to help them through any problems they may experience.
However, Viagra only works on 2/3rds of men who use it, and
can't always overcome medical and psychological aspects that
may be the cause of sexual dysfunction. It is important for
men to understand that just like women, they will need to
be educated about their sexuality, what health factors influence
it, and what they can do to improve it.
On the
other hand a common scenario for women is that they often
buy into the false premise that with menopause comes an automatic
decline in sexual desire. If her male partner believes this
as well he may hesitate initiating intimacy and in turn the
woman can misinterpret that as lack of interest on his part.
She may, consequently back away herself. This kind of false
assumption can lead to intimacy problems within the relationship
all because of a belief that is outdated.
It is
important that both men and women communicate not just with
their physicians about their sexual functioning but also their
partners as it is quite possible for most seniors to have
a rich and fulfilling sex life solo or with a partner.
Society’s
Perception
National
surveys are now reporting that the public's perceptions have
begun to change about older women. Women over 50 are beginning
to be seen to be just as beautiful as those under 30 and women
over 50 agree with 91% of women over 50 who are happy with
their looks.
Research
by Allure Magazine looked at modern attitudes about beauty,
confidence and success. Surprisingly it is not plastic surgery
that is making the shift in attitude... their study revealed
that 66 percent of men opposed their lovers getting plastic
surgery.
There
is a shift in looking at how to approach aging, with today's
older Americans more active, whether it's working a job, volunteering
or traveling. Today, they are more vital and active because
of advances in medicine, psychology, and holistic health.
With baby
boomers coming into their sixties, more seniors are standing
up to show themselves for the viable, seasoned, beautiful
people that they are. If someone sees aging as depressing,
hopeless and a sad state of being... then it will be, if they
choose to see aging as a rich and fulfilling part of their
life's adventure then it will be. Life is what we make it,
and starting with a proactive approach to anything in life
is how to make it fulfilling.
Seniors
today are taking more control of their lives than ever before
and senior sex is not only on the rise, but getting even better!
Senior
Sexual Health-
It is
true that conditions such as heart problems, high blood pressure,
diabetes and other chronic illnesses can put a damper on sexuality.
This can also occur with medication side effects. However,
this again is why it is important to communicate with one's
physician, ask questions and become educated on how to manage
such medical obstacles while still achieving a healthy sex
life.
Looking
at AARP's recent study, Sexuality at Mid-life and Beyond
confirms that relationships and sexuality remain important
throughout life, thus sexual functioning is an important issue
for seniors.
When men
experience softer erections, erectile dysfunction, and loss
of desire and women experience vaginal dryness, clitoral desensitization
and loss of desire you can be sure that this impacts the quality
of life for any senior.
Medications,
health conditions and illness can affect your sexual drive.
If you have questions about how prescriptions will affect
senior sexuality, check with your physician or pharmacist.
If you notice sexual problems, seek medical advice to rule
out serious conditions and to find resources on how to address
them. Your health care provider may be able to help you stay
fit and active, as long as you're willing to talk about what's
bothering you.
Women's
Sexual Health-
A woman's
sexual health is not only affected by physical factors, but
is also impacted by her psychological approach to aging. It
is very important to remember that how you approach aging
is a crucial part of how it will play out.
Remember
that the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health
of someone is all interconnected. If
you take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally
you will have a better and more fulfilling sex life for yourself
and with a partner.
If you
are a woman there are some age-related physical changes that
may affect you sexually such as menopause and reduced estrogen
levels. As
you age, intercourse may become less comfortable or even painful.
Your vagina
loses elasticity as you age, which means it doesn’t stretch
as far or as easily, and lubrication takes longer even when
you are sexually aroused. Some
women experience a burning sensation during intercourse or
light vaginal bleeding afterward. Longer foreplay may help
stimulate your natural lubrication, and you can use a water-based
personal lubricant to make up the difference.
You may
also want to talk to your health professional about estrogen
cream, and an estrogen ring, or another estrogen replacement
therapy to improve your body’s hormone balance.
Having
intercourse regularly can help you maintain lubrication and
elasticity. On the other hand, if you haven't had intercourse
for a while, it will take time to stretch your vagina enough
to accommodate a penis comfortably. Talk to your partner about
what you’re experiencing, and take it slow to enhance your
arousal and to minimize your discomfort.
Men's
Sexual Health-
If you
are a man, it may take you longer to achieve an erection as
you get older. In addition, your erections may not be as firm
or last as long as they did when you were younger. Aging will
also lengthen your time between possible ejaculations. Talk
frankly with your partner, and try different positions that
may make inserting your penis easier and more enjoyable for
both of you. You should also talk to your doctor or health
professional if you're having trouble with impotence, maintaining
an erection or reaching orgasm. You may require medication
that can help you achieve and maintain an erection. In some
cases, vascular surgery, penile vacuum pumps or other therapies
may be advised.
Seniors
& STDs
Though
single baby boomers are having sex regularly, only 39 percent
invariably use protection, according to the AARP study. "To
me, those are pretty alarming figures," says Linda Fisher,
AARP's research director. Many boomers just don't have a sense
of danger about sex. They came from an age before the HIV
epidemic and never learned how to negotiate condom use or
testing with their partners. The number of new HIV infections
among older women is rising rapidly: between 1998 and 2000,
women's share of AIDS cases among those 50 and older nearly
doubled, from 8.9 percent to 15 percent.
Thus,
it is especially important that seniors be educated on STDs
and the risks that come with them. After all, physical aging
can be hard enough.
Psychological
Stress
Fear of
aging, loss and death are fairly common from time to time
in most people, however if these fears are dwelled upon they
can wreck havoc on the psyche. This in turn affects sexual
functioning as the mind and body are very much interconnected.
Loss of sexual desire as well as ability to perform from erectile
dysfunction to vaginal
dryness can occur.
An interesting
study recently showed that men who were treated for Erectile
Dysfunction in turn helped their female partners sexual functioning.
Even though their female partners had previously been suffering
from loss of sexual desire and vaginal dryness, once the men
were treated the women's physiology changed. The women showed
physiological changes in lubrication, orgasm and arousal.
One might conclude that feeling desired is an important aspect
of sexual functioning.
Changes
in aging can lower your interest in sex, make it harder to
become aroused, and even interfere with your ability to connect
emotionally with your partner. The stress of worrying about
how you will perform, or whether you’re worthy of sexual attention
from your partner, can lead to impotence in men and lack of
arousal or orgasm in women.
The best
way to address these problems is honest and open communication
with your partner. Explain the anxieties you’re feeling, ask
for and accept reassurance, and take things slowly to avoid
performance pressure.
Related
Health Articles
Stressful
Living Arrangements, Divorce & Death-
Many people
assume that seniors are free to focus on themselves, without
kids in the house. However, some still have teenagers or even
adult children still living at home and some have aging parents.
Sandwiched in like this can make time for passion more complicated
while trying to cope with maturing children’s and aging parent’s
needs.
If this
is the case, then a couple or individual must dedicate time
just for themselves. Even if it is as simple as a nice, long,
hot bath. Add some waterproof
sex toys in there for good measure and you have got a
mini vacation!
The other
end of the spectrum is that some seniors are widowed or divorced
and find themselves single again. This is a wonderful time
for men and women to spend time experimenting with masturbation
and educating themselves on sexuality so that they can provide
themselves with sexual experiences they may have missed in
their youth.
As baby
boomers turn 60 more of them are single and while this generation's
search for love and relationships is not new, what has changed
is how they meet and why they date. Senior
dating web sites are a hot trend with many web sites devoted
to helping seniors find like minded partners.
Helpful
Suggestions
Toss
out any old preconceived ideas about giving up on sex as you age!
That is utter nonsense. Seniors are fully capable of enjoying
sexual pleasures that could put even their younger counter parts
to shame! With viagra, hormone therapy, sex toys, manuals, how-to
DVDs and pornography there are a lot more resources available
to seniors than ever before.
New
Sexual Communication For Older Couples
Couples
most often feel comfortable discussing their finances, taxes
and death, but many feel uncomfortable talking about sex.
These couples may feel ashamed or embarrassed discussing their
sexual desires, fantasies and questions, and often do not
know how to broach the subject with their partners.
However,
this communication is an important way for seniors to find
physical intimacy in new ways and sometimes needed ways later
in life. Using articles, television shows, etc. are a good
way to begin sexual discussions as a general topic and then
leading it into more specific sharing.
How
do most seniors get assistance with their sexual questions?
According
to a study by the AARP, more people now report consulting
health professionals than any other single source of information
(37% up from 26% in 1999). Books were the top choice in 1999
and now place second at 30%.
More than
twice as many men as in 1999 report ever using some type of
drugs or treatments to address problems with sexual performance
(22 percent, up from 10% in 1999).
Becoming
A Creative Sex Senior
Positions
As a senior,
you might not be as comfortable with some sexual positions
as you once were, but this does not mean you need to give
up an activity that is pleasurable for you, and miss out on
feeling close to your partner. Senior sex calls for creativity.
Try different intercourse positions to find ones that please
you and your partner.
If erectile
dysfunction is an issue, try intercourse with the woman on
top, where a hard erection is less important. Experiment with
positions that you both find comfortable and pleasurable.
Using
Creativity
The senior
years can be a wonderful time of sexual sharing. Explore sexual
play beyond intercourse by holding one another, sensual
touching and kissing to share passionate feelings. Try
experimenting with oral sex (Fellatio
& Cunnilingus),
anal play, prostate
massage and masturbation
as ways to please each other in bed. If you are creative enough
you will find all kinds of sensual
ideas to make your bedroom hot and spicy!
Recommended
Sex Toys For
Seniors
We
of course carry the Sue Johnason
sex toy line as she is so love by many seniors for her wonderful
television program. However, don't miss out on the superb collection
of items shown below that our staff has handpicked just for sexy
seniors!
IMPORTANT-
Remember
to get lubricant... senior women are more prone to vaginal
tears and benefit from it regardless of sexual arousal levels.
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Waterdancer
Small, quiet, powerful & waterproof, you cannot
go wrong with the Waterdancer with bunny, and yes the little
ears on the bunny make a big difference! Nontoxic.
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Sidekick
2
Non-toxic,
elastomer masturbation sleeve
that provides great pleasure and can act as a penis sleeve
that increases penis size when put on during sex.
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Massage
Candles
Candles that turn into massage oil. You will be hooked once
you try one, and once you do all your friends will want
one. They are so cool! Our favorite scent is Skinny Dip,
it is a soft vanilla spice that is out of this world.
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Hide
No Peek
Locks
to hide sex toys, easily hides under a sweater to hide them
even more from prying eyes. Machine washable with multiple
pockets to keep things inside separated.
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Tickle
Bell
Clitoral,
nipple and anal bliss when these little ticklers vibrate.
A powerful and quiet vibe that offers orgasmic delights.
Nontoxic.
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Discreet
Vibrator
The Berman Maia is a elegant vibrator disguised as a cosmetic
case. No one will know what it is when they look at it. A
powerful vibrator with a lot to offer.
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Layaspot
Waterproof and available in many colors, this curved vibrator
offers an easily held handful of love!
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ID
Pleasure
Arousal Gel that enhances sexual arousal when rubbed on
the nipples, clitoris, vaginal lips and anus. A well like
winner with our customers.
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Pearl
Thunder
Bigger, Stronger &
It Lights Up! Made by Vibratex
(the original makers of the Rabbit Pearl) this dual vibe
offers a thicker shaft for ladies that like a little more
girth. Nontoxic.
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Rabbit
Habit
The cordless version of the Rabbit Pearl (and made by
the same makers- Vibratex) this
is one of our best sellers. We have received a lot of positive
feedback from this sexy bunny vibe. Nontoxic.
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Liquid
V
Arousal gel that stimulates nipples, clitoris, vaginal lips
and anus. A popular request from our customers.
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Quiver
Built For Ultimate Pleasure! As odd as this baby looks,
the Quiver is very soft and pleasureful. The little nubs
tickle the inside of the vaginal walls while the clitoris
is massaged with this powerful vibe. Nontoxic.
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Double
Cock Ring
Use with a penis or dildo this cock ring allows for clitoral
and anal stimulation to drive your lover out of this world!
Nontoxic.
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Feeldoe
By Tantus, this unique product can be used by one or
two partners at the same time and comes in three different
sizes while it vibrates. So popular we have a hard time
keeping them in stock.
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Maven
Penis Sleeve
Enhance masturbation with this non-toxic, real to life cyberskin
material. Add lubricant and the slide this over your manhood
for hot fun. Customer feedback has been very good.
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Mini
Dream
Small, powerful and nontoxic, this is made by Vibratex
and provides stimulation to your nipples, clitoris, vaginal
lips and anus. A well like toy by our staff and customers.
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Vibratex
Pandora
Prostate & G-spot Massage, however more men are getting
it as a prostate massager, so much so that we included it
in two adult gift sets. Our
staff loved the many settings and soft feel.
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Make
Your Own Dildos
Also In Make Your Own Vagina Kits, Edible Chocolate
& Glow In The Dark! Hypoallergenic and really works.
The mold material is firm and not like cyberskin, but using
a dildo of your lover's exact mold when they are with you
or away is quite an experience.
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Fleshlights
This is our best selling sex toy for men. The cyberskin
material is very real feeling. The back and front screw
off for easy cleaning and it looks like a really large flashlight
when closed. Requires a lot of lubricant to feel good, but
really works and sucks when back end is off.
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Foreplay
Lubes
The best tasting out there & we've looked! See how
it compares to other lubricants through our flavored lubricant
reviews.
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Vibratex
Honey Bear
Small & powerful this vibrator can stimulate your nipples,
clitoris and anus. Powerful and cute! A winner vibe.
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The
Love Handle
Easy to use for gspot & prostate stimulation! Also
really beautiful and made by Phallix so it is of high quality
and of course Pyrex glass.
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Rocky
Road Baton
Thick, stimulating and easy to thrust in & out!
The head is wide for women who like girth and the nubs feel
great on the vaginal lips or during use anally. lt is made
by Phallix so it is of high quality and of course Pyrex
glass.
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Liberator
Shapes
Great for enhancing sexual positions! One of our best
selling products.
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Silky
Use with a harness or without, while the colors make them
unrealistic looking, they feel very real. A nice, average
size dildo for women who don't want anything too big.
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Art
of Female Ejaculation
Book, DVD & VOD this is our own instruction on female
ejaculation. The video is more about education. If you want
female ejaculation
videos for entertainment, we have those too.
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Female
Ejaculation
This is not as explicit as The Art of Female Ejaculation,
but teaches similar techniques. Real life couples provide
demonstrations.
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Bedazzle
Cordless anal pleasure, this is our top selling anal toy.
It is nontoxic and smaller than a penis, but large enough
to provide a really pleasant sensation. We think it is just
right. The bumps also make it a pleasureful ride!
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Rock
Your World
This double vibrator is nontoxic and has nubs that delight
the vaginal walls and gspot as it hugs and vibrates the
clitoris. A hit with customers.
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Dreamboat
Gspot
& clitoris, anus & prostate vibrator that is also
in a remote control version which can make for an interesting
evening out! Nontoxic, quiet and powerful a toy with great
potential.
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Deva
Premal's
The Essence CD
Sensual, Spiritual, Beautiful- Listen For Yourself!
Listen
to a sample of this CD
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Creme
Brulee Highly Scented Soy Candle
Smells Incredible, lasts forever, no toxic paraffin
and no black soot!
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Roller
Ball Massager
Truly
A Staff Favorite!
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Hot
Heart Massager
Reusable,
gets hot, another staff and customer favorite!
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Vibrating
Cyberskin Cockring
Enhance your penis with this super soft cock ring with vibrator
to delight the clitoris, anus or balls!
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Condom
Cases
Discreet & beautiful, these make excellent gifts...
especially for bridesmaids.
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Thunder
Cloud
Huge, soft, lights up this massive, cyberskin dual vibe
is for size queens that love their dildos big! Nontoxic
and powerful this is one toy you can't ignore.
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Twist
Great for beginner anal play! It is nontoxic and slim
enough to make it easy for those who are anally shy.
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Adult
Entertainment DVDS
The best in adult DVDs, in high definition, there
are several to choose from that are hits across the world!
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