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Romance In Reality?
this article, explore-
Draw- Why Women Love It
the phenomenon and understand why women love Twilight. Also,
learn how couples can incorporate its main themes into their
relationship to make it even better.
men in particular are sometimes frustrated by being compared
to the Twilight fantasy and are tired of having their wives
and girlfriends go crazy over Edward Cullen and Jacob Black.
Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert
CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS
Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.
- Twilight Inspired Sex
to bring the romance of Twilight into your bedroom and even your
Reactions To Twilight
some of the problems people have had with the books and movies
and the negative reactions it has created in some.
there are Twilight inspired sex toys and products, learn what
they are - from an inspired Edward Cullen sparkly dildo to glitter
lube. We will discuss and show you what they are with a HUGE sense
of humor as we do.
some of the serious and insane sexual controversies that surround
the movie and actors in it.
What I Uncovered
Those of you
who are long time fans of my work, may be wondering why on earth
I would be writing about Twilight, but I found some pretty interesting
things to share with you all and wanted to take you on my journey
of figuring out what the mass draw is, why people also dislike
it, how you can better your relationship from gleaning some underlying
romantic themes, sexual controversies about it and my favorite,
which are the crazy sexual products inspired by it.
Own Twilight Experience
story begins when I was in the video store and happened
to see promotional materials for the movie Twilight: Eclipse,
along with the Team Edward vs. Team Jacob materials. I had
seen advertisements for the movies and had no idea what
they were about, other than vampires and werewolves. I had
assumed that they appealed to teenagers and vampire fans
and never gave it much consideration.
of curiosity, I asked what Twilight was about and was told
that it was not a typical vampire movie, rather, it was
more of a love story and that is why so many women love
it. I looked at the helpful video store employee and said...
you mean a love story for young girls and teenagers right?"
he said, with great enthusiasm, "any age, even grandmothers
love these movies and of course these were inspired by the
books by Stephenie Meyer."
another employee came out and said that she had gotten it
for her 14 year old niece, but once she saw it, she was
hooked and she matter of factually informed me that she
is 38 years old and is for Team Jacob. I was a bit taken
back by her reference to choosing a team, but I was more
focused on the smile she had on her face; it was as if she
was sharing something that seemed to light her up inside.
I found myself smiling in disbelief and was intrigued.
and got the first movie- Twilight and sat down on a Sunday
afternoon to take it in with an open mind. By the end of
the movie, my husband, who had already seen it when it had
first came out and had not been very impressed, peeked in
and asked if I had liked it. I sheepishly smiled and told
him I was hooked.
him it reminded me of us and he shrugged, not seeing how
I was comparing our relationship to a vampire story. I laughed,
realizing that he had only seen it because he had thought
it was going to be an exciting horror movie, as he loves
those. At the time, I could not articulate my thoughts well
enough to explain to him why it had moved me so much and
made me think of him; so I decided to spend some time analyzing
what it was that I liked so much and how to explain what
made me feel closer to my husband because of it.
there was the obvious reason... my husband and I met in
high school and have an incredible, unconditional, loving
relationship and while he does not sparkle on the outside,
when I look in his eyes, he does from the inside.
there was more to it. The more I loved this movie series
and eventually the books, the more I became a woman with
felt that what I had discovered for myself was something
I wanted to share, not just with my husband, but anyone
who would listen. The things I learned were meaningful
& even funny.
spent some time online, researching and learning more
about the book and movie series. I began reading and
watching videos on the media frenzy and my head started
to spin. I felt like I had been living in a bubble,
not to have known how insane the popularity of this
was. I found that there were women that had created
social groups around the series. I watched an older
Oprah episode that had the cast on for the Eclipse
premier and had gotten a group of women that called
themselves the Twimoms (Twilight moms) with an official
web site to boot.
I watched the intensity of the fans, I almost felt
a bit sorry for the actors (especially Robert Pattinson,
Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner) as they have become
so intertwined with the characters of this story in
the press and I wondered how they were handling all
of this projection of fantasy by so many wild fans.
At the same time, I thought, how fortunate for them...
after all, what a successful career boost.
to say, the reaction to the Twilight story was amazing to
me, but I also realized that many people were missing some
of the most important reasons for this, because, despite
the excellent casting of these roles... there is something
much more powerful than the actors and even the story that
is the driving force behind the Twilight success, which
I will explore shortly.
Reactions To Twilight
the Twilight series is not for everyone and it is not without
flaws; things such as a few illogical character reactions
to spelling and grammatical errors (someone needs a better
editor) are certainly a struggle at times for the audience.
So for those of you who disliked it for perfectly good reasons,
I am not attempting to change your mind. Rather, there are
some things it does bring up, which I think are important.
my research, I did find that many of the articles on the
Internet took a superficial look as to why women love Twilight;
talking about how women love vampires and bad boys, etc.
I was a bit blown away by how many people seemed to be missing
the universal aspects and draw of the story.
aside, I found some controversial things regarding sexuality
when I was doing research for this article that have come
from interviews, etc. One of the funniest ones was the comment
that Robert Pattinson made about having had a photo shoot
with nude models in Details Magazine. Robert
was quoted as saying "I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic
to vagina," when he was asked about the photo shoot.
I learned of Robert, is that he tends to have a Monty Python
style when giving interviews and often says outlandish things,
which is unfortunately lost on most of the American press.
I saw people online speculating that this meant he was gay
(not that it should matter). Later, in a interview on ABC's
show The View, he said that making such jokes often
led to him having to explain them in later interviews.
that is the price of making saucy comments like that...
I am sure I would get some upset emails if I joked that
I hated cock; especially, if you could not see that I was
being COMPLETELY sarcastic. Nonetheless, I found the whole
thing amusing; not to mention the absurd rumor that he is
pregnant and hiding it, according to one tabloid.
controversy goes both ways when it comes to the sexuality
of the story. Stephenie Meyer has been criticized for being
too risqué for a younger audience, while at the same
time, she has been criticized for having Mormon-influenced
ideas on sexuality and abstinence. What I found was that
she has stated that she had not consciously intended her
novels to be Mormon influenced or promote sexual abstinence
and as for the audience, she wrote the books for herself,
not targeting a certain age group.
of the most compelling things I read, were from men complaining
that the Twilight story fueled an unrealistic fantasy that
they could never live up to. I thought to myself, whoa,
hold the phone... we need to educate couples that while
fantasies do have elements to them that are not realistic,
the underlying themes of the Twilight series are completely
I made my way back to my original question regarding the
Twilight story... which was - what was it that made so many
women love this series and why were so many like giddy teenagers
that had fallen in love for the first time when they experienced
Components of Passion in Twilight
Feelings Of Love:
Yearning & Longing
It is good to be hungry for passion, and one could
say that the Vampire theme is a metaphor of this when
it comes to the Twilight story. We tend to lose our
hunger (passion) in our long-term relationships as
we trade it in for stability. But
we need to be reminded of our hunger for one another
from time to time and while we will never recapture
the initial excitement of a honeymoon period, there
are certainly ways to keep rediscovering one another
and make a long-term relationship exciting and invigorating.
is also a deeper kind of love that is only known from
a long relationship that grows as it allows partners
to evolve through experiences. After all, Edward and
Bella, while they may be immortal in the end, are
not perfect. Like all couples that go the distance,
they are going to have to deal with their every day
lives, but even more so to say the least.
Understanding how rare unconditional love is allows
us to better appreciate the relationship we have when
we are in one that has it. One of the ultimate things
that all humans desire, is to be loved as we are.
The movie Avatar captured this when they used
the expression "I see you." It is the human
experience to desire having a witness to our life
and know that despite our struggles, we can be loved
and love another completely.
That Transcends Time
The idea that we will be loved forever, lends itself
to the constant desire we have as humans to be remembered
and loved, even when we are no longer in this life.
The idea that we will always be loved is comforting
and can be seen through many examples in our daily
life, such as memorials, sharing our personal stories
there is a fierce and strong beauty to our temporary
lives... as every time I hug and kiss my husband,
I know it may be the last time that I get to do it
in this life and that is something far more tender
and endearing than knowing we are guaranteed tomorrow.
It is also something that Edward and Bella ultimately
do not have (unless they piss off the Volturi).
Drama & Conflict
Life would be pretty boring if we always knew what
was coming. The unknown brings an edgy feeling that
we could lose something very precious to us and often
we live under the delusion that we know what tomorrow
holds, which, if done for too long can dampen our
we fall in love, we take a leap of faith that we may
be terribly hurt if we pursue it. Romance is often
more strongly felt and even more passionate when we
have to overcome fear to get it. It is why courtship
can be a strengthening tool for a relationship. We
better understand what the love we feel means to us
and what is at stake if we were to lose it. It is
this awareness that makes us feel alive and passionate
and often times, daily tasks divert our attention
from the risks we took to come into a relationship
in the first place.
In every relationship, there is the question of holding
on or letting go. What makes us loyal when we feel insecure,
bored and even frustrated defines us. It shows integrity
to give of ourselves and it is an attractive aspect
for anyone to exhibit.
& Will Power
A truly romantic gesture on Edward's part can be seen
in the first movie, where he is able to only take
enough blood to save Bella from the venom that is
killing her, despite her blood being his "own
personal heroin" and something that he is not
sure that he can restrain himself regarding.
this kind of restraint in not harming the ones we
love through our behavior is something that many of
us struggle to do, despite our best efforts. From
the daily frustrations that cause us to disrespect
or even lash out at our partner to avoiding the temptations
of dishonesty and even infidelity. Showing restraint
around those things that we know can hurt our partners
is one of the deepest ways we can show love.
Road Less Traveled & Being Unique
Edward had not known true love until Bella came along
and it gives light to the desire that we want to be
thought of as unique, precious and irreplaceable.
It is a deep desire that most people feel and is seen
within the Twilight story. Bella is also an embodiment
of "any woman" as her appearance is of the
girl next door and she is loved for her kind heart
and strength, not her appearance. We all want to be
seen for what is inside us and appreciated for who
we are and this story embraces that.
other aspect is that Bella is choosing a road less
traveled and it is her journey that also makes a more
interesting life experience. Doing things that showcase
our unique talents, tastes and desires makes us feel
more connected to ourselves and others. Being loved
for this is a most wonderful and validating feeling.
Women's roles have greatly changed over the years and
while many of us are mothers, career women and more;
what is sometimes lost on men, is that while women don't
need men the way we used to, we still want and desire
them and we most definitely want to be nurtured, respected,
treated well and loved by them. In fact, it would seem
more flattering to men in this light... it validates
that while we are not dependent on you, we still passionately
want you and want you to want us. It is why Edward opening
the door for Bella, watching over her, protecting her,
nurturing her is so damn hot!
One of the sexier scenes in the first Twilight movie,
is when Edward tells Bella not to move so he can come
in slowly to kiss her. Just before he does, he smiles
and makes a small sigh; one that reminded me of another
scene in the 1993 movie True Romance, when
Christian Slater takes a look at Patricia Arquette
in the phone booth before he ravages her and does
a similar expression, as through he is looking at
the juiciest apple he has ever seen.
be desired is something most anyone will tell you
feels good and is pretty much a no-brainer as to why
this is appealing.
The intrigue of Edward wanting Bella, even though
he knows he shouldn't draw her into such a cursed
life, demonstrates a level of uncontrollable yearning
and the reckless abandon that love often drives us
During many scenes we see jealousy between the characters
Edward and Jacob and women love this. Often jealousy
is seen as a bad thing, and it can be when taken to
extremes. However, some jealousy can be a sign that
you love and appreciate your partner and want to share
something unique and special between just the two
of you. Wanting your partner to desire you in this
way is something that most everyone has felt at one
time or another.
New Take on Power Vs. Submission
Women are often dealing with a thousand details every
day. Our to do lists are often in the triple digits
and we never have enough time to get everything we
want done. The idea of someone that loves us, coming
in and showing us love and support without us asking
for it. Yum! Having a man take control by doing the
dishes, putting the kids to bed and then kissing my
neck and telling me how beautiful I am... well, honey...
you had me at the clank of the dishes going in the
represents this kind of power in an old school kind
of way... he intuits what Bella wants and needs and
men should take note of how powerful this can be.
An element that plays a part in the Twilight series
is the play of energy between sex and death. There
is something so powerful to the idea that the kind
of sexual intensity that Edward feels toward Bella
will get so passionate that he may lose control and
the sex could be so exciting that she could die. It
is an extreme aspect that is appealing when it comes
to this story, but certainly something neither of
them really wants. It does create for some dramatic,
passionate scenes though and something that can't
the Romance of Twilight into the Bedroom - Exploring How
To Ignite The Passion
Many people tell their significant other that they
love one another all the time. In fact, I personally
say it instead of goodnight or good-bye when I speak
with my husband as I always want it to be the last
thing he hears me say. However, what is even more
powerful, is when one of us has a "moment,"
when we just step out of our daily grind for a minute
and really just let ourselves become overwhelmed with
love for the other. My husband and I don't hesitate
to run over and hug the other and tell each other
what we are feeling and just kiss one another. It
is one way that we keep our passion ignited.
Quotation from Edward In Twilight:
you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night.
Very dark, but there were stars, points of light
and reason. And then you shot across my sky
like a meteor. Suddenly, everything was on fire,
there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When
you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over
the horizon, everything went black. Nothing
had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the
light. I couldn't see stars anymore. And there
was no more reason for anything."
way we can express our love is through small gestures
every day. One of the things my husband always does
for me is gives me the best of whatever there is...
for example, if he is making a meal and there is a
choice of a juicier tomato or better made pancake,
he always gives it to me. He still does that for me
after all our years of marriage and it brings a tear
to my eye just to share that with you.
be shy, we have but one life to live, and all our
moments count. Express your love.
kills romance faster than taking someone for granted
and that can easily be created by getting stuck in
monotonous routines. Make sure that you bring awareness
to the true passions you have for life and for your
with yourself is important, as it is when we feel
that we are not living our life by giving passionately
to and of ourselves, that we can easily numb ourselves
to receiving love as well. Dare to ask yourself what
is important to you in this short life and like a
bucket list, start making steps toward fulfillment
of them. Share them with your partner and ask them
to explore their own passions. Then hold hands and
take flight in making those things happen.
Do not underestimate how much respect, appreciation
and love can be shown through chivalry. A simple gesture
can show adoration, such as opening a car door, making
sure she has a coat when it is cold and pulling her
chair out for her.
I like to show my husband those types of gestures
of affection as well... nothing says to my husband,
that I care about him, like putting a warm blanket
on him when he is watching TV or opening the door
for him. Don't forget it should go both ways.
On Verbal Dates
Don't forget about the importance of just the two
of you. Dates are meant to help you connect with one
another and going to dinner and a movie is nice, but
one of my favorite kind of dates is simply curling
up with my husband and just talking. We are always
making each other laugh and there is nothing better
to spark intimacy when we just talk to one another
about anything and everything.
couples actually find they stop talking to their significant
other like they would a friend. It is important to
treat your partner as a friend not just a lover. Remember
to tell one another about things you experience, dream
about, feel and desire and never stop making one another
laugh and have fun.
My hubby and I joked about how much staring there
was in the first movie and we have begun these comedic,
smoldering looks from across a room to make each other
laugh. Sometimes, we do a staring standoff or when
my husband does it, I laugh and say in a naughty tone,
"You want to bite me don't you?"
recently, when we were discussing me writing this
article, we agreed often times, in a long-term relationship,
you forget to really look at one another in their
eyes and do what many call soul-gazing as used in
Tantric Soul Gazing, it is believed that the eyes
are the gateway to the soul. Quick tips to soul gazing,
which can be done during sex or during sexual activity:
you mind and focus on your breath and the love you
feel for your partner. Slowly breath in and out in
a rhythmic fashion. With you left eye, look into your
partner's left eye and let your right eye relax. To
feel the energetic connection you make with one another,
move closer and further away and become aware of the
change in connection you feel. Do this for as long
as you desire, but know that the power of your mind
to let go and completely surrender yourself to your
partner will make all the difference.
& Get Creative
Many couples have a hard time getting creative in the
bedroom, not just because they do not know the latest
sexual positions or sex techniques (which you can read
all about through our sex
technique articles), but it is the fear of breaking
out of the norm that keeps them from letting go. I am
not suggesting that you delve into whips and chains,
although that could be really hot ;-)... what I am suggesting
is that you let go of worrying so much. Let go of being
self conscious, how else are you going to know what
unconditional love is, if you cannot fully be yourself
around your partner? If sex scares you, start off small.
Make a project of drawing, painting, or even sculpting
a sensual piece of art. Write a poem, song or do any
other creative thing that appeals to you with the intention
of making it sensually creative and then share it with
your partner. You may find that is really all it takes
to get things moving toward getting hot and heavy.
All Else Fails
Buy a Volvo S60R or C30, gold contacts, pour glitter
on yourself and your lover, stare at them for long times,
slowly kiss them until you just can't help giving them
was researching the Twilight series, I came across two sexual
products related to it and of course they are not endorsed
in anyway by anyone working with the Twilight series.
first product, I found out about was through an interview
that Robert Pattinson (who plays Edward) had. He was discussing
some of the weird products that are being marketed with
his image on them. He laughed and said that there was someone
pushing "Twilight Glitter Lube." I have to say
he seemed to have a rather good sense of humor about it
and found the whole Edward Cullen Glitter Lubricant idea
of curiosity, I looked for who was trying to pass this crazy
idea off and thankfully, I could not find it. All I can
say about Glitter lube, if you find it, avoid it! Personal
lubricants with any type of glitter would not be advised
for good sexual health. I do not want to even think about
how one would get it out or what kind of toxins it may have
in it and I am not referring to vampire toxins.
is nontoxic hair and body glitter that works well and we
have that offered below. You use this, special Twilight
contacts and you are good to go. You may want to blast
the song Supermassive Black Hole by Muse or if you are in
a more contemplative mood, the Van Morrison style Robert
Pattinson song - Never Think. :-)
second product is a sparkly white dildo called the Vamp
by Tantus. Tantus is a solid sex toy company; they make
high quality, medical grade silicone sex toys and I felt
a little mixed about the whole idea of a dildo that sparkled
like a vampire. However, for those who crave adventure I
can tell you that if you want one, we are offering it below
just for this article.
products are only offered on this page as they are specific
to the Twilight article-
note that as mentioned in the article above, these ARE NOT official
Twilight products. So, if you were thinking that Robert Pattinson
signed off on an Edward Cullen Dildo, you would not only be
mistaken, but may have fallen off a cliff into the ocean of
are offering these products with a HUGE sense of humor and hope
that you get a kick out of them as we did. Honestly, adding
the vampire sparkly dildo to our site is one of the funniest
things we have ever done.
Vamp by Tantus is made from 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone
and retains hot and cold temperature.
Length: 6 3/4"
Insertable: 6 1/4"
Twilight vampires do not have fangs, you can always add
for a cool effect. These snap on teeth use a patented molding
system ensures a perfect fit that will not interrupt your
speech and are made with a safe, Nontoxic dental material.
They are easy to use and are reusable.
like a Vampire with this nontoxic Stardust Glitter. Comes
in a 2-ounce plastic jar. The glitter can easily be applied
to the skin or hair. The special formula lasts for hours
and washes off easily.
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