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Sex
Jokes
Fun &
Sexy
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Nude
Runner
A woman was having a daytime affair while
her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her
boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull
into the driveway. "Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump
out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I
can't jump out the window. It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your
problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps
out the window! As he ran down the street in the pouring rain,
he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the
town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the
others, about 300 of them.
Being
naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend
in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners
who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do
you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh
yes!" he replied, gasping for air . "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another
runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes
with you under your arm?"
"Oh,
yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed
right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then
a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and asked, "Do you
always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope...
just when it's raining."
Two
Sperms
Two sperm are swimming along.
One
turns to the other and asks, “Hey, how far to the fallopian tubes?”
The
other replies, “Fallopian tubes? Hell, we haven’t even passed
the esophagus yet!”
Stranded
On A Desert Island
A guy was stranded on a desert island with
Heidi Klum. Initially, he played it cool, not making any moves
on her for several weeks. Finally, he asked her if they could
start a physical relationship, so as to attend to each other’s
needs. Heidi was game, and a very nice sexual relationship began.
After several months, the guy approached Heidi and said, “I have
a problem…It’s kind of a guy thing, but I need to ask you a favor.”
Heidi replied, “Okay,” to which he asked, “Can I borrow your eyebrow
pencil?” Heidi looked at him in confusion, but obliged. The guy
then asked, “Do you mind if I use the eyebrow pencil to draw a
mustache on you?” Heidi was growing worried, but again obliged,
so the guy drew a mustache on her. Then the guy said, “Can you
wear some of my clothes? I need for you to look more like a man.”
Heidi was becoming disappointed at this point, but hesitantly
put on his clothes. Finally, the guy said to Heidi, “Do you mind
if I call you Phil?” Heidi had now become very dejected, and said
“No, I guess not, you can call me Phil.”
So,
the guy reached out and grabbed Heidi by the arms and shouted
“Phil, you won’t believe who I have been sleeping with!”
Sex
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