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Getting Over A Breakup & How Long It Takes
Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert
One of the biggest questions people ask after breaking up is how long it will take to get over it. While there is no easy answer to this question, seven significant factors impact the duration of the healing process:
- The first and most influential is how strongly you are emotionally attached. If there is a strong emotional attachment to your ex, it will undoubtedly increase the time and effort it will take to let go and move on.
- The duration of your relationship plays a role in determining how quickly you can establish new routines and forge a new path forward. It's important to give yourself time and patience as you navigate this transition.
- If you have had closure, it can be easier to move on than if you have not. It can be harder to move on from the past if a relationship has ended abruptly or you don't understand why it ended.
- Your resilience is your ability to cope with stress and deal with adversity. How well you do this will help determine how soon you can move forward after a relationship.
- Managing the stress of a breakup is greatly helped by having quality support systems through friends and family members. In addition, seeking out support through a counselor can also be beneficial.
- How emotionally intelligent you are can help determine your personal growth. This can impact your ability to achieve self-improvement and help you get over a relationship more easily.
- Your willingness to accept the breakup is vital to moving on from a relationship.
Are You Still In Love With Your Ex?
It is common to find yourself questioning your emotions during the healing process. The end of a relationship can be a challenging and confusing time. Lingering doubts, rehashing past interactions, and unresolved feelings can repeat in our minds. If you are grappling with whether or not you are still in love with your ex, there are a few key factors to consider.
How strongly you feel about someone you have been in a relationship with can indicate whether you are still in love with them. If you still long for your relationship and your feelings are beyond platonic, you are most likely still in love with your ex.
Other ways you can tell if you are still in love is if you imagine your future with your ex or replay romantic moments from your past or are trying to connect with them.
Ultimately, if you are willing to overcome obstacles, put aside differences, and provide forgiveness, you are still in love with them.
Stages Of Grieving A Breakup
Losing someone important to us can elicit various emotional responses. Much like the loss of anything important to us, there can be these stages of grief:
- Denial and shock
- Anger and blame
- Bargaining and guilt
It is not uncommon to experience a sense of denial and shock. At other times, anger and blame may arise toward ourselves or our partners to try to process how things went wrong. Much like all the stages of grief, you may also find yourself grappling with bargaining and guilt, seeking to understand perceived mistakes.
All of these emotions can evoke anxiety and depression as you process what has been lost. Despite the many challenges that arise in such a loss, it is essential to remember that acceptance and healing are possible.
You can find a renewed sense of purpose in life through the support of people close to you, the guidance of experts, support groups and forums, and your own resilience. Simply acknowledging that it is a healthy part of the healing process to experience a range of emotions helps to provide a sense of personal growth and possibility.
How Long Does It Take To Heal?
Most people move on, but how long that takes depends on various factors. As we embark upon the journey of healing from losing a partner, how long it takes to grieve can vary greatly. While some may find recovery in a matter of months, for others, the path to healing may stretch out for years. For some, the wounds leave permanent scars. With this in mind, we must approach grieving with compassion, empathy, and support to navigate the complexities of healing.
Focusing on your personal growth is crucial when striving to heal emotional wounds. If you are still struggling to move forward, reaching out to a therapist can be a beneficial step in finding the necessary support and guidance. Remember that taking care of yourself is a valuable investment in your future.
Should You Stay Friends With Your Ex?
You should ask yourself if staying friends with an ex will cause conflicts in your life. For example, this may be an issue should you develop a new relationship. Out of respect to a new partner, you may need to consider discontinuing your relationship with an ex.
In addition, if you constantly argue, don't have common interests, the relationship is one-sided, or if there is jealousy, it may be best to end a friendship with an ex.
Having an ex as a friend may also keep the focus on your past instead of moving forward, so make sure that if you do it that it is a healthy situation for you both and that you encourage one another to embrace your future without holding on to what has been.
If you are still in love with your ex and they do not want to be together, it may be best to make a permanent break. This can show up as yearning for your prior relationship or reminiscing about past romantic moments.
To stay connected with your ex in a way that feels healthy and respectful should involve:
- Setting clear boundaries around communication.
- Avoiding unnecessary contact or conflict.
- Focusing on the positive aspects of the relationship you want to maintain.
Struggling To Move On
Ultimately, the key to moving on from a breakup is to give yourself time and space to heal while also staying open to new experiences and opportunities. By focusing on your growth and well-being, you can create a positive mindset that will help you move forward with confidence and resilience.
Below are some steps that you can take to help you heal from a breakup:
- Acknowledge your emotions without judgment. Be kind to yourself and recognize that it's part of the grieving process to be sad, angry, or confused.
- Reflect on your relationship by asking yourself what you have learned from the experience and what you would do differently. It may be helpful to write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal to gain greater self-awareness. This can also help to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression and improve mental health.
- Focus on caring for yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Get enough sleep, eat well, exercise, practice relaxation techniques, and engage in activities that bring you joy.
- Connect with trusted friends and family. This can help you feeling less isolated and provide support and connection.
- Seek out support through forums and groups, as these can also be excellent ways to feel connected to others during this challenging time.
- Set new goals and engage in activities to shift your focus away from the past and toward your future. Consider a new hobby, class, or a new personal or professional goal.
- Seek professional support to help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies. As we journey through life, we can encounter emotional struggles that can leave us feeling lost and overwhelmed. Seeking the guidance of a skilled therapist can be a highly beneficial step toward achieving emotional healing.