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Sex for Women
Causes & Suggestions For Pain During
are a few reasons that sex can be painful for women and in this
article we will review a variety of causes along with suggestions
on how to overcome the cause of the pain for a healthy and happy
sex life. The
most common reasons sex can be painful for women are that the
vaginal walls are too tight, dry or tense to allow for penetration.
When this occurs, it can cause anything from a slight discomfort
to extreme pain and may even cause vaginal tearing and bleeding.
are some chronic vaginal pain caused by autoimmune related diagnoses
such as vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis that are often dismissed
by physicians as symptoms of menopause and psychological problems
when in fact they are not and many times women are not given
solutions that are helpful let alone a factual explanation for
what is happening. This article will provide some information
that is not commonly reviewed due to the lack of interest in
giving women's sexuality the study and attention it deserves.
Lisa S. Lawless, Ph.D.
Psychotherapist & Sexuality
CEO & Founder of
Holistic Wisdom, Inc. & NAASAS
Copyright © Holistic Wisdom, Inc.
people make the assumption that only women who have not had intercourse
(virgins) can have pain during sex and related difficulties, however,
many women even after having sex for many years or even having had
a child can experience these issues. This is especially true for
those who have had a Cesarean section, have been sexually inactive
or have other health related causes for vaginal pain.
some cases, there are multiple issues that can contribute to vaginal
pain rather than just one cause. This is important for women to
understand as they may need to determine and treat all of the factors
that are contributing to the pain. For example, if a woman experiences
pain from something such as vulvodynia, she may stop having sex
because the discomfort level is too high. This in turn can contribute
to a woman also developing vaginismus (an involuntary muscular contraction
caused by the anticipation of pain). Furthermore, the inactivity
of penetration can cause the vaginal opening to re-tighten (especially
in women whom have not had intercourse or have had C-sections) causing
even more pain when attempted.
One of the most
effective tools in a situation like the one explained above is the
use of a dilator which provides mild stretching of the vaginal walls
to keep them pliable and able to withstand penetration. Using a
dilator or speculum can help
with any added anticipation of pain as well to prevent the vaginal
opening from becoming too tight. In these cases, regular stretching
of the vagina is important as inactivity will cause it to revert
to a more closed state along with increased pain. It is also encouraged
for women to stimulate her clitoris by rubbing it with her finger
or even through using a vibrator for clitoral stimulation before
using a dilator or speculum as it will help the vagina to dilate
and lubricate in preparation for the penetration of the dilator.
Finally, it is also important to look at health through medication
side effects, allergies and sensitivities, nutritional intake and
detoxifying the body which we will explore further in this article.
If the vagina
is very tight, using a dilator or speculum should be done daily
in small increments using ample lubricant. Full results can take
a couple of weeks to a few months depending on the severity of the
pain, contractions and tightening of the opening and vaginal walls.
The good news is that after time, most women have seen remarkable
results by using this method to stretch the vaginal opening and
walls as well as reduce pain.
best done alone without the added sexual pressure of a partner's
needs; however, if a woman is comfortable with having her partner
there, her partner can help. The important thing is not to have
any sexual expectation to ensure she is relaxed. Many women find
that doing stretching exercises in a warm bath or shower helps to
further relax them.
Causes for Vaginal Pain during Sex
are a variety of things that can cause pain during sex, therefore,
it is always a good idea to rule out health issues with a physician
first. Examples of things that can cause painful sex-
or Irritated Cervix
(Lichen Sclerosus et Atrophicus)
Caused by Vaginal Dryness
dryness can be caused by variety of factors such as hormone
changes, loss of libido, cigarette smoking, hormone therapy,
chemotherapy, prescription medications, douching, menopause
and more. One
of the healthiest natural lubricants is organic coconut oil
as it naturally fights against yeast and bacterial infections
and is quite effective in providing lubrication. However, be
aware that using oil as a lubricant can break down diaphragms,
condoms and some sex toys. If you use such items, then it will
be best to use a paraben free waterbased lubricant.
Nutritional Assistance for a Healthy Vagina
in mind that your nutritional intake influences your sexual functioning
and if you are experiencing vaginal dryness, you may want to increase
your intake of certain foods and supplements. It may be in your best
interest to have a full blood analysis done to determine your hormone
levels, micronutrient levels and even an anemia / iron panel done to
determine what nutrients you are deficient in and what may be contributing
to any vaginal discomfort and pain. Do not underestimate the power of
what you eat when it comes to your sexual functioning as it can make
or break your ability to not only be sexually active but your health
in general. For example, one of the most common vitamin deficiencies
in pre-menopausal women is an iron deficiency. This can cause heavier
periods, increased cramping, loss of sex drive, loss of sexual arousal
and lubrication as well as vaginal pain. However, taking an iron supplement
if you are not deficient can cause serious health problems; so again,
it is a good idea to have your blood work done to review the nutritional
issues that may be causing problems.
are some examples of food that you may find helpful for vaginal pain-
vaginal dryness is simply a part of being dehydrated.
Seeds, Vegetable Oils & Vitamin E - Oils
such as these help increase vaginal secretions allowing for more ease
in creating natural lubrication. Examples of food that are loaded
with healthy oils are raw pumpkin seeds, flaxseed, almonds, pecans,
wheat germ oil, sunflower seeds and safflower oil. Seeds are best
eaten when they are raw after having been soaked in water for several
hours and then dried in a dehydrator to activate the full nutrients
of the seeds.
These can increase estrogen levels. Some women use wild yam creams
for vaginal dryness.
Native Americans have long been using Black Cohosh to treat gynecological
issues in women. It has known for reducing the frequency as well as
the severity of irregular periods, hot flashes, headaches, night sweets,
heart palpitations and vaginal dryness
have found that taking this herb in a capsule form helped to alleviate
vaginal dryness when taken over a 24 week period.
This is rich in vitamins E, A, and C, minerals, beta-carotene, fatty
acids and amino acids; it is used for vaginal dryness as it helps
to protect the mucus membranes.
- Soy mimics
estrogen and has been shown to assist women having perimenopausal
and menopausal symptoms from hot flashes to vaginal dryness. There
has been controversy about soy and we have put together a helpful
article about the health benefits
and warnings of soy here.
Pain Caused by the Hymen
the case of losing one's virginity, the pain is typically caused by
the breaking of the hymen, which
is a thin layer of skin that covers the vaginal opening. The hymen can
cover the vaginal opening a little or a lot and can have multiple openings.
Sometimes, the hymen can be completely closed. This is called an imperforate
hymen. When this occurs it is important to have a Gynecologist help
to open the hymen to allow menstrual blood to be able to drain properly.
Signs that a hymen is closed are severe menstrual cramping without any
signs of menstrual bleeding as well as not being able to insert a finger
or tampon into the vagina. If this is the problem, a Gynecologist can
perform a very simple surgery by making an incision to open up the hymen.
Pain Caused by Inactivity
may stop being sexually active for a variety of reasons such as a lack
of a relationship, illness, surgery, etc. and the longer sex is refrained
from the easier it is for the vaginal opening to become tight and resistant
to penetration. This is typically and easily overcome by stretching
the vaginal opening and ensuring that sufficient lubricant is used.
a dilator or speculum has been
shown to help keep the vaginal opening and walls comfortable with penetration.
Pain Caused by Low Estrogen Levels Not Caused by Menopause
people assume that low estrogen levels happen only in women who are
going through menopause; however, there are other factors that can contribute
to low levels. In younger women, this can often be seen in those who
partake in excessive exercise, have too little body fat and struggles
with an eating disorder. The low levels of estrogen can cause vaginal
atrophy (a.k.a. atrophic vaginitis) which is when the vaginal walls
become thinner and the surrounding tissue shrinks. It also decreases
the production of lubrication and can cause, vaginal itching, soreness,
pain during sex and bleeding after sex. Working with your medical professional
to balance your hormone levels can be helpful through a variety of medical
treatments and lifestyle changes.
can occur at any age and is not related to menopause. It is often misdiagnosed
as vaginal dryness, psychological issues and other non-related causes.
Vulvodynia is the pain felt in the vaginal area which can feel like
itching, nerve pain and burning when touched or stimulated and can be
constant or intermittent pain ranging from being mild to excruciating
lasting 6 months of longer. The medical community is generally still
in the dark as to the cause but some research has suggested that allergies,
excessive histamine, autoimmune disease, physical trauma, childbirth,
surgery, neurological conditions, fibromyalgia or chronic fatigue syndrome
can trigger the onset.
are two types of vulvodynia-
vulvodynia is when a woman feels pain in different areas of the
vulva (outside external area of the vagina) at different times. Vulvar
pain may be constant or occur on occasion. Pressure against it may make
the pain worse and can make sitting, riding a bike and sexual activities
vestibulitis is a syndrome where the pain in the entrance (vestibule)
inside the vagina. It often is in a patch or band around the vaginal
walls and is typically only an inch or two inside the opening. It is
often seen as a slightly more pink or red patch and creates a burning
sensation when stretched from insertion of tampons, sex toys or penis.
It is particularly painful to have sexual penetration with this type
Pain Through Stretching Exercises
a dilator or speculum has been
shown to help reduce the intensity of symptoms over time through reports
by many of our clients. Typically results are seen after 1- 3 months
of using them on a daily basis. Using them in the shower or bath with
organic coconut oil is one of the more popular ways to do these stretching
exercises. When you use lubricants, we recommend using only waterbased,
paraben free lubricants.
these stretching exercises will help reduce pain, keep your vagina from
tightening and allow sex to be less painful we HIGHLY recommend the
reevaluation of one's diet with this condition as it can dramatically
and quickly deal with many of the autoimmune symptoms women may suffer
from when dealing with vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis.
can also look for other symptoms of excess histamine reactions in the
body to determine if this may be a factor within a vulvodynia diagnosis-
or pain of the skin especially around the eyes, ears, and nose
swelling especially of the hands, inside of mouth, throat and
(low blood pressure)
(increased pulse or the feeling of your heart racing)
and feelings of panic
- Chest pain
- Nasal congestion
and runny nose
(irritated, watery, reddened eyes)
- Small blackouts
that last for a few seconds.
addition, you can look for other symptoms of autoimmune reactions in
the body to determine if this may be a factor within a vulvodynia diagnosis.
Autoimmune diseases are influenced by a variety of factors such as bacterial
or viral infections, prescription and illicit drugs, chemical toxins,
environmental pollutants. They most commonly affect the joints and muscles,
skin, red blood cells, blood vessels and connective tissue. Here are
just a few examples of the over 80 different types of autoimmune diagnoses-
and Vulvar Vestibulitis
Disease and Ulcerative Colitis
to Detoxify & Heal Autoimmune Responses
of the most annoying things about having vulvodynia and vulvar
vestibulitis is that most articles and doctors will tell you there
is little to nothing that can be done. We say that is false, there
are some things that you can do and that can give you permanent
healing. The good news is that anyone can do it and it is free.
is a helpful book called Fasting and Eating for Health- A Medical
Doctor's Program for Conquering Disease by Joel Fuhrman, M.D.
that outlines great results through fasting and nutritional changes.
To summarize, the book explains that the body reacts against unwanted
invaders such as a virus, bacteria and toxins by attempting to
attack them and remove them from the body. In these cases, the
body reacts with inflammation in a variety of body parts but particularly
affected are the skin (through rashes) and the mucous membranes
of the nose, throat, sinuses, lungs, vagina and rectum.
example, vaginitis or prostatitis may be associated with the overgrowth
of infectious microbes. However, because most physicians cannot
identify these to explain such symptoms they are often unable
to help. It certainly explains the lack of knowledge the medical
community still has with regard to vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis.
is fairly typical for vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis patients
to end up going to many doctors and getting no help or answers
on what can be done. However, Dr. Fuhrman has seen recovery from
simply detoxifying the body through fasting and then starting
a healthy diet.
fasting recommendations are 48 hours for women and 72 hours for
men while drinking only water during the fast. It is not recommended
to fast longer than this unless you are under the care of a physician
so that they can determine how your body is handling the fast.
However, we always recommend first discussing this with your doctor
as some people should not fast unless supervised by their doctor
such as AIDS patients. Dr. Fuhrman's book does indicate that some
of the more severe cases can fast for 3-5 weeks drinking a minimum
of a quart of water per day to see results, but again, this must
be doctor supervised. The good news is that these healing results
have been shown to be permanent after a fast.
fasting? Simply put, it allows your body to detoxify and heal
on a level that it cannot when you are eating food because when
you eat your body is always applying that cellular energy to digesting
and processing food rather than being able to completely heal
your body especially with health issues like autoimmune diseases,
leaky gut, migraines, heart disease and more. When the body is
allowed to put cellular efforts elsewhere it is able to heal itself.
Smoothie & Lemonade Tea
For those of you who have been asking me for my green smoothie
recipe that I have every morning. I make two servings and
have one in the morning and one for lunch so you can half
this recipe below if you are going to just make one. To
make life easier I already have the powders, hemp seeds,
etc. in little Tupperware containers that I fill many of
every few weeks to have on hand and make my morning routine
easier. I fill my 64 oz blender to the rim with greens which
will give you all the greens you need in a day as you can
Cups Unsweetened Cashew or Almond Milk
Large Package of Super Greens
(Kale, Spinach, Chard, etc.)
Package of Frozen Organic Mixed Berries
Matcha Green Tea Powder 1 tbsp
Ultra Concentrated Black Elderberry Extract Syrup 1 tbsp
Goji Powder 1/2 tsp
Maqui Powder 1/2 tsp
Pomegranate Powder 1/2 tsp
Hemp Seed Shelled & Raw 1
White Stevia Pure Extract 1/2 tsp
Organic Cocoa Powder
tsp Organic Tea White Peony 1/2 tsp
tea is very tart and sweet and a pleasure to have throughout
the day. To make it I use a
blend of Blueberry, Jasmine, Peach tea with freshly squeezed
lemons to drink throughout the day as well. I use Stash
tea brand and for each container I make I use 3 tea bags
blueberry, 2 bags green jasmine tea and 1 peach, mixed with
1 tsp NuStevia White Stevia Pure Extract and 1 cup
of freshly squeezed lemon juice. Note- I like intense sweet
and sour so you may want to take it down a notch with less
lemon juice and stevia if you like a more mild flavor.
Fuhrman recommends only water during a fast as anything else (such a
juice, herbs, vitamins) will keep the body from completely fulfilling
the process where the body is able to deplete glycogen reserves and
allow the liver to produce large quantities of ketones which simply
put helps breakdown fatty tissue and remove atheromas and toxins in
the body which may spark reactions like generalized vulvodynia and vulvar
you decide you want to fast, we recommend that you have a plan in place
before you begin. This means, discussing this with your doctor, having
someone who can monitor you if you need help, making sure that you are
able to rest during a fast and that you restrict your activity. Finally
we recommend that you have a nutritionally dense diet planned that you
follow up with after the fast. It is important that you do not return
to eating large amounts right away, that you avoid salt, spicy foods
and other things that may upset your stomach after a fast. Having a
few bites of watermelon or sipping on a green smoothie are examples
of what may be best to start with after a fast.
example of someone with excessive histamine was seen in the movie Fat,
Sick and Nearly Dead when the star of the movie Joe Cross had such
reactions and was being treated with steroids. After he changed his
diet to a healthy one, all symptoms disappeared and he no longer needed
medication. This can happen in women and it can affect the vagina as
friction to the skin is typically what stimulates the histamine reactions
and pain in autoimmune reactions and vaginal penetration is a form of
friction. Please note that we do not recommend juicing or juice diets
like the one outlined in the movie Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead
because the fiber is important to consume so blending smoothies is better
when you want to drink your food. We highly recommend green smoothies
(using dark leafy greens and berries) at least once a day.
that are particularly powerful and negative in the way they impact autoimmune
and histamine levels are cheeses, vinegar, alcohol, pickled vegetables
such as sauerkraut, fermented soy and processed meats such a lunch meats,
hot dogs, etc. In addition to diet, looking at any medications one is
taking is important as common pain killers such as aspirin, anti-inflammatory
drugs (NSAIDs) as well as some antibiotics, diuretics, and antidepressants
can affect histamine levels.
general approach to healthy eating is making sure to eat nutrient dense
foods to provide your body with the fuel it needs to not just survive
but thrive. The most honest, fact and science based books that we recommend
are any of those written by Joel
Fuhrman M.D. We recommend the book Super Immunity for those
looking to improve their health and Eat to Live and The End
of Dieting for those looking to improve health and lose weight.
There is also a great cookbook that he has (although there are recipes
in the back of most of his books) called The Eat to Live Cookbook.
Those who are familiar with Dr. Fuhrman's work know he calls eating
this way being a nutritarian and primarily recommends eating greens,
beans, onions, mushrooms, berries and seeds or as he likes to use the
acronym - GBOMBS.
author we highly recommend is Michael Greger, M.D. whose book How
Not To Die is exceptional and quite informative. He also has a great
website called nutritionfacts.org
for nutritional information.
summarize, using a dilator, changing
your diet and using fasting as a tool may be the best and most permanent
ways to heal vulvodynia and vulvar vestibulitis.
diagram above shows the tightening of the pelvic floor
muscles which result in extreme tightness of the vagina.
This in turn causes painful sex and in some very extreme
cases can make it impossible to penetrate the vaginal
causes a great deal of pain for the woman that has it and is
caused by involuntary contractions of the pelvic floor muscles
surrounding the vagina. It makes for painful sex and makes vaginal
penetration extremely challenging. We will spend some time covering
this in this article as it can often become a secondary reason
why a woman has painful sex. As mentioned before, she may have
something that initially causes the pain that goes away or is
ongoing but later also develops vaginismus because of the initial
good news is that it is easy to treat and the rate of successful
treatment is very high. It does require stretching exercises
and they are imperative in order to treat this medical condition.
you can review the causes as well as how to easily treat Vaginismus
along with some helpful products we carry that can help with
the stretching exercises. If you or someone you love suffers
from vaginismus, please know that there is no reason why you
cannot have a great sex life and overcome this medical problem.
is a main cause of sexless and unconsummated relationships.
The tightening of the pelvic muscles cause the vaginal opening
to become painfully tight and in some cases impenetrable. A
woman, in the case of vaginismus, cannot control the tightness
as it is an involuntary response.
a woman may not even know it is happening until she attempts
to have sexual intercourse, insert a tampon or sex toy. When
this happens, the pain from penetration is often a combination
of a dull muscle ache along with mild to intense burning and
stinging where the friction is occurring. The pain goes away
shortly after intercourse or penetration ceases. It can be an
ongoing condition that has to be regularly treated, however,
it can also be treated and sometimes go away afterward. It can
happen to any woman, even those who have had children by means
of vaginal birth.
is a medical condition. It has various possible causes as well
as things that may influence its development as shown below.
However, there is currently not a complete understanding on
what specifically causes it.
feel strongly that the medical community should do further research
on this sexual disorder that affects so many women and are encouraging
this to occur through medical practitioners as well as helping
sex toy manufacturers to provide more helpful products for this
Urinary tract infections or urination problems, yeast infections,
sexually transmitted diseases, Endometriosis, genital or pelvic
tumors, cysts, cancer, vulvodynia / vestibulodynia, pelvic inflammatory
disease, lichen planus, lichen sclerosus, eczema, psoriasis, vaginal
prolapse, pelvic scarring, gastrointestinal disorders and more.
Menopause and hormonal changes, vaginal dryness / inadequate lubrication,
Pain from normal or difficult vaginal deliveries and complications,
c-sections, miscarriages, etc.
Any type of pelvic surgery, difficult pelvic examinations, or
other pelvic trauma.
Side-effects may cause pelvic pain.
Vaginismus Psychological Influences
vaginismus is a medical condition, in some cases it can be brought
on by psychological stressors. Some of the various psychological causes
are as shown below-
Fear or anticipation of intercourse pain, fear of not being completely
physically healed following pelvic trauma, fear of tissue damage
(i.e.. "Being torn"), fear of getting pregnant, concern that a
pelvic medical problem may reoccur, etc.
General anxiety, performance pressures, previous unpleasant sexual
experiences, negativity toward sex, guilt, emotional traumas,
or other unhealthy sexual emotions
Pain from normal or difficult vaginal deliveries and complications,
c-sections, miscarriages, etc.
Any type of pelvic surgery, difficult pelvic examinations, or
other pelvic trauma
Physical attack, rape, sexual/physical abuse or assault
Abuse, emotional detachment, fear of commitment, distrust, anxiety
about being vulnerable, losing control, etc.
Assault & Abuse
Past emotional/sexual abuse, witness of violence or abuse, repressed
Overly rigid parenting, unbalanced religious teaching (i.e.."Sex
is BAD"), exposure to shocking sexual imagery, inadequate sex
Myths Regarding Vaginismus
From Being Frigid
Women who are having pain during sex are not frigid, and are experiencing
a real medical condition.
Will Go Away
Vaginismus will not go away on its own and does require treatment.
The sooner the better, as it will get worse if left untreated.
The most important thing to understand is that this is an treatable
condition and there are many women that have it and have overcome
Relaxing Will Help
Changing one's diet, relaxing through mediation, drinking a glass
of wine and even getting stimulated sexually will not make vaginismus
go away. While relaxing during sex is always a great idea, this
will not affect the muscles strong contraction as this is a medical
condition not a psychological one.
Is Supposed To Hurt
Sex should not cause unwanted pain (unless it is the first time)
and the hymen is being stretched or ripped for the first time.
If sex is painful on an ongoing basis, there is something wrong
and symptoms should be explored to determine what is going on.
Sex should be pleasurable.
Trying To Have Sex Despite The Pain
If you try and keep having sex without stretching and working
through this condition you will only traumatize the vagina and
cause a psychological resistance to sexual intercourse. It is
important to stop sexual intercourse until you can stretch the
vaginal muscles enough that it is comfortable.
Who Have It Have Been Sexually Abused
This is a myth as many women with no history of sexual abuse have
vaginismus. It is not a psychological condition, it is a physical
condition, that while be impacted by psychological conditions
is not caused by them.
Partner Is Too Big
Even if your partner is well endowed, it should not cause ongoing
pain, difficult entry and even bleeding after an initial acclimation
period. With vaginismus it will often be difficult for a man to
even enter the vagina without pain and that pain will continue
once he has entered.
Is The Answer
Absolutely not. Vaginismus cannot be corrected by surgery as it
is muscle contractions that cause it. There are some surgeries
that can correct a firm or thick hymen or other malformation of
the vaginal opening, but vaginismus is not one of them.
The key to treatment is to stretch the vaginal walls gradually.
Here are suggestions on how to do that-
- Use one's
lubricated finger to push slowly around the tight opening
with a firm, but not overwhelming push. Think of it as through
you are giving a pleasant massage. Pushing around in circles
can be helpful at first and then introducing two fingers slowly
and pushing in circles is a good idea.
- You can
also use sex toys that are specifically geared toward gradual
opening of the vagina as shown below. Using the graduated
dildos, speculums and balloons help the pressure against the
contracted muscles not feel overwhelming or painful. Products
shown at bottom of the page.
- If tightness
comes back, keep stretching to relieve the symptoms.
a dilator or speculum
can help with any added anticipation of pain as well to prevent
the vaginal opening from becoming too tight.
Do not go into stretching exercises with the goal of having
sexual intercourse right afterward until you have done it a
few times, especially if the vaginismus is severe. This will
put unnecessary psychological pressure on the woman and may
inhibit the stretching process.
to communicate with your partner what feels uncomfortable and
back off when there is pain.
While just relaxing will not make vaginismus go away; it can
help in the stretching process. Using things that help you relax,
like a massage, a hot bath, music, meditation, a glass of wine,
etc. are excellent in helping the treatment to be successful.
Stretching pelvic muscles through pelvic floor physical therapy,
gynecologic visceral manipulation, abdominal massage therapy
and acupuncture. A helpful site in finding a practitioner is
Some of the issues women can experience with vaginal discomfort
can be improved through better nutrition. A book we highly recommend
for healthy eating is by Joel
Fuhrman M.D. called Eat for Health as it talks
about what really matters when it comes to nutrition.
Switch to a hypoallergenic laundry detergent, cotton panties
and that you cut back on caffeine so you urinate less often
and irritate your vulva less.
addition to massage techniques that can relax the surrounding muscles
in the legs, hips and abdomen you can relax your Kegel (PC) muscles
as well. Here are some tips on how to do that-
yourself to do this in a relaxed setting such as your bedroom or
even in a nice bath
your bladder is empty, tighten your Kegel muscles as if you were
trying to stop urinating
and count to three
and stop squeezing
- With your finger
separate your vaginal lips (inner labia)
- Apply either
a paraben free lubricant or organic
coconut oil to the outside to make penetration easier
- Relax, breathe
and take your time inserting your finger, dilator
or dildo that you wish to use
- Make sure to
start with something small and that which you are comfortable
- The goal is to
get used to insertion not to begin stretching initially
- Squeeze the PC
muscles and tighten around your finger, dilator
and stop squeezing
- Wiggle it gently
side to side
- Repeat 10 times
- If squeezing
causes pain, then simply insert your finger, dilator
or dildo and just allow it to stay in place until you feel relaxed
and it is comfortable to have it inside you.
Once you have done
this for a week, move up in size by adding another finger, using a larger
part of your dilator or a larger dildo. It make take several weeks before
you are comfortable enough to move up in sizes, but take your time and
do not put pressure on yourself psychologically to move faster than
your body is ready. Play relaxing music, do it by candle light or whatever
else may relax you during these sessions. Allow yourself to listen to
your body and let this time be about healing for yourself. For this
reason we recommend doing these exercises alone as having a partner
present can be distracting and put unnecessary pressure on you to perform
help to gently stretch stressed vaginal muscles and allow for
the vaginal walls to relax and gradually make sex less painful
and more enjoyable.
sure that you are not only using lubricants that are nontoxic
but ones that can actually providing healing and promote increased
vaginal health. These can be used on a daily basis.
the strength of Kegel muscles helps to improve vaginal functioning,
sexual arousal and slows down the affects of vaginal aging.
help to increase blood flow the the vaginal area and increases
healing and sexual arousal and greatly assist in helping with
sex toys cleans helps to prevent bacteria and painful Urinary
sex position pillows can assist in making sexual intimacy more
comfortable, especially when there are issues like - arthritis,
joint pain, back pain and other issues related to aging or a disability.
Guide for Overcomng Painful Sex
of the best places to start is with a dilator to help get
you stretched and more comfortable with penetration. The
dilator that we most recommend is the Inspire which is made
with a soft yet firm silicone and features five sizes with
the smallest being about the size of your pinkie finger.
It does not vibrate, rather these are shafts that you simply
insert for vaginal stretching. They are great as they have
a taped end that allows for easy insertion and a slight
curve to fit you more naturally.
second thing to address with painful sex is often the accompaniment
of low sex drive, lack of blood flow to the vaginal area
and loss of the ability to climax easily. There are a few
sexual products we recommend and they are all vibrators
as these can dramatically increase blood flow.
may choose from clitoral
vibrators and even dual
stimulating vibrators. If you want our recommendation
for two of the best dual stimulating vibrators the Denia
and Rosa are really amazing.
are having difficulty having an orgasms, even with the help
of a vibrator, than you may want to explore the Womanizer
as a unique and powerful option.
third way to tackle painful sex is through nutrition. Please do
not underestimate how drastically nutrition can affect things
like autoimmune issues and hormone imbalances in the body that
directly affect your ability to have pain free sex but to also
enjoy it. As
mentioned above the most honest, fact and science based books
that we recommend are any of those written by Joel
Fuhrman M.D. We recommend the book Super Immunity for
those looking to improve their health and Eat to Live and
The End of Dieting for those looking to improve health
and lose weight. Also, Dr. Michael Greger who has a site called
NutritionFacts.org and a book called How Not to Die is
a really great resource.