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Fellatio: How To Give A Blowjob

Dr. Lisa Lawless

Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert

Flower, tongue, Fellatio: How To Give A Blowjob

What Makes Fellatio Great?

The term fellatio comes from the Latin word fellare, which means to suck. The keys to great fellatio are a positive attitude, communication, and focus on the head of the penis. Having a sensual and positive attitude may provide the partner giving oral sex an empowered sense of sexual control. While also using specialized techniques, there are infinite possibilities to be creative and provide incredible pleasure. Combining techniques with an understanding of your lover's desires while providing enthusiasm is the perfect recipe for being a fantastic lover.

Creating Intimacy Outside Of Sex

The best way to ask for a blow job is to work on seduction outside the bedroom. If you are in a relationship, make sure to show affection and flirtation without asking for sex as well. Only showing your lover attention when you want sex from them is a recipe for problems. Intimacy is established through appreciation for your partner without sexual expectations. Having a playful, loving relationship outside of the scope of sex allows the foreplay to be a constant source of fun in your relationship. When sex does occur, it will tend to happen more naturally and without manipulation or coaxing.

Asking For Fellatio

Tell your partner how much you desire them and that you have been fantasizing about how it would feel to have their mouth and tongue sliding up and down you. The critical point here is that you flatter them with your desire; it is not a demand or an awkward question. You can also start by giving oral sex and then asking for reciprocation. You can make it more pleasant for them by sharing flavored lubricants and special oral sex toys available through our sexual health store, such as sleeves that allow for an easier way to give fellatio. We will review oral sex toy options later in this article. Also, see our Sex & Communication For Partners Guide for more assistance in communicating your sexual needs.

Avoid Making Sexual Behavior A Task

Some couples exchange favors for oral sex. For example, a couple who negotiates their partner doing the dishes to receive oral sex; however, this does nothing to establish intimacy, desire or sexual fun. If you do the dishes, do it because you are responsible for household chores, not as a way to barter for sexual favors.

Keep in mind that if one partner is carrying the brunt of household chores and the mental load of managing your lives, you will have more than sexual issues to overcome at some point. A partnership is sharing responsibilities both physically, mentally as well as keeping sex fun. Don't underestimate both the dynamic you have outside of the bedroom and the power of your perceptions. If you begin resenting your partner for problems outside the bedroom, sex may easily begin to feel like a chore. If you perceive any sex act, including fellatio, to be dirty, repulsive, or a task, then it will be.

Desire starts in your mind, and there is nothing more critical to a good sex life than your attitude and perception toward it. Honest communication provides a way to talk about what turns you on and how you can help one another live your best lives. It also allows you to work through old belief systems about sex that no longer serve you and end up holding you back sexually. Don't mistake thinking that just learning the best techniques will make you the best lover. Remember that communicating with your partner and understanding their desires combined with an enthusiastic attitude will help counter any lack of technique.

Everyone wants to feel understood and desired, so to make your lover feel like orally pleasuring them is repulsive or a task for you is undoubtedly a blow to their ego. Show them that you desire them no matter what sexual activity you do, and the sex will always be better.

What Is In Ejaculate?

The ejaculate that comes out of the penis is about a teaspoon. It is not unhealthy, fattening (15 calories), nor will it make you pregnant. However, it is essential to note that you can get STDs from oral sex.

The average ejaculate contains ascorbic acid, fructose, glutathione, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, nitrogen, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, protein, enzymes, sodium, vitamin B12, and zinc.

Urination Concerns

If you are worried about getting urine in your mouth during oral sex, keep in mind that the penis cannot ejaculate and urinate simultaneously. During ejaculation, there is a reflex action that contracts a muscle in the neck of the bladder, which prevents the penis from passing urine.

The Most Sensitive Part of the Penis

The frenulum (fren-yuh-lum) is the most sensitive part of the penis, so putting the penis deep into your throat is unnecessary to give good oral sex. To stimulate this part of the penis, you can use your thumb to rub it, enclose it with your hand in a circle and lightly pull on the head, or use your lips to wrap around it and use your tongue to tease it. See our Penis Facts Guide for more in-depth information on the penis.

The PenisBasic Fellatio Tips

Be Careful

Remember that just as you do not want pain or discomfort during this process, neither does your lover, so be sensitive to their needs and watch their body language for cues as to what is comfortable and what is not. If you or your lover have disabilities, you may want to read some of our related articles to make this easier:

Breath Control

Often people think that someone highly skilled in the art of fellatio will take the penis into the back of the throat and do it for the entire length of the blow job. However, this is not necessary. If you are comfortable with it, then, by all means, do it, but if you are using other techniques with your tongue, lips, hands, and fingers, you can provide a very satisfying oral sex experience.

The pleasure from fellatio from in the back of the throat is created by the uvula pressing on the frenulum, which massages the corona (head of the penis). It provides a snug, warm, wet environment that is stimulating to the penis. The average depth of our mouth cavity is 3 - 4 inches, and the average penis size is 5 - 6 inches; thus, there can be difficulty in getting a penis down the throat without cutting off oxygen or creating a gag reflex response.

If you cut off your air supply for a short amount of time, it should be fine, but for overly long periods, it can cause you to feel lightheaded or even pass out. Learning to breathe through your nose at the right moments or taking breaks using your hands is an excellent way to maintain the pleasurable flow of stimulation to their penis while giving you time to breathe.

Sexual Products Can Help

There are sexual products that we carry called bumpers and mini masturbation sleeves that you can use at the base of their penis and manipulate with your hand while focusing your mouth on the top of their penis to create the sensation of deep-throating when you are not.

Gagging Remedies

It can happen to the best of us, and the main thing to remember is that you need not panic psychologically. Panicking can cause you to vomit, which is the last thing you want to do. Some companies market gagging remedies through numbing agents like sore throat sprays and drops. However, you will want to be aware that using them may numb your partner unless they have a condom on them. Also, be mindful that using benzocaine products have health issues tied to them, so that is why you may want to be careful using them often, if at all. See our Desensitizing Lubes Guide for more information about this.

To prevent gagging, you can use your hands to help you. Squeeze at the base of the shaft while using your mouth on just the head and upper shaft. This will create a similar sensation as taking the penis to the back of your throat. Also, rubbing their penis on your face, neck, and chest can be quite pleasing visually as it shows how much you enjoy making love to them orally.

Having your lover on their back allows you to better control their thrusting by using your forearms to push them down if they begin to thrust to the point that it is uncomfortable for you. You can also gently tug on their testicles to slow it down. Remember not to do this too hard, as you don't want to cause them pain; rather, just enough to cause them to come back and allow you to avoid gagging.

Fatigue

If you find that your hands and mouth are getting fatigued, you can take a break and let them play with themselves as you watch, change activities by having sex, switch to receive your oral pleasure, etc. You can also intensify the stimulation you are giving, and if you feel you need to, you can let them know that you are wearing down if you want them to focus on having an orgasm and ask if there is anything in particular that will help them achieve that.

Communicate

If your partner thrusts or pushes you down onto their penis and you find yourself gagging, pull back up and pause to let them know that it is uncomfortable. Lovers who have been together for an extended period can also develop a signal that politely lets them know of this discomfort. If they do not clue into this, you can come up and begin using your hand to recuperate or let them know that you were starting to hit the gag reflex a bit. The last thing someone wants is for you to vomit on them so most lovers will more than understand, and if they do not, you have more serious issues than gagging concerns; their selfishness.

If you have an issue with gagging, let them orgasm elsewhere, whether in a condom, in your hands, on themselves, inside you (vaginally or anally), or on your chest or neck. The best thing to make your intentions known is to comment before or during oral sex to let them know where you want them to cum. You can make this sound sexy if you say it with passion. For example, "I can't wait to feel you explode in between my breasts. I want to rub it all over me!"

A common question is whether or not one should let their partner know before they ejaculate while receiving fellatio, and if so, how should they go about it. The answer is a resounding yes; one should let their partner know when ejaculation is about to occur for no other reason than to help their partner prepare for it. It gives them the choice to swallow or not and get it where they want it. From all over their face, in tissue, and even deep within the back of their throat. It is less critical if oral sex is performed with a condom, but most lovers still want to know.

How do you let them know? Just whisper something like, "Oh baby, you are going to make me cum!" It's sexy to hear and politely and respectfully gives your lover notice.

Visual Options

If you are uncomfortable with being watched, reduce the lighting until you are more confident. A great way to do this is by using scented candles to create a seductive scent in the air while giving a soft light for your lover to gaze in wonderment as you perform oral sex. If you want to show off your skills, you can use mirrors or video to give added coverage. You can even have oral sex while watching a video of you giving oral sex from a previous time.

Hand & Mouth

One of the best ways to give oral sex is to include your hands. Anyone who knows how to perform fellatio well will tell you that the following technique is a must when your mouth is tired, your gag reflex is triggered, or they are well endowed, and taking the penis deep in your mouth is a challenge.

Taking your hand, make a fist around the shaft of your lover's penis with your little finger resting on their pubic bone; take your mouth and go up and down the head and upper shaft of their penis. At the same time, go up and down with your hand. This gives the same sensation of you taking them deep into your throat. Adding different combinations with both hands or your mouth can make it creative.

The mucous membrane inside the mouth is similar to the lining of the vagina or rectum, and the moist, slippery feel of the mouth and tongue on the penis can be highly pleasurable. That is why fellatio can be incorporated as part of a couple's foreplay, meant to heighten sexual arousal, or it can be the main activity meant to bring your lover to orgasm. Remember, it does not have to be the finale.

Cover all the bases. Go up and down the length of their shaft, testicles, perineum (between their testicles and anus), frenulum (the v-shape between the head and shaft of the penis), and meatus (urethral opening), as well as the head of the penis. Circle the head of their penis with your tongue and pay special attention to the frenulum as it is the most sensitive part of the penis. It is essentially the equivalent of the clitoris on the penis. Also, remember that using your lips and tongue, not just an open mouth, can be an excellent way to tease and delight your partner.

There is undoubtedly a great way to make a blow job more exciting and ease mouth fatigue, and that is to provide a creative handjob in the middle of the blow job. Using both hands is the best way to go and can be done sitting, kneeling, or lying down. Using your hand at the base of the shaft, encircle it with your fingers and squeeze. As the blood is being forced to the tip of the head, take your other hand and milk the rim from underneath to fully stimulate the frenulum.

You can also use your hands and fingers to cradle and softly tug on the testicles massage the perineum or anus while you lick and suck the penis. You will want to inquire first, but sometimes fingering the anus just a little or fully can be even more arousing, especially if you stimulate the prostate through the perineum or internally through the rectum.

Remember that after an orgasm, the tip of the penis becomes very sensitive. Thus, your lover will most likely want very soft or subtle contact, if at all right afterward.

Creative Fellatio Techniques

The Corkscrew

Twisting your head as you come up to do what is often called the corkscrew. It provides intense stimulation, especially when you do it toward the tip of the penis while holding the base firmly, forcing the blood into the penis and making it quite sensitive. For added pleasure, use your tongue and press it against the frenulum as you come up to the head of the penis while doing the corkscrew technique.

The Lollipop

Use your tongue in a long flat, up and down, side to side, and swirling motion, or use the tip of your tongue to lick and even insert it a little into the urethral opening. You can also lick from the tip of the head to the testicles and even below the perineum and anus for analingus. Using a soft to hard variation in your tongue as you lick provides varied sensations. You can also do what is known as teabagging by taking the testicles into your mouth and lightly licking and sucking.

The Harmonica

Laying the penis flat against the pubic area allows the penis to be in a natural position. From there, you can use both hands to hold the back as you suck, lick, kiss, and blow on the front. Opening the mouth slightly and running up and down the length of the penis down to the testicles.

The Drum

This is when you gently wrap a thumb and index finger around the testicles and pull them gently away until you have slight surface tension on the end (spot farthest from the body). Then gently run your tongue in a circle and flick it against and around that end area. You can even use your fingertips. This is a teasing sensation, so consider it foreplay and not an orgasm tool.

Hot & Cold

Drinking a hot drink like tea, hot cocoa, etc., can give your lover a warm sensation once you begin sucking on them. For a cold feeling, you can use ice cubes or peppermints in your mouth, and then after sucking on the penis, blow on it to give an extra cooling sensation. You can also use flavored warming and cooling lubricants.

Pulling Tight

Using your hand to pull any loose skin on the penis downward and squeezing the base is a great way to get the blood forced into the most sensitive spot, the frenulum. Any sexual activity done to the penis while holding your lover tight like this will be even more susceptible to them.

Swallowing

There are reasons not to swallow, which are primarily STDs. Some simply do not enjoy it, which should be respected; however, swallowing can make a positive difference if feasible. This isn't just because it feels better or more intimate; it is a form of acceptance and an indication of desire sending a positive message to your lover.

Ejaculate In Nasal Passages

It is possible to suck ejaculate into the nasal passages through the vacuum that sucking can provide, which typically is not a health concern. In a rare case, it may cause a sinus infection or irritation. If you are concerned about this, you can avoid taking it back into your throat with intense suction, use a condom or have your lover ejaculate outside of your mouth. Please be assured, this only happens in rare situations, and of course, should you find you have a sinus infection, you should see your physician. Don't worry; they most likely won't know what caused the infection (unless you tell them), but they will be able to treat it.

Bruising & Broken Blood Vessels

If you let yourself go into some intense sucking or thrusting, you may find that the penis and back of the throat have bruising and broken blood vessels from oral sex. This will heal and is relatively common when providing oral sex for long periods of intense oral sex. Time will heal both types of injury. However, keep this in mind if you have a dental appointment coming up as this kind of bruising in the back of the throat indicates having given fellatio recently.

Intensify The Mood

If you decide to take their penis deep into your throat, and you are comfortable, you can reach around and grab their behind and push their penis deep into your mouth and throat. This can be a real turn-on, and it certainly sends them the signal that you want them with your mouth.

Don't forget that during oral sex or a handjob, a great way to stimulate the prostate without penetrating the anus is by pushing into the perineum (the area that is in-between the testicles and anus). You can use your fingertips, fist, or knuckles to press inward and massage it. Most receiving fellatio say this is arousing and makes their orgasms feel deeper.

If your partner is comfortable, you can take your finger, prostate, or vibrator and press against their anus to increase pleasure while providing oral sex or a handjob. If they are open to it, you can penetrate a little or a lot with your finger and massage the prostate for some of the most intense orgasms they will ever have. Do not insert anything anally that does not have a flared base. See more through our How To Use Anal Toys Guide and How To Do Prostate Massage.

Using Teeth & Intensifying Suction

Using teeth can be a great tool in fellatio. A hint of teeth lightly caressing the penis (especially the head) can be quite erotic and feel wonderful. Watch your lover's reaction and be careful when using teeth or any forceful motions to make sure you are not causing them pain. If you are not sure, just ask. You don't have to break the mood by stopping everything; just lookup for a moment while still playing with your fingers and say something like, "Is this pleasuring you, or is it too much?" To avoid using teeth, simply tuck your teeth under your lips.

To create intense suction, seal your lips around the penis shaft and pull your head back as you suck the head of the penis. You can do with your lips over your teeth or without. You can also choose to do a hummer when you hum while giving your lover oral pleasure. The sound vibrations can be erotic and stimulating.

Using Condoms

If you practice safe sex and use a condom, you can use a bit more force. Keep your lips tighter and use a flavored lubricant to help take away the taste of the condom. If you want to put the condom on your partner, try holding it very gently in your mouth, with the opening facing out. Then, use your lips and tongue to roll it down your lover's penis gently. Just make sure you cover your teeth with your lips so you don't break the condom. You should note that if you are using a latex condom, do not use an oil-based lubricant. If using a polyurethane condom, please see our The Myth About Polyurethane Condoms & Lubricants Guide.

The Body

Your partner may find it very arousing when you play with their inner thighs and pubic hair area as well. Many partners focus on the penis and forget to seduce other parts through massaging or teasing these areas with their nails and mouth. Remember, seduction is not always all about getting down to business. See more about erogenous zones through our Foreplay Guide.

Lubricants For Oral Sex

Using a flavored lubricant is a great way to not only lubricate the penis and make hand and mouth movements easier, but it also tastes good and allows you to rub it along your face and neck without too much friction. If you do not have lubricant, you may opt to allow your saliva to lubricate the penis and even let it run down to the base for added stroke control with your hand. For more information on lubricants, see:

What If They Do Not Ejaculate?

If you find that your lover does not ejaculate from oral sex, it is not necessarily that they do not appreciate your performance, as it may very well have been fantastic. Sometimes there is a need for a different sort of sexual gratification to orgasm. The key is to communicate to understand better your lover's desires and how you may best please one another.

Oral Sex On A Flaccid Penis

Even when the penis is not erect, it still feels terrific when playing with it, licking, and sucking. Flaccid penis play can still be sensual and fun. This is also true for men who have Erectile Dysfunction (ED) who may also enjoy oral sex. After all, it is a sexual pleasure that is the goal, not the ejaculation. You can also use sex toys for erectile dysfunction to help provide added stimulation.

Oral Sex Tips For The Receiver

Be Careful

Remember that just as you do not want pain or discomfort during this process, neither does your lover. Be sensitive to their needs and watch their body language for cues about comfortable and not.

Be Clean

If you are receiving oral sex, there is nothing like the smell of bacteria buildup to turn off your partner, so unless they tell you they love it when you are sweaty and stinky, take a shower or take a warm washcloth or paper towels and clean up not just your penis but your testicles and perineum area. You may even want to use it on your anus as your lover may like to tongue your anus (analingus). If you are giving oral sex, you can use hot washcloths to wipe down your partner before and after as part of the fun.

Pubic Hair Clean Up

Giving a tug to pubic hair to help loosen any hairs about to fall out and prevent them from going into your lover's mouth is not the most pleasant sensation. You can also shave or trim your pubic hair for a more tailored look and feel. See our How To Trim Pubic Hair Guide for more information.

Improving Ejaculate Taste

For those looking to improve the taste and smell of ejaculate, you will have to look at your diet. What you eat will influence the taste and smell of your ejaculate, just as it affects your body odor in general. Remember that it takes food that you consume between 12 to 24 hours to secrete out of your system, so if you are planning on oral sex, you should prepare. If you try the recommendations and still notice a strong, unpleasant smell, it could be a medication you are taking, or you should visit your physician to make sure you do not have an infection or another health issue.

  • Reduce alcohol, caffeine, recreational drugs, and nicotine.

  • Drink a lot of water to flush out body toxins and avoid foods with high chemical and preservative contents.

  • Eat & drink fruits vegetables; avoid cauliflower, broccoli, or asparagus.
  • Reduce meat and dairy consumption.

  • Avoid spices with high sulfur content, such as garlic powder and onion salt.

  • Do consume foods with high chlorophyll content, such as parsley, wheatgrass, and celery.

  • Other foods that sweeten ejaculate: cinnamon, cardamom, peppermint, and lemon.

  • Supplements that are supposed to improve taste are zinc and selenium supplements.


Herbal Tea & Supplement For Better Tasting & Smelling Ejaculate

For better tasting and smelling ejaculate an herb called trigonella foenum-graecum (Fenugreek) works well and can come in tea or supplement form. According to a study done in June 2011 at the Australian Centre for Integrative Clinical and Molecular Medicine, it was found that men aged 25 - 52 who took fenugreek extract two times daily for six weeks scored twenty-five percent higher in their libido levels. It is also known for increasing the milk supply in lactating women. The chemical sotolon gives fenugreek the distinctive sweet smell of this herb. It is said that by drinking it, you can also make your ejaculation taste sweeter. Other herbs that assist with libido and make ejaculate taste sweeter and smell like maple syrup

Clean Up

One of the ways you can pamper your lover is to have them wait while you get a soothing warm washcloth and a dry one. Lightly caress their penis with the damp one to clean them and then dry them off. You can even go as far as to redress them lovingly. Your lover will feel like you genuinely care when you think of these little things.

Many like to clean themselves off and are quite okay with using their process. If you used a lot of lubricant and made a sexy mess, you both may want to rinse off in the shower for an intimate ending to your romance.

Oral Sex Toys

There are flavored lubricants, massage oils, other oral sex enhancers, and many types of oral sex toys on the market. Before you get any of them, make sure they are non-toxic as there are many products on the market today that contain toxins. We provide a great deal of education about Body Safe Sex Toys on our site.

In addition to bumpers, sleeves, tongue vibrators, there are also vibrating penis rings worn during oral sex. Rings may also include a vibrator just for the testicles, meaning both the shaft and testicles are receiving stimulation in addition to your oral stimulation, which can be quite arousing.

Two Basic Types Of Fellatio Sex Toys

  • Sex Toys That Help During Fellatio: You can use sex toys and lubricants while performing oral sex, such as tongue vibrators, penis rings, masturbation sleeves, flavored and stimulating lubricants, and bumpers.

  • Sex Toys That Mimic Fellatio: There are also sex toys that simulate oral sex, such as those that have tongues that move or rotate and masturbation sleeves.

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