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Sex
Jokes
Fun &
Sexy
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Sex
Signals For The Deaf Couple
Sex
Joke
Two
deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they
found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they
turn the lights off because they can't see each other using sign
language.
After
several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife
decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we
agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want
to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my right breast one
time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my
left breast one time."
The
husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife,
"Great idea, now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and
pull on penis one time." "If you don't want to have sex, reach
over and pull on my penis... fifty times."
Looking
For Mr. Right
Sex
Joke
A
rich widow placed an ad as she was looking for a husband-
A
RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE
FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS:
1. WON'T BEAT ME UP
2. WON'T RUN AWAY
3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED
For
several months, her phone rang off the hook, her doorbell was
ringing constantly, she received tons of mail...all to no avail.
None of the men seemed to meet her qualifications.
Then
one day the doorbell rang yet again. She opened the door to find
a man, with no arms and no legs, lying on the welcome mat. Perplexed,
she asked, "Who are you and what do you want?"
"Hi,"
said the man "Your search is over, for I am the man of your dreams.
I've got no arms, so I can't beat you up and I've got no legs,
so I can't run away."
The
old woman asked, "What makes you think you're so great in bed?"
To
which he replied, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
Irresistible
To Women
Sex
Joke
A
man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle.
He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie. The genie
says "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will
grant you three wishes."
The
man says "Great. I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what
I want.
First,
I want 1 billion dollars in a Swiss bank account." Poof! There
is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers
appears in his hand.
He
continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Poof! There is a flash of light and a bright, red, brand-new Ferrari
appears right next to him.
He
continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women." Poof!
There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.
Upper
Lever Management Lesson
Sex
Joke
Joe
wanted to have sex with a girl in his office, but she said she
already had a boyfriend. One day he got so frustrated that he
went up to her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me have
sex with you." The girl said, "NO." Joe then said: "I'll be fast
-- I'll throw the money on the floor, you bend down, and I'll
be finished by the time you pick it up."
She
thought for a moment and said that she would have to consult her
boyfriend. She called her boyfriend and told him the story. The
boyfriend said: "Ask him for $200, then pick up the money very
fast. He won't even be able to get his pants down." She agreed
and accepted the proposal.
A
half an hour went by. Finally, after 45 minutes the boyfriend
called and asked what happened? She said: "The bastard used quarters!"
Management
Lesson: Always consider a business proposal in it's entirety
before agreeing to it and getting screwed.
She
Likes To Screw
Sex
Joke
A
father was eager to marry off his daughter so he wanted tried
impress her first date. "Do you like to screw?" he asked. "Huh?!"
replied the surprised young man. "My daughter, she loves to screw
and she's very good at it. You and she should go screw;" carefully
explained the father. Now very interested, the boy replied, "Yes,
sir!" Minutes later the girl came down the stairs, kissed her
father good-bye and the couple left. After only a few minutes
she reappeared, furious, dress torn, hair a mess and screamed,
"Damn it, Daddy, get it right, it's the TWIST!"
Sex
Jokes
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