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Making Noise During Sex

Dr. Lisa Lawless

Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert

Walruses Sex, Making Noise During Sex

Sexual Moans & Noises Are Common

During sexual activity, it is not uncommon to wonder what your partner is feeling, thinking, or experiencing. Making noises during sex such as moaning, sighing, grunting, etc. can be flattering as well as provide positive feedback with regard to their sexual performance. Giving your partner specific verbal compliments on technique, appearance, or attitude, can also boost their self-confidence and enjoyment. See our Guide on How To Communicate About Sex for more helpful tips about this. 

Why Do We Make Sounds During Sex?

We often moan when we eat something delicious, when we stretch, when we get a massage to communicate the release as well as the pleasure that we are experiencing. Sex is no different. It is a natural expression, and sometimes we do not even consciously realize we are doing it.

There are a few reasons why people make sounds during sex, but most serve as a means of communication to your lover that you are enjoying yourself. Sex sounds can also be a form of release of both pleasure and pain, both physically and emotionally.

We can also biologically feel like we need to make sound, as grunting is a physiological response to exertion. As seen in sports, athletes will often grunt. Research shows that it can improve their performance. The same occurs in physical activities such as martial arts and is why someone fighting may release sounds as one hits and kicks even when no contact is made.

Silence Can Be Awkward

Most people report that they find sex noises to be a strong communication tool. Getting louder and making more frequent noises can send your lover the message that you are really enjoying what they are doing. If someone is silent, it may send the message that you are not enjoying yourself.

If you are non-verbal during sex or prefer quiet, it may be helpful to let your lover know that in advance so that they are not wondering if they are doing something that you do not enjoy.

Can Sex Be Too Loud?

If your sexual noises make others uncomfortable, such as roommates, neighbors, or even children, it may make sense to keep things verbally toned down or go to locations where you do not have to worry about your sexual volume. Also, keep in mind that too much sexual noise may make your partner question your sincerity.

Understand that some people do not enjoy noise at all as a personal preference. In addition, some people have conditions that cause them to feel anxiety from certain noises or volumes, such as those with misophonia (sound sensitivity disorder) or those on the autistic spectrum. Again, communication about these preferences is key to great sex.

Sex Talk

Some people enjoy talking during sex; some do not. If your partner indicates that they like that, you can try describing your sexual encounter as it unfolds, paying attention to details. The look on your lover's face, the color of their skin, the sounds you are hearing. If you want to share in the fun, ask your partner explicit questions so he or she can participate as well. Whisper questions to them, such as what they want you to do to them or how does what you are doing feel. Doing so can be quite arousing and bring lovemaking to a whole new level.

For long distance relationship sex talk may be one of your primary ways of communicating your sexual arousal. See our guide on Long Distance Relationships for more helpful tips.  

Fake Sounds & Faking Orgasm

In one study done on women faking orgasms, it was found that 80% of the women faked 50% of the time. Sixty-six percent of the women who fake orgasm say that they moan to speed up their partner's orgasm, while eighty-seven percent moan to fake an orgasm and end sex.

Why Do People Fake Sex Noises?

Both men and women fake sex noises and orgasms, but women do it more often. Women primarily do it to help a man feel more aroused so that he will climax faster. Men also do it when they feel like it is taking them too long to orgasm, or they feel like they will be unable to climax at all. (See our guide on How To Have Faster Orgasms). Both men and women have reported that they may fake moaning if they get tired, bored, or uncomfortable during sex to end it and avoid hurting their partner's feelings.

Heterosexual women may also fake sex noises because they are conditioned to believe that the faster a man orgasms, the more aroused he is by her. Thus, for some women, this may be an attempt to feel more desirable and appealing by being verbally sexy and more arousing. Men may also do this to encourage a woman to climax. (See How To Make A Woman Orgasm).

The Power Of Sound Waves

Sexual sounds can elicit a biological response from the frequency of someone's voice in a similar way that our scent and pheromones can. It is more powerful than you may imagine. Think of when you get goosebumps when you hear an amazing singer or when a singer hits high notes. Their sound can be so powerful that they shatter a glass because they have matched the glass's sound frequency. Sound is powerful, and sound can be physically sexy.

Beyond Sex Noises

Making noises or having your partner make them is a personal preference. Determine what is right for you and communicate that with your partner. Express what you enjoy as well as what you don't. Explore other creative ways to use sound during sex, such as music or using tones (toning) for sexual arousal. See our Sex & Sound Guide for more information.

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