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Attachment Style Relationship Quiz

Egg puppet couple enjoying champagne romantic

The Importance Of Attachment Styles

Attachment styles are how we have learned to attach to others from childhood. These patterns are acted out through our behavior, influencing our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, significantly impacting our relationships. This quiz is designed to help you determine what attachment style you may lean toward.

There are three primary attachment styles: anxious, avoidant, and secure. By understanding our attachment style, we can learn more about underlying emotional needs that drive us to behave as we do, which can include our forgiveness styles. This can then foster better communication and empathy to help improve your relationship.

How do you feel when your partner is away from you for an extended period?

a) I feel anxious and stressed about them and what they are doing. (2 points)

b) I feel a sense of independence and freedom. (0 points)

c) I typically feel a mix of both anxiety and freedom. (1 point)

What do you feel when your partner is emotionally distant from you?

a) I feel insecure, upset, and clingy, or like I want to emotionally punish them through my absence. (2 points)

b) I feel indifferent and detached. (0 points)

c) I feel hurt, but I try to understand their point of view. (1 point)

When you communicate your feelings to your partner, you:

a) Express your feelings openly and honestly. (1 point)

b) I tend to keep my feelings to myself to avoid conflict or vulnerability. (0 points)

c) I share my thoughts and feelings, but I find it challenging to express myself. (1 point)

How do you handle conflicts with your partner?

a) I try to avoid conflicts and often suppress my real feelings. (0 points)

b) I communicate my feelings and try to work toward a resolution. (1 point)

c) I tend to get upset and may get defensive or lash out at my partner (2 points)

How do you feel when your partner shows you emotional or physical affection?

a) I feel truly loved and enjoy it. (1 point)

b) I feel uncomfortable, and my insecurities arise. (2 points)

c) I typically enjoy it but sometimes have difficulty fully enjoying it. (1 point)

How do you feel when your partner achieves success?

a) I feel proud of them and am happy for them. (1 point)

b) I feel jealous and resentful. (2 points)

c) I feel a mixture of pride, happiness, and jealousy. (1 point)

What do you feel when your partner needs your emotional support or comfort?

a) I feel happy to be there for them. (1 point)

b) I feel overwhelmed by their needs. (2 points)

c) I am willing to provide it but sometimes find it difficult to give it fully. (1 point)

How do you feel about your partner's relationships with friends and co-workers outside of your relationship?

a) I trust them and feel supportive, but I sometimes feel jealous. (1 point)

b) I feel threatened by their external relationships and attempt to control them. (2 points)

c) I fully trust and support their social life outside our relationship. (1 point)

What are your feelings about your partner's personal growth and development?

a) I support their growth but sometimes, I feel left behind. (1 point)

b) I feel threatened and think about or attempt to hold them back. (2 points)

c) I support and encourage them and spend time working on my own personal growth goals. (1 point)

What are your feelings about the overall state of your relationship?

a) I feel secure and content. (1 point)

b) I feel a mix of both security and insecurity. (1 point)

c) I feel insecure, unhappy, or unfulfilled. (2 points)

Answer Key:

  • 0-5 points: Avoidant attachment style
  • 6-10 points: Secure attachment style
  • 11-15 points: Anxious attachment style

Avoidant Attachment Style

If you or your partner have an avoidant attachment style, you may find intimacy challenging due to fear of getting hurt or rejected. There is often a challenge in forming close relationships because there is a tendency to lack trust and desire to be vulnerable, which are the core components of having intimacy. You may see difficulty in expressing feelings, and behavior can be aloof and distant.

When communicating with a partner with an avoidant attachment style, you may need to give them space and time to open up emotionally to you. They may have difficulty displaying affection, vulnerability, and commitment. You will want to respect their boundaries, show patience, communicate clearly and openly, be supportive and encourage them to seek help through therapy for their intimacy challenges.

People with avoidant attachment styles tend to have past trauma or painful experiences that make it challenging to be successful in long-term relationships. Until they deal with their past and find tools to navigate a healthy relationship, they may not be able to do so effectively.

Anxious Attachment Style

Those with an anxious attachment style tend to feel somewhat insecure in their relationships and often fear abandonment and rejection. They tend to overcompensate through clingy, jealous, and possessive behavior. They often need a great deal of reassurance from their partner and, without validation, can feel that a relationship is never genuinely secure.

When communicating with someone with an anxious attachment style, it is a good idea to show empathy for their worries and need for reassurance. Because they may tend to overreact to perceived slights and misunderstandings, they are best provided with a calm and reassuring response.

Ways to reassure them is to validate their feelings, even if they are not based on realistic fears letting them know you understand why they might feel that way but reassure them they have no cause for worry. Helping them to feel heard and understood through verbal and physical reassurances is helpful.

It is healthy to have boundaries, so avoid hiding your real feelings and be direct and honest to establish trust with your partner and feel as though they can take what you say at face value. Encourage them to take care of themselves by finding ways to reduce anxiety and seek help for things that have caused them to feel traumatized and anxious in their childhood.

Secure Attachment Style

Those with a secure attachment style are the most likely to have a healthy and successful relationship as they tend to communicate well and provide and receive trust. They are comfortable with intimacy and are often able to handle conflicts in a healthy manner.

If you are in a relationship with someone with a secure attachment style, make sure that you are open and honest in your communication, as they appreciate partners who provide them with what they offer. Practice active listening with them so that you show them they are understood and show empathy and validate their feelings when they need it. It is also vital that you be consistent as it provides them with the stability they desire.

In Conclusion

No matter what attachment style one has, there is always room for improvement and self-growth. We can all have healthy and stable relationships by using good communication skills, showing empathy, validation, and taking responsibility for our own growth. 

To learn more about how to enhance your relationship make sure to see our Improving Relationships Guide as well as our Sex Therapy Guide.

Please Note:

No quiz is a substitute for professional counseling, and they should only be used as a helpful tool to understand you and your partner better rather than as a way to diagnose or treat. 

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