Trusted for 23+ Years
How Soon Should You Text & What To Say After The First Date?
Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert
The First Date
So, you have already read our guide: 15 Tips: How To Ask A Someone Out and the date is over. But even afterward, it can be a time of nervous excitement and offers all sorts of potential for hilarity and awkwardness. But fear not my peeps, you are in good hands. Let's explore how to handle that texting after the first date.
To Text Or Not To Text?
The general rule of thumb is to wait at least 24 hours before texting after your first date. But of course, as with all things in life, it depends on a few things. Let's review what you may want to consider.
When It Was Magical
If you had a date where you couldn't stop talking, and the connection was electric, then go ahead and text them that same night! Just keep it light and funny, and don't pressure them to text back.
If The Date Was A Formal
If you and your date were somewhat reserved, then give it at least 24 hours before texting. Doing so earlier may come across as too eager or desperate. Plus, it's always good to give both of you some time to process how the date went.
Don't Snooze And Lose
Waiting too long to text after a first date can be seen as game-playing, rude, or even a sign that you're not interested. So, anything over 48 hours is definitely too late. Don't leave them hanging.
What Can You Text?
When texting someone, be authentic and just remember to be yourself, keep things playful, positive, and above all, have fun!
Your Content Matters
When it comes to the content of your text, be specific and positive. Compliment something that stood out to you about the date, like their sense of humor or their passion for something. People want to feel appreciated and understood so complimenting them regarding something personal they shared from the date provides them with validation and is a very good idea. Don't be negative, distant, or vague, as that will send the wrong message.
Pay Attention To How They Text
Honor the saying of learning how to read the room. Always pay attention to how your date is responding. If you're getting a different energy then you are sending, it may be a sign to proceed with caution.
First and foremost, pay attention to the words people use. Are they using lots of exclamation points and emojis? Then chances are, they're feeling excited! On the other hand, if their messages are more low-key and filled with ellipses and question marks, they might feel less enthusiastic.
Look for complexity in their texts. If your crush consistently sends you short, one-word answers like "lol" or "k," they might not be that into you. But if they send you longer messages and ask questions about yourself, that's a good sign.
Pay attention to their response time. If they're always replying right away, that's a great sign. If they're taking hours (or even days) to respond, it might be time to move on.
You can also look for patterns in people's messaging habits. For example, something might be up if someone normally responds to your messages within a few minutes but suddenly goes radio silent for hours on end.
It could be that they're having a bad day, or maybe they just got sucked into a series binge, but if it is consistent it is a message. Of course, none of these tips are foolproof, and sometimes you just have to ask outright how someone feels.
First Date Text Examples
"Hey there, just wanted to say thanks for a great time tonight! My cheeks are actually sore from all the laughing we did. I really enjoyed spending time with you."
"Just wanted to let you know that I made it home safe and sound, although I did have to fight off a pack of wild bears on the way. Nothing I can't handle, though. Plus, I was in a good mood from having so much fun on our date."
"I don't know about you, but I'm already looking forward to our next adventure. Maybe we could try skydiving? Or deep-sea diving? A trip to the moon? Or, you know, something a little less extreme if that's not your thing."
Be Prepared For Rejection
Be prepared to accept rejection. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But wait, rejection is the worst!" Well, I'm here to tell you it doesn't have to be. Sometimes, two people just aren't meant to be. But don't worry, like trying to wear shoes that don't fit; sometimes, things just don't match up and that's alright.
Remember, you're in control of your own journey; there's a whole world out there waiting for you. Rejection can be a catalyst for growth, self-discovery and will lead you to the path you are supposed to take.
Handle Rejection Well
So, you know how some folks have a temper tantrum like a toddler who needs a nap when they get turned down? These people lack emotional intelligence, and it's abusive to lash out after being turned down.
When we experience rejection, it can be tough on our feelings and our ego. But reacting with anger or rudeness doesn't do anyone any good, especially you.
In fact, it is a sign you have some issues you should work on as it is an indicator you are playing the role of a victim and lashing out like a bully. People who respond this way are highly defensive because they don't like themselves, even when they claim to be superior. Those who have a healthy sense of self-esteem can emotionally regulate (manage your feelings like a boss).
So, if you want to handle rejection like a pro, you gotta tap into your emotional smarts. That means taking a deep breath, acknowledging your feelings, and finding a healthy way to cope. That could be talking to a friend, practicing self-care, or just reminding yourself that rejection happens to everyone.
The bottom line? Don't let rejection bring out the grump in you. Instead, use it as an opportunity to build your emotional intelligence muscles and behave in a manner that shows you have integrity and dignity.
And remember what Matthew McConaughey (Wooderson) said in the movie "Dazed and Confused" You just gotta keep livin', man, L-I-V-I-N.
Alright, Alright, Alright
Go ahead and text that date of yours! Just remember to keep it real, be respectful, and always listen to your gut. Good luck to you; I believe in you!