Trusted for 23+ Years
Sex & Spirituality
Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert
Making the Connection
It has been considered a spiritual act to engage in masturbation, intercourse, and other sexual behavior throughout different cultures and times. Love, respect, and spirituality can be found in all types of sexual relationships. While many sexual relationships can be experienced in life, as long as they embody integrity, good communication, and honesty, it can be a healthy sexual relationship that allows for spirituality to be experienced within it.
Practicing these values can make any sexual relationship fulfilling, no matter what the politically correct doctrine of society dictates. No single type of relationship is better than another. A sexual relationship is simply a choice. With that choice comes the opportunity to assume accountability responsibility and accept that in everything we do, including sex, there is an opportunity for spiritual growth and connection.
When we experience unhealthy sex, we are sure to find emotional and mental wounds that our soul is urging us to heal. Our soul wants us to become more whole within ourselves. Our sexual experiences provide an opportunity for us to reconnect with ourselves and experience the interconnectedness we have with others. Sexual experiences are a perfect opportunity to heal some of our inner wounds. When we seek these spiritual, sexual experiences, we can reconnect to our desires, sense of empowerment, and the pleasure of being alive.
When we feed into our insecurities, fear, anger, and other challenging emotions, we may begin to seek sexual experiences that are not spiritually rewarding. Sometimes our inner dysfunction is so powerful that we numb ourselves to spiritually rewarding sexual experiences and having physically, emotionally, and mentally rewarding sexual experiences.
If we allow ourselves to surrender our insecurities and hang-ups completely, then we can truly see our interconnectedness and sense spirituality within all things, including something so beautiful as healthy sex. We are granted an opportunity to see a sexual partner (whether in fantasy or reality) reflect aspects within ourselves. Sexuality is a quest for wholeness, and who we are within our sexuality mirrors who we are on many levels.
Psychologically and spiritually, whether we experience masturbation or sex acts, we are being called to integrate the feminine and masculine aspects within us. In the feminine aspect of divinity, we can see the ability to conceive, give birth, and transform. In the masculine aspect of divinity, we can see the power to fertilize, impregnate, and generate.
Individuals who can speak openly and honestly about their sexual needs will find that they can be respected for their individuality and sexual choices. Couples can negotiate their differences and enable their relationship to gain intimacy and passion. Good communication and personal agreements are facilitated, giving each partner a more precise understanding of the relationship.
When you experience sexual spirituality, you have a wonderful opportunity to experience yourself in a renewed way. You are allowed to heal shame, fear, and repression as well as discover your natural, spiritual, sexual, healthy self. You can begin living your daily life in a more balanced, sensuous way while gaining spiritual and sexual knowledge. You can begin nurturing yourself and others with love and harmony. Your connection with yourself, your body, and others will deepen along with your sense of spirituality. You can create healthy boundaries with yourself and your lover(s). You can even reach higher levels of sexual intensity and sexual ecstasy the more you progress.
For many people, masturbation, while pleasureful, often represents something embarrassing, shameful, and even morally wrong. Throughout history, there have been many who were against masturbation. Some of these individuals would go to such extremes that they would resort to barbaric types of prevention, from forcing their daughters to wear gloves made of a steel wool material to piecing the foreskin of their son's penis with a wire and soldering the ends together. In addition, masturbation has been falsely associated with blindness, madness, and illness. Of course, none of which are true.
In the 1940s & 1950s, Alfred Kinsey helped bring awareness to this normal sexual behavior through his publications "Sexual Behavior in the Human Male" and "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female." Later, in the 70s & the '80s, Betty Dodson, Ph.D., achieved fame from her approach to masturbation. She held classes for women to teach them how to masturbate to overcome repression and to learn how to celebrate their bodies.
Today, there are many teaching that masturbation is normal and healthy using scientific proof that it provides health benefits such as stress relief, menstrual cramp relief, insomnia relief, as well as stimulating the immune system to help build up resistance to common infections. Masturbation also provides mood-elevating hormones that enable one to feel better in general.
Masturbating With Your Partner Or Solo
Our bodies are certainly wired for sexual sensation with all of our rich nerve endings and hormonal drives. It is a natural and a deep part of who we are as human beings and a great way to connect with a partner or without one.
Reducing Masturbation Jealousy
During masturbation, many types of fantasies can be had to achieve. I encourage people to explore their fantasies while masturbating as it is a way to let your creativity flow.
For couples that may be jealous of the idea of their partner masturbating without their involvement, you can discuss what types of fantasies you both feel comfortable with, and that may even bring you closer together. There may be conflicts with putting limitations on your fantasies; however, perhaps agreeing that you will not fantasize about people you know in real life or previous romances may help reduce some of the apprehension you or your lover may have about masturbating without one another. Once you feel more comfortable and have stronger trust in your relationship, you may discontinue any need for fantasy boundaries; however, some couples need this reassurance, which is fine if agreeable to both partners.
The Spiritual Connection
You are connected to all things in our universe and beyond, and connecting to your sexuality is just tuning into that relationship inside you.
Below are tips for spiritual masturbation:
- Find a place where you can be alone and uninterrupted; a bedroom or bathroom is usually best; however, a solitary place in nature is also a beautiful location.
- Surround yourself with things that please your senses, from scented candles, inspiring music to comfortable bedding, etc. You want to create a place of escape, surroundings that you would imagine a spa to offer you.
- Using lubricants and sex toys is undoubtedly an excellent way to bring pleasure to your body. It may also allow you not to work as hard at stimulating yourself. This can be an added benefit as it will focus more on spiritually connecting.
- This masturbation session may be one where you have more than one orgasm, so plan to spend some time, whether it is building up your sexual arousal and then letting it down and building up again or having several climaxes.
- Focus on your breathing, your physical pleasure, and imagine yourself floating in clouds, letting go of all of your inhibitions, worries, and insecurities. Imagine you are becoming one with love and light. You can, of course, use your visualizations, whatever helps you connect with your heart on a spiritual level.
- As you orgasm, surrender to what you consider your connection with everything, whether that is a wise being or interconnectedness through energy.
The point here is to connect with what is pure about sexuality and all that is beautiful about it. We tend to focus too much on our egos and compensate for our low self-esteem in sexual fantasies, usually making ourselves the object of lust whether people in our fantasies are doing things to us or we are blowing someone's mind by doing something to win their sexual desires. Those types of fantasies will not be the focus here.
What this exercise is intended to accomplish is to allow you to embrace sexuality as a completely natural part of yourself, one that is pure and without the baggage of ego. It can take you into a new realm of sexuality by allowing you to connect with it spiritually. When you do this, you will see the true beauty of sexuality. You can see it as a gift in your life that you can celebrate on a higher level than you ever imagined.
So, lay back, relax and journey into a world of sexual bliss free of anxiety, free of inhibitions focused only on you and your connection to the infinite through spiritual sex.