The Clitoris Nerves Were Finally Mapped. It's About Damn Time

Fair warning: this article is aggressively sarcastic. I tried being diplomatic, but apparently my patience is classified as a nonessential women’s health care.

It’s 2026, and scientists have produced a detailed three-dimensional map of the clitoris’s nerve pathways. (See study here)

Congratulations to the researchers, but can I just say this work so overdue: what the actual hell?

Researchers at Amsterdam University Medical Center have revealed intricate nerve branching within the clitoral glans, including branches extending toward the clitoral hood and mons pubis. It is valuable work with potential implications for surgery and preserving sensation.

And apparently, we are supposed to receive this news without immediately developing a facial expression that is dialed to WTF?!?

The report describes this as a possible “starting point of clitoris science.”

Starting point. In 2026.

How lovely. Female pleasure has finally been approved to explore.

I have to say, this is an especially irritating kind of progress: the kind that deserves celebration while also making you want to scream "Fuck the patriarchy!" from a mountaintop.

I mean seriously, the clitoris did not recently arrive. It was not introduced in a software update. Women did not grow one last Tuesday and neglect to notify the medical establishment.

It has been here.

Awaiting further interest, apparently.

To be precise, this is not the first research ever conducted on the clitoris. The achievement is a new level of detailed three-dimensional nerve mapping, made possible by advanced imaging. That distinction matters.

Women’s bodies should not have to prove they’re worth studying. The penis has been getting standing ovations for work that lasts four minutes.

The researchers themselves deserve credit. They are filling a gap, not responsible for every priority that preceded them. Direct the applause toward their work and the sarcasm toward a culture that still makes female pleasure feel like an optional elective.

The study could help clinicians better understand nerves around the vulva when performing procedures, including reconstruction after female genital mutilation and gender-affirming surgery.

In other words, this knowledge has practical consequences.

Knowing where someone’s nerves are before operating near them seems like a reasonable baseline. Perhaps we could put that on a mug for the next women's sexuality budget meeting.

This particular study examined two postmenopausal donors and was released as a preprint. Its findings need scrutiny and further research.

Excellent. Please, fund that research, include more people, improve education. For all that is holy keep going!

Please do not hand the clitoris one study and announce that equality has been achieved.

We are allowed to appreciate this advance but please don't expect women to be applauding when we are have so many aspects of our health and bodies that require overdue attention.

While you’re at it, decision-makers, perhaps you could acknowledge that testosterone is also a female hormone and give menopausal women access to appropriately formulated doses and insurance coverage. Apparently, the word “testosterone” has everyone so distracted by the possibility of a penis that they’ve forgotten women produce it, too.

After writing this article, I could use a drink, and I don’t even drink. At this point, I’d settle for a cocktail called “Fund Women’s Healthcare.” Make it a double. We’re behind.

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