Cyber Stalking: Protecting Yourself
          Harassment & Threats Via The Web

Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D., CEO Member of American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists ( AASECT )

Stalking and Cyber-Stalking is becoming a larger problem in America. Currently it is believed that 1.4 million victims are stalked each year. The pattern of controlling behaviors in stalking and Cyber-stalking are very similar to domestic violence.

General stalking behaviors can include following a victim, threatening or repeated phones calls, coming to the victim’s place of employment, leaving written messages or objects, and vandalizing the victim’s property.

Cyberstalking can involve eMail, harassment in
live chat situations, using the victims code name
or eMail address to sign up for newsletter,
services, or leave inappropriate messages on message boards or guest books, sending
viruses, or electronic theft identity. By using eMail the stalker can send spam (unsolicited junk mail) and send pornographic materials to work or family accounts. In live chat situations the harassment may involve "flaming", or on-line verbal abuse, sexual harassment, and repeated attempts at "private chats."

Electronic identity theft is the use of the Internet to gain personal information. There are online services that will give your social security number, financial history, personal information, and even a detailed map to your house. Depending on whether a cyber stalker wants to spend money on stalking you they can also do background checks, and have things mailed to you.

Cyber stalking can be as terrifying as general stalking, but often harder to prove and more difficult to control. The anonymity of the Internet works for the stalker, but there are safety procedures to help anyone on-line and those being cyber stalked.

• Do not give out personal information online.
  
  
• Avoid using your real name or nickname online.
  
  
• Be very careful about meeting on-line acquaintances in person.
  
  
• If you are being cyber stalked change eMail accounts.
  
  
• Report cyber stalking to your online provider: AOL, Earthlink, etc.
  
  
• If you cannot change accounts look into filter programs.
  
  
• Within a chat room use gender-neutral nicknames.
  
  
• Avoid using primary eMail addresses that are difficult to change, and do not post them in chatrooms.
  
  
• Be careful with divulging personal information under profiles.

Getting Worse?

Warning signs include an escalation of behavior- are they contacting you 20 times instead of two or three a day, is there a change in the pattern, for example the stalker sends nice notes and now they are threatening. If you receive any threats towards you or your family you should notify the police. Also, has there been recent in-person contact? These are signs that the situation is worsening and you need to notify the police, and those around you including co-workers, friends, or family.

A safety measure that should begin from the first signs that this may be stalking is a diary of events including any in-person contact, letters, phone calls, escalation of behaviors, contact with family, and if possible printed eMails and answering machine messages. Change your locks if the stalker is an ex-partner, change your phone number and only give it to those who really need it.

What can you do if things are getting much worse and they have initiated more than Internet contact-

• Document everything, even if you have decided not to go the legal route, you may change your mind.
  
  
• Keep eMails, answering machine tapes, letters, gifts, etc.
  
  
• Keep a log of suspicious occurrences.
  
  
• Take a self-defense class. A lot of security experts don’t advise this, fearing that it gives victims a false sense of security, but we do. The best self-defense classes teach you how to become more aware of your surroundings and avoid confrontations, things that stalking victims would do well to learn.
  
  
• Have co-workers screen all calls and visitors.
  
  
• Don’t accept packages unless they were personally ordered.
  
  
• Remove any name or identification from reserved parking at work.
  
  
• Destroy discarded mail.
  
  
• Equip your gas tank with a locking gas cap that can be unlocked only from inside the car.
  
  
• Get a cell phone and keep it with you at all times, even inside your home, in case the stalker cuts your phone lines.
  
  
• If you think you are being followed while in your car, make four left- or right-hand turns in succession. If the car continues to follow you, drive to the nearest police station, never home or to a friend’s house.
  
  
• Never be afraid to sound your car horn to attract attention.
  
  
• Acquaint yourself with all-night stores and other public, highly populated places in your area.
  
  
• Consider moving if your case warrants it. No, it’s not fair, but nothing is fair about stalking. If you stay and fight through the legal system, you might get some justice, (although not necessarily your definition of it), but you almost certainly won’t get safety: There is no possibility of life imprisonment for stalkers.
  
  
• Research how to keep your destination secret. Stalking and victims’ organizations can help.
  
  
• Don’t be embarrassed and think you caused this somehow. Stalkers need no encouragement. Your shame is your stalker’s best weapon. It makes you more likely to engage them or agree to plea bargains, which are bound to be taken as encouragement.
  
  
• Instead, tell everyone you know that you’re being stalked, from neighbors to co-workers, so that when the stalker approaches them for information about you, they will be alerted not to divulge anything and will let you know he’s been around.

One young widow moved to escape her stalker, a stranger she had never really met. Yet, after finding out where she moved, he was also able to pinpoint her exact location by showing her helpful neighbors pictures he had surreptitiously taken of her and her children, telling them that he was her estranged husband and she had kidnapped the kids. This is a perfect example of why telling people you know about your situation can help.

Join one of the stalking victims’ support groups that are springing up all over the country. They can be invaluable resources for information in your community (such as how local law enforcement handle these cases) as well as provide essential support.

Click on the link below for more help online and more safety measures there are several web sites devoted to stalking and cyber stalking.