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Single by Choice: Discovering Fulfillment Beyond Romantic Relationships

Dr. Lisa Lawless

Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert

heart made from roses

The Hidden Strengths Of Living Single

In our modern era, where the social narrative often revolves around finding 'the one,' there's a compelling counter-narrative that's gaining some traction, thanks to pioneers like Bella DePaulo. DePaulo is a seasoned social scientist and has spent decades studying a unique group she dubs 'single at heart.' Her insights challenge the conventional view of singlehood, painting a picture not of loneliness but of being single and fulfilled.

Being 'single at heart' isn't about the absence of relationships; it's about a deliberate choice to lead a life where being single is not just a default status but a preferred one. DePaulo's awesome work dives deep with thorough interviews and studies, showing us that many folks choose the single life for the amazing freedom it offers, not just because it's their only option.

Embracing this kind of freedom is so much more than just the joy of doing whatever you fancy, whenever you fancy it – though let's be honest, that's a pretty great perk. It's really about steering your life in the direction you choose, whether that's handling your finances in a way that makes sense to you, crafting your own traditions, or picking out the entertainment that makes you happy. It's all about living life on your own terms.

The Freedom That Being Single Provides

In a study spanning over 200,000 individuals across 30 European countries, both married and unmarried adults acknowledged the importance of individualistic freedoms like creativity and trying new things. But here's the kicker: it turns out that singles aren't just more into these individualistic freedoms - they're actually getting a bigger happiness boost from them. 

Let's talk about one of the really interesting parts of being single - solitude. It's easy to mix this up with feeling lonely, but for those who truly love being single, solitude is something special. It's not about being alone in a sad way; it's about enjoying your own company and finding peace in those quiet moments.

Taking some time for ourselves is not just a luxury; it's a necessity for anyone. It's about self-discovery, personal growth, and just taking a breather. And hey, science backs this up. Studies show that skipping out on some 'me time' can actually crank up our stress levels and leave us feeling depressed and anxious. 

Singles Are Often More Connected

But here lies the paradox: while single people deeply value their solitude, they are often more connected to a broader network of relationships compared to their married counterparts. This is because single individuals don't have the 'luxury' of a small social circle. They tend to build and maintain a diverse range of relationships, offering and receiving support in various forms.

DePaulo's work is a beacon of hope and affirmation for many who identify as 'single at heart.' It's not about what we're missing without a romantic partner; it's about what we might miss if we force ourselves into that mold when it is not right for us. By living according to someone else's version of a good life, we risk losing out on the chance to lead our most fulfilling lives.

In Closing

In a world that often equates singlehood with incompleteness, DePaulo's research is a refreshing reminder that, for many, being single is not just a status but a pathway to a more authentic and rewarding life.

So, if you're single and loving it, know that you're not alone – and that you might just be onto something profoundly fulfilling.

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