Trusted for 24+ Years
Cunnilingus Techniques
Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert
Communication
Giving great oral sex means knowing your partner's likes and dislikes, which is easier through open communication. This may seem awkward to discuss, but done in the right way, it can simply turn into speaking seductively and make things even more sensual.
Saying things like "I love when you flick your tongue like that," or "I really want your tongue right here," or Do you like when I do this?" can make things hotter as well as informative. For tips on how to communicate about sex, see our Sex & Communication For Partners Guide.
Preparation For Oral Sex
Taking a moment to clean up before oral sex is always a good idea as it can prevent Urinary Tract Infections (UTIs) and make things more carefree.
Clean Your Hands
You will want to wash your hands well to avoid introducing harmful bacteria into the vagina or urethra. This applies to both the giver and receiver as often the receiver will play with themselves while receiving oral stimulation, and they too should have clean hands.
Avoiding A Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)
Unfortunately, there can be some adverse side effects to contacting the urethra. The urethra is where one's urine comes out, and it is sensitive and is easily irritated. It is relatively easy to expose the urethra to harmful bacteria and thus may result in a UTI. The activity that can cause a UTI can be sexual or nonsexual.
Any sexual activity that makes contact with the urethra, whether fingers, a sex toy, the mouth, the penis, etc., can create the right conditions for painful urination and infection. To help prevent infections and reduce the chances of irritation, you should drink lots of water and urinate right after urethral stimulation. Taking precautions such as washing whatever comes into contact with the urethra beforehand may prevent such an infection. If an infection occurs, it can be easily treated. If left untreated, the condition can become more severe and spread into the kidneys. Please see our Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) Guide for more information.
Shorten Fingernails
Trim fingernails as sharp fingernails may cause abrasions.
Atmosphere
Create an atmosphere for relaxation and seduction if possible. Typically, to have a clitoral orgasm, one must focus on having an orgasm. Remove distractions and provide a mood that will ease one's mind. Seductive music, candles, and other creative sensual ideas can all lend themselves to creating a relaxed, sensual mood. For assistance in creating a sensual mood, please see our Foreplay Tips Guide.
Cleaning The Anus
Before receiving cunnilingus, you may wish to clean your anus and the vaginal opening. This is because the vagina and anus are extremely close together, and sexual activity can easily bring harmful bacteria to enter the urethra, causing an infection. It can also enter the mouth of the giver, which can make them ill. Try to clean your anus thoroughly with hot, soapy water before any anal activities. A great alternative are disposable wipes.
Psychological Concerns
Some people may feel self-conscious about their vagina. If you plan on performing oral sex, you may need to reassure that their genitals are beautiful, unique, and a real turn-on for you. Many are self-conscious about vaginal tightness, pubic hair, and scent. Sex will be more pleasurable for them if they are relaxed and feel turned on by what you are doing.
Vaginal Scent
If there is a foul scent that has been going on for a couple of weeks, even after washing, you may have an infection, and it is time for a trip to your OB/GYN. Keep in mind that vaginal scent will change during different times of the month, which is normal and natural. Avoid the use of feminine deodorant sprays and other scented products if they irritate and dry your skin. See more on How To Talk To Your Doctor About Sex.
Performance Anxiety
There is a negative stigma around those who perform oral sex in some cultures. There is nothing unhealthy about oral sex, and it is typically appreciated. For those who begin to feel stressed about receiving oral sex, see our guide on How To Orgasm Faster.
Safe Oral Sex
It is generally safe to perform oral sex as long as you recognize the risk factors for STDs, so if practicing safe sex is of concern, please consider that and use a dental dam.
There is a wide range of STDs you can get from sexual activity. For example, it is possible to get low-risk HPV types such as HPV6 and HPV11, which cause genital warts. For more information, please see our STD Guide.
Dental Dams
Dental dams are often used in sexual situations to prevent sexually transmitted diseases for cunnilingus (oral contact with genitals) and analingus (oral/anal contact). They are six-inch squares of latex and were first used by oral surgeons. This is the best protection to prevent genital herpes from infecting your lips or a systemic yeast infection.
Dental dams are used by those who want to practice safer sex techniques by placing them between your tongue and your lover's labia or anus. You can also use a latex or nitrile glove to make your own.
The Clitoral Orgasm
This orgasm occurs at the peak of clitoral stimulation. It begins with intense sexual excitement within the clit, and then as the orgasm peaks, it surges waves of pleasure throughout the body.
The clitoris is the most sensitive part of the body, and sexual arousal is always felt in the clitoris no matter where the orgasm occurs. Usually the sexual arousal originates in the clitoris and is considered an orgasmic starting point.
What Is The Clitoris And Where Is It?
The clitoral hood is formed by the connection of the inner vaginal lips. This small hood covers the clitoris in much the same manner as a foreskin covers a penis. When you pull the hood back, you can see that the clit is usually about the size of a pencil eraser; however, the size varies, much the same way penis size varies.
The clitoris is abundantly supplied with nerves. The part of the clitoris that you see is much like the head of a penis. Just as a penis has a shaft, there is an extension of clitoral arms. The more aroused, the more rigid and filled with blood the clitoris becomes.
For more information see our guide: The Clitoris & How To Stimulate It
Oral Sex Techniques
Often those performing oral sex ignore the outer lips (labia) and forget that licking them or massaging them may be pleasurable foreplay. Using your tongue, fingers, face, and sex toys are all ways to begin playing. An excellent way to break the ice before you start to play is to tell them how good they look, smell, and taste.
Keep It Constant
The main obstacle to orgasm is that they don't feel that you continue to focus on the right area long enough or repetitively. When your partner tells you to keep going, that is not the time to change speeds or do something differently. That means to keep doing precisely whatever you have been doing at the same speed and intensity.
Too Much Vs. Too Little Of A Good Thing
If you have been trying different things over a long period and your partner is nowhere close to orgasm, or they seem to be getting close but can't get there; it may be because whatever technique you were doing is being changed right when they start feeling good, and the variations are too much. Most clitoral orgasms are achieved with direct, constant pressure, with little to no variation.
If they begin to verbalize that they like what you are doing, stay the course. On the other hand, if you have been doing the same technique for a while and they don't seem stimulated, try something else or simply ask if they want you to focus on something else. If too much stimulation has been applied to the clitoris, they may become numb. If numbness occurs, it may be very difficult to climax and an air pulse stimulator (clitoral suction vibrator) can help finish the job.
Learn What They Prefer Clitorally
When one uses a clitoral vibrator, they will often move it around, in the beginning, to find the right spot. You may wish to communicate about that before attempting oral sex. There are definitely preferences concerning clitoral stimulation, from liking one side over another to enjoying direct or indirect contact. Bring up the conversation about using a vibrator and find out vibrator preferences so that you can better determine what they may prefer when performing oral sex.
Learn What They Prefer Vaginally
Some people enjoy vaginal penetration during oral sex through fingers or a sex toy. Finding out if this is a preference in advance is, of course, ideal. Beyond penetration, finding out if they enjoy fast, slow thrusts, as well as intense pressure against the G-spot, is helpful. Because everyone has different preferences, it will not be standard practice for pleasuring everyone.
For more information, make sure to check out our Fingering Tips For The Vagina Guide, as well as our guide: Clitoral & Vaginal Orgasm Guide
Beyond Oral
Doing anything orally for a long time can be exhausting. Having a plan to use your fingers or a sex toy is a great way to give your tired mouth and jaw a break until you resume or an opportunity to move into something completely different.
Pulling Back The Clitoral Hood
Pulling back the clitoral hood to directly stimulate the clitoris will depend on sensitivity and arousal. The more aroused, the more direct contact one may prefer. However, pulling back the hood and receiving direct clitoral stimulation for particularly sensitive people will not be a pleasurable experience. If your lover likes the hood pulled back, the best way to do so is by spreading their lips apart or pulling up on the mons.
Flavored Lubricants & Condiments
Do not use foods such as syrup, chocolate, whip cream, or anything that contains sugar on the vagina. This is a very easy way to get a yeast infection. Rather, use flavored lubricants that are designed for oral sex.
For more information about this, see the following guides:
Temperature
If you want to add temperature stimulation to oral sex, take a mouthful of hot or cold liquid (with no sugar in it) and then lick their clitoris while your tongue is superheated or ice-cold for a variety of sensations.
Oral Sex With Anal Stimulation
Also known as analingus, licking or inserting the tongue into the anus can provide sexual pleasure. This can be enjoyable but should be done knowing the risks and precautions necessary. Please see our Anal Sex & Analingus Guide for more information.
Special Cunnilingus Techniques
Venus Butterfly
The Venus Butterfly is an oral sex reference in the 1988 book "The One Hour Orgasm" by sex educators Leah and Bob Schwartz and then mentioned again by sex educator Sue Johanson in 2005. It simply combines stimulation to the clitoris, G-spot, and anus simultaneously. It is considered a blended orgasm by some; however, it is centered around a clitoral orgasm with stimulation at the three points. It is not a specific technique, but rather variations in using different things such as mouth, hands, and sex toys to simultaneously stimulate the clitoris, G-spot, and anus.
Tracing The Alphabet
The late comedian Sam Kinison spoke of an oral sex technique of licking the alphabet during his comedy routine. It became a common understanding that this was a good oral sex technique. However, it is not and disregards the desire for most recipients to have constant, repetitive stimulation to the same area of the clitoris.
Exploring The 69 Position
The advantage to the 69 position is that it allows a couple to simultaneously pleasure each other. However, it does present some awkward, straining positioning, and thus it is a position many couples do for a short period if at all.
Your Partner On Top
ADVANTAGES
- They have control because they are on top.
- They can move their vagina deep into your mouth.
- You can use your fingers to explore within while you suck and lick their vagina.
DISADVANTAGES
- Depending on how much they weigh, they can cut off your circulation.
- You have less control over the situation (use a pillow to keep your head propped up).
- They may tire quickly from having to lean on their elbows or hands.
- They might end up having rug burns on their knees from the friction on the floor or sheets.
You On Top
ADVANTAGES
- You have a lot of control in this given position.
- Your partner can venture around your body parts in ways they can't get in any other position.
DISADVANTAGES
- You could suffocate them easily.
- You might strain your neck if you keep struggling to lick them deep within.
- Once they put your genitals in their mouth, they could have difficulty moving away to breathe.
Side By Side
ADVANTAGES
- You don't have to worry about hurting them with your weight.
- You can use your hand to rub the outline of their body or rub their breasts, nipples, etc.
- They can rub their hand down your back and massage your thighs.
- You can watch them pleasure you.
DISADVANTAGE
- Because the gravity is not pulling you into one another, it may be awkward to access one another's genitals (especially for plus-sized or disabled people).
Holding Your Partner Upside Down
ADVANTAGES
- This position is reserved for a more petite partner and a larger partner that can support them.
- You can lick and suck one another well in this position.
DISADVANTAGES
- Getting into this position may be awkward.
- The blood may rush to their head reasonably quickly, so it will be short and sweet.
- You may tire very easily as this can be quite challenging to maintain.
Finger Stimulation
Using your finger(s) inside the vagina to stimulate the G-spot by making the "come here" motion is a traditional fingering method. Using pressure up into the G-spot is highly effective and often more desirable than just light rubbing. However, let's look at some more innovative fingering techniques with oral stimulation.
The Double Pleasure Clamp Techniques
These techniques are quite effective pleasure techniques. The following is step-by-step instructions on how to implement them:
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The Clamp With Oral Stimulation: Stimulates the clit using the thumb and your tongue while using one or more fingers to stimulate the G-spot. A good technique is when you can be in front of your partner. Most recipients of cunnilingus with this finger technique prefer one to two fingers, although some like a lot of pressure, and three to four can be used.
- The Two-fingered Clamp With Oral Stimulation: This is best used when your partner is on their knees or standing with their bottom outward. You can use this technique from behind them. The thumb stimulates the G-spot, and the fingers make a "V" around their clitoris while you lick it. You may need to position yourself under them.
For more insights, see our How To Finger The Vaginia Guide.
Keeping Rhythm
The most effective stimulation is using rhythmic thrusting. These rhythmic movements create vibrations, which induce pleasure in the cervix, uterus, and the G-spot and vagina. When fingers are introduced into the vaginal opening, the initial satisfaction is primarily from the feeling of distention or fullness.
Sex Pillows & Positions
There are a variety of positions that you can have fun with when performing cunnilingus. Using sex pillows can make such positions easier. See what sex pillows are and how they work.
Varying Positions & Timing
If you usually lick your partner while lying flat on your stomach, try having them lie on their side, with their legs pulled up toward their chest. You can lick them both forward-facing as well as from behind in this position.
Can Blowing Into The Vagina Be Dangerous?
Yes, there is a very slight chance that an embolism (a gas bubble in the bloodstream, which can be deadly) could occur if one blows extremely hard into a woman's vagina. However, it would probably take a hefty, determined, hard, ceaseless, sealed blow into the vaginal opening to create such an impact. Imagine blowing hard into a balloon with a tiny opening, with your mouth straining. That's the kind of blowing required for such an occurrence.
Heavy breathing is not that kind of action and thus is typically not going to be a concern. Most oral sex includes gentle stroking with the tongue, licking, and sucking, but not intense blowing. Some partners report that blowing gently into the vulva region is a way to create a pleasant sensation. That's about the only way that sending air on to or into your private parts usually occurs, and that type is safe.
How Can You Tell If They Have Had Orgasm?
There are no guaranteed indicators that your partner has climaxed other than those signs you must learn from them. Everything listed below must be clarified and verified with each new partner, but below are indicators that your partner has climaxed.
- You will most likely feel their body begin to tense as they approach the jumping-off place. As they get close, they will probably stop talking and are likely to either hold their breath or pant, and they will probably begin to bear down.
- If you have a finger in their vagina when the orgasm is very close, you might feel the inner two-thirds of their vagina suddenly balloon out (called tenting) or tighten down (called A framing). Your partner will be unaware of these changes deep within their vagina. There may also be an increase in their lubrication.
- If you have a finger or two inside their vagina when they begin to orgasm, you might be able to feel minor contractions around the opening (these will be major internal contractions for them). As they orgasm, they might make sounds, thrust, or just remain motionless and quiet.
- Some people will expel a clear watery fluid (female ejaculate) through their urethral opening with orgasmic contractions. This female ejaculation comes from the Skene's glands that make up the G-spot from the urethra. It does not come from the vagina, and it is not slippery. Learn more about female ejaculation through our How To Female Ejaculate Guide.
In summary, the best way to know if your partner has had an orgasm is to establish open and honest communication about your sexual expectations, desires, and the experience you share.
Oral Sex Toys
There are many types of oral sex toys on the market. Before you get any of them, make sure they are non-toxic as there are many sex toys on the market today that contain toxins. We provide a great deal of education about this in our articles under our site. See the best oral sex toys on the market.
Sex Toys That Go On Your Tongue
These are typically in the form of a vibrator that fits over your tongue. They usually require watch batteries which means that the power levels will be weak. Many of them were phased out because they were uncomfortable to wear, the battery life was short, and the vibrations were mild. The newer models fit around teeth but are not as popular as other options.
Small Vibrators
Using small vibrators such as bullet vibrators can be quite useful for oral sex. You can use them on the clitoris while using your tongue to lick the vaginal opening and inner lips (labia minora).
G-Spot Vibrators
Using a G-spot vibrator to penetrate and stimulate the G-spot can be arousing as you use your mouth to suck and lick the clitoris. You can also use a dual-action vibrator like a rabbit vibrator and turn it backward so that you are achieving a Venus Butterfly stimulation of sucking and licking the clitoris while stimulating the G-spot with the insertable shaft of the vibrator and the clitoral arm stimulating her perineum or anus (depending on the length of the vibrator's arm).
Sex Toys That Simulate Oral Sex
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Air Pulse Stimulators: Also known as clitoral suction vibrators are one of the more popular sex toys that simulate oral sex are air pulse stimulators that push sonic puffs of air over the clitoris. They are held very still and create a seal over the clitoris to work correctly. Learn more about them and why they are so prevalent through our Air Pulse Sex Toys Guide.
- Tongue Sex Toys: There are a few types of these sex toys, the most popular being models with silicone tongues that go around in a circle. Most of them were not terribly effective at providing the intensity needed to the clitoris to achieve orgasm the same way a vibrator or air pulse stimulator does. Many have disappeared from the marketplace because of their lack of intense stimulation.
In Closing
The keys to great oral sex are a positive attitude, good communication, and understanding how vital constant stimulation to the clitoris is for orgasm. With these three components, cunnilingus can be a very satisfying sex act for both partners.