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Senior Sex / Boomer Sex
Sex After the Age of 50

Sex does not end at fifty, nor should it. Youth has no superiority over senior sex, it is simply different.

Men and women can both enjoy a new world of sexuality often overlooked in youth. Healthy seniors tend to be more at ease with themselves, their body image and where they are in their life which can lead to out of this world sex.

Focusing on the art of sex through a higher level of sexual education can feed the creative juices for seniors. Using Tantra, Kama Sutra and other forms of sexual techniques while utilizing products designed to make senior sex easier can be just what makes sex over fifty beyond fabulous.

Lisa Lawless
By Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality Expert

CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS

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What Are The Challenges Of Senior Sex?

Aging Sex Myths

Men may assume that as they age, they will simply be able to rely on Viagra to help them through any problems they may experience. However, Viagra only works on 2/3rds of men who use it, and can't always overcome medical and psychological aspects that may be the cause of sexual dysfunction. It is important for men to understand that just like women, they will need to be educated about their sexuality, what health factors influence it, and what they can do to improve it.

On the other hand a common scenario for women is that they often buy into the false premise that with menopause comes an automatic decline in sexual desire. If her male partner believes this as well he may hesitate initiating intimacy and in turn the woman can misinterpret that as lack of interest on his part. She may, consequently back away herself. This kind of false assumption can lead to intimacy problems within the relationship all because of a belief that is outdated.

It is important that both men and women communicate not just with their physicians about their sexual functioning but also their partners as it is quite possible for most seniors to have a rich and fulfilling sex life solo or with a partner.

Society’s Perception

National surveys are now reporting that the public's perceptions have begun to change about older women. Women over 50 are beginning to be seen to be just as beautiful as those under 30 and women over 50 agree with 91% of women over 50 who are happy with their looks.

Research by Allure Magazine looked at modern attitudes about beauty, confidence and success. Surprisingly it is not plastic surgery that is making the shift in attitude... their study revealed that 66 percent of men opposed their lovers getting plastic surgery.

There is a shift in looking at how to approach aging, with today's older Americans more active, whether it's working a job, volunteering or traveling. Today, they are more vital and active because of advances in medicine, psychology, and holistic health.

With baby boomers coming into their sixties, more seniors are standing up to show themselves for the viable, seasoned, beautiful people that they are. If someone sees aging as depressing, hopeless and a sad state of being... then it will be, if they choose to see aging as a rich and fulfilling part of their life's adventure then it will be. Life is what we make it, and starting with a proactive approach to anything in life is how to make it fulfilling.

Seniors today are taking more control of their lives than ever before and senior sex is not only on the rise, but getting even better.

Senior Sexual Health

It is true that conditions such as heart problems, high blood pressure, diabetes and other chronic illnesses can put a damper on sexuality. This can also occur with medication side effects. However, this again is why it is important to communicate with one's physician, ask questions and become educated on how to manage such medical obstacles while still achieving a healthy sex life.

Looking at AARP's recent study, Sexuality at Mid-life and Beyond confirms that relationships and sexuality remain important throughout life, thus sexual functioning is an important issue for seniors.

Quality of life is deeply affected by sexual health. When men experience softer erections, erectile dysfunction and a loss of desire it can affect their sense of self esteem and even their sense of being a man. When a women experiences vaginal dryness, clitoral desensitization and loss of desire it can not only affect how she feels about sex, but also create painful sexual experiences which will make sex even more undesirable.

Medications, health conditions and illness can affect your sexual drive. If you have questions about how prescriptions will affect senior sexuality, check with your physician or pharmacist. If you notice sexual problems, seek medical advice to rule out serious conditions and to find resources on how to address them. Your health care provider may be able to help you stay fit and active, as long as you're willing to talk about what's bothering you.

Women's Sexual Health

A woman's sexual health is not only affected by physical factors, but is also impacted by her psychological approach to aging. It is very important to remember that how you approach aging is a crucial part of how it will play out.

Remember that the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health of someone is all interconnected. If you take care of yourself physically, emotionally and mentally you will have a better and more fulfilling sex life for yourself and with a partner.

If you are a woman there are some age related physical changes that may affect you sexually such as menopause and reduced estrogen levels. As you age, sex can become uncomfortable and in some cases even painful.

As you age, your vagina will lose elasticity. This means that it will not stretch easily. You will also find that it takes longer for you to lubricate even when you are sexually aroused. In some situations, you may experience a sense of burning and even some bleeding from the friction of sexual intercourse. Increasing the length of foreplay, using vibrators to speed up the arousal process and using waterbased lubricants are all ways that can help to make a difference. In addition, you can also look into using an estrogen cream, estrogen ring or other estrogen replacement treatment to help regulate your body's hormones. This is something that should be discussed with a physician.

One thing to keep in mind is that the old adage of 'use it or lose it,' applies in that having sex regularly will actually help you to maintain your ability to lubricate and have elasticity. If you have not had sex in a while, it may take your vagina a while to accommodate a penis. In some cases, you may want to use a vaginal dilator which will help you prepare. Also see our article on Vaginismus for more information on causes of vaginal tightening and bleeding.

Men's Sexual Health

For men, it may take longer to achieve an erection as you age. In addition to this, you may find that they do not last as long or are as firm as they once were. In addition, your ability to get an erection after you have had an ejaculation may take much longer than it used to. You should speak frankly with your partner about this as it is completely normal. Using things like penis rings, penis pumps and the combination of the two can be helpful.

If you are having difficulty with impotence, you should speak with your doctor as you may find that it is being caused by a health issue and it is important to rule that out.

Seniors & STDs

Though single baby boomers are having sex regularly, only 39 percent invariably use protection, according to the AARP study. "To me, those are pretty alarming figures," says Linda Fisher, AARP's research director. Many boomers just don't have a sense of danger about sex. They came from an age before the HIV epidemic and never learned how to negotiate condom use or testing with their partners. The number of new HIV infections among older women is rising rapidly: between 1998 and 2000, women's share of AIDS cases among those 50 and older nearly doubled, from 8.9 percent to 15 percent.

Thus, it is especially important that seniors be educated on STDs and the risks that come with them. After all, physical aging can be hard enough.

Psychological Stress

Fear of aging, loss and death are fairly common from time to time in most people, however if these fears are dwelled upon they can wreak havoc on the psyche. This in turn affects sexual functioning as the mind and body are very much interconnected. Loss of sexual desire as well as ability to perform from erectile dysfunction to vaginal dryness can occur.

An interesting study recently showed that men who were treated for Erectile Dysfunction in turn helped their female partners sexual functioning. Even though their female partners had previously been suffering from loss of sexual desire and vaginal dryness, once the men were treated the women's physiology changed. The women showed physiological changes in lubrication, orgasm and arousal. One might conclude that feeling desired is an important aspect of sexual functioning.

Changes in aging can decrease your interest in sex. This can make it more difficult to become aroused and can even come between you and your partner in an emotional way. Stress from performance anxiety can affect your self esteem and make you start to feel that you are unworthy of your partner's affections. The best way to address these problems is through honest and open communication. It is important to express the anxiety that you are feeling. In a good relationship it is all right to ask for and accept reassurance from your partner. The two of you can work on ways to decrease the stress, have a sense of humor about it and explore sexual products that may help you as well.

Stressful Living Arrangements, Divorce & Death

Many people assume that seniors are free to focus on themselves, without kids in the house. However, some still have teenagers or even adult children still living at home and some have aging parents. Sandwiched in like this can make time for passion more complicated while trying to cope with maturing children’s and aging parent’s needs.

If this is the case, then a couple or individual must dedicate time just for themselves. Even if it is as simple as a nice, long, hot bath. Add some waterproof sex toys in there for good measure and you have got a mini vacation.

The other end of the spectrum is that some seniors are widowed or divorced and find themselves single again. This is a wonderful time for men and women to spend time experimenting with masturbation and educating themselves on sexuality so that they can provide themselves with sexual experiences they may have missed in their youth.

As baby boomers turn 60 more of them are single and while this generation's search for love and relationships is not new, what has changed is how they meet and why they date. Senior dating web sites are a hot trend with many web sites devoted to helping seniors find like minded partners.

Helpful Suggestions

Toss out any old preconceived ideas about giving up on sex as you age. That is utter nonsense. Seniors are fully capable of enjoying sexual pleasures that could put even their younger counter parts to shame. With viagra, hormone therapy, sex toys, manuals, how-to DVDs and pornography there are a lot more resources available to seniors than ever before.

New Sexual Communication For Older Couples

Couples most often feel comfortable discussing their finances, taxes and death, but many feel uncomfortable talking about sex. These couples may feel ashamed or embarrassed discussing their sexual desires, fantasies and questions, and often do not know how to broach the subject with their partners.

However, this communication is an important way for seniors to find physical intimacy in new ways and sometimes needed ways later in life. Using articles, television shows, etc. are a good way to begin sexual discussions as a general topic and then leading it into more specific sharing.

How do most seniors get assistance with their sexual questions?

According to a study by the AARP, more people now report consulting health professionals than any other single source of information (37% up from 26% in 1999). Books were the top choice in 1999 and now place second at 30%.

More than twice as many men as in 1999 report ever using some type of drugs or treatments to address problems with sexual performance (22 percent, up from 10% in 1999).

Becoming A Creative Sexual Senior


Sexual positions can make a big difference as you age. Often times sexual positions that you did in your youth create strain on you now. Strain and discomfort will affect your ability to sexually perform and it is why it is a good idea to give yourself the proper support you need to make sex pleasurable and creative.

Liberator Bedroom Gear

Even more impressive for seniors are the Liberator shapes that make positioning easier.

See examples of sexual positions using the Liberator Shapes.

If erectile dysfunction is an issue, you may want to try sex with the woman on top as this allows for less of a need for the penis to be full erect. You can also look into using strap ons, cockrings and other sexual enhancement products that will help make the penis more stiff.

Using Creativity

The senior years can be a wonderful time of sexual sharing. Explore sexual play beyond intercourse by holding one another, sensual touching and kissing to share passionate feelings. Try experimenting with oral sex (Fellatio & Cunnilingus), anal play, prostate massage and masturbation as ways to sexually connect. If you are creative enough you will find all kinds of sensual ideas to make your bedroom hot and spicy.


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