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Sex
Jokes
Fun &
Sexy
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Refrigerator
Note
Note found on the refrigerator one morning:
My
Dear Honey, You will surely understand that I have certain needs
that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very
happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after
reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret
the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old
secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset I shall
be home before midnight."
When the man
came home late that night, he found the following letter on the
dining room table:
My Dear Husband,
I received
your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years
old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that
you are also 54 years old.
As you know,
I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform
you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with
Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis
coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years
old.
As a successful
businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand
that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference
- 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore,
I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.
Opening
A Door For A Lady
One night, a man and his lady friend were
about to enter his apartment, when, before he could open the door,
she said, “Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how
he unlocks his door.”
The
man says, “Well, give me some examples.”
The
lady explains, “Well, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and
opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that
isn't for me. If a man fumbles around and can’t seem to find the
hole, then that means he is inexperienced, and that isn’t for
me either.” Then
she said, “How do you unlock your door?”
The
man answered, “Well, before I do anything else, I lick the lock…”
God's
Gifts...
Seems God was just about done creating the
universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations,
so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the
couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability
to stand up while urinating. "It’s a very handy thing" God told
the couple, "and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that
ability."
Adam
jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able
to do that. I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let
it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."
Eve
just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that
he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would
make Adam really happy, and she didn’t mind if Adam were the one
to get this ability.
Adam
was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest
tree, laughing with glee all the while.
"Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "What’s
left here?" "Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."
The
Magic Chastity Belt
King Arthur was in Merlin’s laboratory where
the good wizard was showing him his latest invention. It was a
chastity belt, except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious
place.
“This
is no good, Merlin!” the king exclaimed, “Look at this opening.
How is this supposed to protect m’lady, the Queen?”
“Ah,
sire, just observe,” said Merlin. He then selected his most worn
out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He inserted
it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small
guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two.
“Merlin, you are a genius!” said the grateful monarch. “Now I
can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.”
After
putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon
his Quest.
Several
years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled
all of his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers
for an informal “short arm” inspection.
Sure
enough, each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged
in some way. All of them, except Sir Galahad.
“Sir
Galahad,” exclaimed King Arthur. “My one and only true knight!
Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it
in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!”
But,
alas, Sir Galahad was speechless.
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