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Strap-On & Harness Guide
How To Choose The Best Harness for You

This article will cover the basics of how a harness is used, the different types of harnesses as well as the pros and cons of the different types of strap-on dildos based on materials and features. We will review the differences in the materials of both the harnesses and dildos as well as review hot topics such as prostate massage and the use of hollow dildos, which are often used for men who have issues with Erectile Dysfunction.

A strap-on dildo can be worn by both men and women and are designed to provide penetration both vaginally and anally. Harnesses can be made out of a variety of materials, however, it is important to make sure that you purchase both a harness and dildo that are nontoxic and are phthalate free to prevent health problems such as hormone disruptions and cancer.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

Copyright: Holistic Wisdom- Do NOT Copy Warning

Copyright Holistic Wisdom, Inc.


Sasha Harness by SpraeParts

As you read this article, please note that we only sell phthalate free sex toys and paraben free lubricants so it is easy to choose from our selection, however, you can also cross reference if something is toxic or not if you already have a harness or dildo by referencing our sex toy materials definitions and learning about what makes a sexual product nontoxic and safe.

In addition to ensuring that products are nontoxic and figuring out how to best use a strap-on, one of the most important aspects of purchasing a harness and/or dildo is to make sure that they fit well together, are comfortable to use and provide you with control.

After all, the last thing that you want to do is get something that is uncomfortable, painful or just flops around making penetration difficult. The whole point in having a strap-on is that it allows for sexual pleasure and health, so having the right tools for the job is key.

Reasons for Using A Strap-On

Strap-ons allow for hands free penetration as well as creative sexual positions, prolonging sex, double penetration, prostate massage and even making masturbation easier. There are also ways to use strap-ons to manage Erectile Dysfunction.

A strap-on can be used by and for both men and women as well as with a partner or through solo use. Below are the most common uses of a strap-on:

  • Prolonging Sex: When a heterosexual couple wishes to prolong sex by keeping a man from having an orgasm, they can use a strap-on so that he can provide penetration without inserting his penis into the vaginal opening. This allows her the pleasure of penetration for extended lengths of time until she is ready to have her partner penetrate her. During the use of the strap-on the male partner may also choose to receive sexual stimulation to his penis and testicles through use of a vibrator or through his lover's hands. He can also opt to use a harness that provides prostate stimulation. Sex toys allow for variety and creativity so there are many different ways to utilize strap-ons with other sex toys (which we cover below). This can also apply to gay couples as well.

  • Erectile Dysfunction: When a man is unable to reach a full erection whether it is partially erect or flaccid, he may choose to use a strap-on. There are two options for using a strap-on with Erectile Dysfunction- 1) He can use a hollow dildo and insert his penis inside of it while he thrusts into his lover. 2) He can get a harness that allows him to use a dildo while either resting inside the harness or having his penis come through an opening in a harness. We will cover more about this below and discuss the pros and cons of those two options.

  • Pegging: This is a term used for a woman who uses a dildo to penetrate her lover anally. This is done primarily for men in order to receive prostate massage; which is not just pleasurable but healthy for you as it has been proven to reduce the risks of prostate cancer.

  • Oral Sex: In some situations couples may find it visually erotic to watch their partner simulate oral sex on a strap-on dildo. In other situations, a strap-on dildo can be used on a partner allowing for one or both of the partners to give oral sex. This is most common with leg, arm and hand harnesses.

  • Female to Female Sex: This is when a women chooses to use a strap-on with another woman either vaginally, orally or anally.

  • Male to Male Sex: Men can also opt to use a strap-on with one another anally and orally.

  • Masturbation: Both men and women can use a strap-on for masturbation. A woman can use it for vaginal or anal penetration while a man can use it for prostate massage. Typically when used for masturbation, strap-ons are secured to a pillow, chair or other item that will allow the user to ride or thrust themselves against the dildo without having to use their hands. They can also combine the use of a strap-on with other sex toys for increased sexual stimulation.

 

Using Other Sex Toys with a Strap-On Dildo

Combining other sex toys with strap-on dildos allows for increased pleasure as well as creative sexual play. Below are some examples of how to use other sex toys with a strap-on dildo-

  • Vibrating Cockrings: By attaching a vibrating ring over a strap-on dildo you can make it a dual or even a triple action stimulating sex toy with stimulation going to the clitoris, anus and even the perineum.

  • Penis Extenders: To make a dildo larger during strap-on sex, you can attach a penis extender that can add both width and length as well as vibration if you opt to get a vibrating version.

  • C-Shape Sex Toys: You can use C-shape sex toys such as the Tiani 2 by LELO, the We-Vibe 2 and We-Vibe 3 while also penetrating with a strap-on dildo.

  • Vibrators: These can be used with a partner or solo in addition to using a strap-on dildo. You can use vibrators with a strap-on dildo for penetration of the clitoris, nipples, anus and penis. These can include small vibrators, phallus shaped vibrators, anal vibrators and many other varieties.

  • Plugs: You can also opt to use hands-free sex toys such as butt plugs while wearing a harness or if you are the recipient of a strap-on.


Using Lubricants with Strap-Ons

Lubrication is encouraged when using a strap-on dildo to prevent discomfort. Even if a woman is lubricated naturally, putting a dry dildo inside her (especially with thrusting) can cause irritation and pain and it is why we highly recommend using a safe, waterbased lubricant for all of your sex toys as they make even clitoral sex toys feel better. There are no negative chemical interactions that occur to sex toys when using one that is waterbased and paraben free. To learn more about lubricant selection you can read our Lubricant Guide.

 

The Importance of Sizing

We have provided a guide to help customers better understand that the size of your dildo is very important in ensuring that you are getting something that is comfortable for you and/or your lover. A common mistake is assuming that bigger is always better. If the dildo is too long it can hit the cervix of your female lover and cause pain and if it is too wide it can cause uncomfortable vaginal stretching and even tearing which can be painful. Make sure that you are very clear about what would be comfortable for you and/or your lover by determining the size you desire before you purchase a dildo. See our dildo size guide for more information.


Types of Harnesses

Harness Locking Systems

The first aspect to review is the type of locking system that a harness will have. There are two main types: the O-ring and the Vac-U-Lock system. The O-ring types are the most popular and versatile to use as they allow use with a larger variety of sizes and types of dildos. They are also offered in different types of styles.

The O-ring
Lover's Super Strap Harness
The O-ring harness can come in a variety of styles. The inner ring is sometimes made with metal while other times with rubber, silicone or elastomer to allow for more dildos to be used by being able to stretch. Some O-ring harnesses allow you to swap out different sizes and types of rings, while others flex and allow only for swapping out different sizes and styles of dildos.
Vac-U-Lock
Vac-U-Lock Nylon Harness
The patented Vac-U-Lock system by Doc Johnson is a peg with special ridges that protrudes out of the the harness and is held in by snaps. The peg is then put into the bottom of dildos that are made for the Vac-U-Lock system. The Vac-U-Lock products can work with O-ring harnesses if they have a flared base or you have the plug accessory to give it a flared base.


Harness Styles

  • The next aspect of a harness is the style. There are several to choose from and each offers pros and cons. You may purchase any of these harnesses through our strap-on and harness section.

  • One thing to keep in mind is that the thicker the straps and ability to tighten them (around the waist), the more control you will have of your strap-on dildo and it is why we typically carry those styles over the thinner strapped harnesses. Using a sturdy harness will mean that you can thrust harder and that the harness will stay in place keeping it from chafing you or sliding around and making it difficult to control the dildo. The dildos below can be used with practically any dildo or plug.

  • Make sure when you decide to purchase a harness to check the size compatibility for your waist and hips and the minimum and maximum diameter of the dildo or plug that your harness can accommodate.

  • Also remember that when choosing a harness, if you intend to use a hollow dildo and you wish for a male partner to insert his penis inside it, you have to get a harness that has an opening for him to come through.

Double StrapsBest Strap On - Double Strap
The double strap harness is the most popular type of harness as it is one of the most comfortable and affords stability for control. It also allows for a man to wear it as his testicles and penis can usually fit in-between the straps, however, this depends on brand and design of the harness. These types tend to have the best reviews when it comes to control.
G-string

The G-string harness ranges in widths. Some are thicker while others are nothing more than an elastic band running up the back. The thicker they are, the more control over the strap-on dildo you will have. For that reason, we recommend using one that is a little wider. This will also keep it from riding up your behind if you do not desire it to do that.
 
Corset Harness
The Corset harness typically comes in the style of the double straps with a waist that is done up with string or ribbon for a lingerie style look. They are generally marketed to women but can also be worn by a man. They can be as sturdy as some of the double straps but it completely depends on the brand of harness you ultimately get.
Thigh & ArmThigh Harness
This harness is versatile in that it can be used on your limbs but it can also be placed on a piece of furniture or around a pillow which can make masturbation and couples play more creative. The control factor is fairly good, however, it is not as sturdy as a two strap harness and care must be taken not to cut off circulation by wearing it too tight or for too long.
Underwear Harness
Rodeoh Harnesses - AKA Rodeo Harnesses
Also known as Panty Harnesses, these are comfortable to wear and offer the ability to have more spontaneous use of a harness because you can wear it at anytime as underwear. They have slightly less control than an adjustable harness such as a two strap but consumers have indicated they are rather effective harnesses and are growing in popularity.
Lingerie Harness
Similar to Panty Harnesses, the Lingerie Harness allows the user to wear garters that attach to the harness panty. These have two internal panels which offers the wearer a covered dildo base or full contact with the body through the hole. Internal mini bullet vibe pockets allow for additional sensations for both you and your partner. These are comfortable and sturdy with just slightly less control than a double strap.
Vibrator Harnesses
Strap On Vibrators
Keeping a vibrator hands free is something that is perfect for intercourse as it allows a couple to have the vibrator on while penetrating them with a penis or strap-on dildo.
Harness Sets
Harness Sets
Harness sets are great for beginners as well as experienced users as they take the compatibility factor out of the equation. This means that you do not have to figure out the diameter of the dildo and the diameter of the O-ring to see if they will match as the set is already designed to do that. Most come with an O-ring that will fit other dildos so you can always add more to your collection later.

 

Hollow Dildos & Erectile Dysfunction

With limited options for Erectile Dysfunction when Viagra does not work or cannot be taken there are a few options that sex toys can offer before one would consider doing something as extreme as a penile implant.

Penis Pumps & Rings

If you are able to get a partial erection or simply cannot hold it, you may want to first consider using a penis pump to help engorge the penis with blood and then use a penis ring that slides down to the base of the shaft to hold the blood in and keep the erection firm until ejaculation occurs. There are some myths about what a penis pump and penis rings (cockrings) can do so we have put together articles that will help you to better understand how to use them, what they can offer and also how to use them safely without causing tissue damage.


Hollow Dildos & Two Hole Harnesses-

If you wish to explore using a strap-on dildo whether or not you can get erect and hold the erection, then there are two options. The first is to use a hollow dildo and the second is to use a harness that allows you to fit inside or outside of it while you penetrate using a dildo. There are some pros and cons to using each and it is important to review them so that you make sure that you do not get something that will not work for you or your partner.

Hollow Dildos-

Despite the large sex toy industry, there are very few companies that make hollow dildos on the market today and even fewer that make them so that they are nontoxic. We have all of the nontoxic hollow dildos that are available at this time on our site from which you may choose. However, there are a few things to note about hollow dildos that are currently available-

  • They are typically 1.75 - 2 inches in diameter on the outside. In fact, we have not found a model at this time that is smaller in width. The large diameter is done so that the penis will fit inside whether you are semi erect or flaccid. The problem that many couples find in using these larger dildos is that the female partner often finds them to be too big and may even find it painful.

  • Hollow dildos that are currently on the market are typically very hard on the inside and do not provide stimulation to the male user in any way.

Double Hole Harness Option-

One of the most popular suggestions that we offer to couples that are dealing with Erectile Dysfunction is to use a harness that has two holes in it. What this allows is for the couple to use any dildo they like so that they can choose size, color, texture and material while allowing for skin to skin contact (which hollow dildos are not designed to do).

The way that this works is that the male puts his penis in the bottom hole and then puts the dildo in the top. This allows him to penetrate his lover while still rubbing up against his lover providing him with skin to skin contact and stimulation. In addition, if he is erect, he can penetrate his lover without having to take off the harness.


Double Hole Harness
The Best Realistic Strap-On Dildos

When asked by our customers for the best strap-on dildo to use with a harness, we often refer them to the Tantus O2 line. There are a few reasons that we recommend dildos such as these-

Some of the most durable dildos are silicone, metal and glass. Most customers when looking for a strap-on indicate that they want something that is realistic feeling. That pretty much rules out metal and glass because while they are great dildos and feel really good, they do not feel like a real penis and are not for someone who wants something realistic.

Most silicone dildos do not feel realistic so that is why many consumers buy dildos made from skin like materials such as Cyberskin. The problem with these skin types of materials is that they are very porous and they tear easily.

Adam O2: Silicone DildoO2 Revolution Dildo by Tantus
Tantus O2 Dildos

Realistic feeling medical grade silicone dildos.

When a sex toy is porous it can hold onto bacteria easily and it is much more difficult to keep clean. To clean them you must use a spray on toy cleaner, let the cleaner get down into the pores and then rinse it off. You cannot use soap as the soap will stay in the pores and many create a soapy lather the next time you use it. It is important to keep the bacteria off a sex toy as it can cause a urinary tract infection (UTI) or even contribute to a yeast infection.

This is why we are often asked by our customers if we have silicone sex toys that feel like skin and are realistic to the touch. Currently, there is only one line of medical grade silicone dildos that meets this description and that is the Tantus O2 line. What we also like about them is that they have a firm inner core but a softer outer layer that is velvety smooth and slightly squishy like a real penis. They are rigid like an erect penis and will not flop around like Cyberskin style dildos. Finally, because they are made with medical grade silicone, they are nonporous and will not harbor bacteria, they are also very easy to clean.

Pure, 100% medical grade, silicone dildos tend to be more expensive than other dildos because the silicone material is more expensive for manufacturers to use, however, it is well worth it because they are also extremely durable and will literally last a lifetime unlike other dildos that may have to be replaced after a couple years if not sooner.

Penis Traction

There is one product that can be used as an alternative to pumps that uses what is referred to as penis traction. Penis traction works by steadily stretching the shaft of the penis causing the cells to divide and multiply (cytokinesis) which promotes new and permanent tissue growth throughout the penis in a matter of weeks to enlarge the penis as well as assist with erectile dysfunction as well as Peyronie's Disease. Learn more about how penis traction works.

MaleEdge Penis Enlarger

 

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