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Sex & Mindfulness

Dr. Lisa Lawless

Dr. Lisa Lawless, CEO of Holistic Wisdom
Clinical Psychotherapist: Relationship & Sexual Health Expert

Snuggling Teddy Bears, Sex & Mindfulness

Overcoming Sexual Blocks

There are infinite ways to have fantastic sex that are mindful and spiritual (also see Spiritual Sex). This article will take you through some basic principles of what inhibits great sex, how to overcome those obstacles, and finally, how to have it.

Remember that life is short, we get what we settle for and if you want something better, all you have to do is stop, look at your current situation and make a plan to change it using realistic and attainable goals. Then take steps every day to work toward those goals, and you will be happier, more fulfilled, and sexually satisfied.

Finding your true self is about exploring who you are beyond cultural and societal conditioning, inaccurate conclusions from trauma, abuse, and negative stereotyping. It is about tapping into who you are without those influences and nurturing and developing that part of yourself.

Factors That Contribute To Sexual Blocks

Biological

Several things can impact sexual functioning biologically. Sex hormones are one of the most common, but poor nutrition, illness, medications, aging, disabilities, and chronic illnesses are examples of such factors.

Emotional

Our emotions are impacted by many factors when it comes to our sexuality. Things such as our religious, cultural, and family influences are one of the strongest in impacting our sense of sexuality. In addition, sexual trauma, sexual orientation and identity issues, disabilities and chronic illnesses, body image can create a fear of intimacy and other emotions regarding our sexual activities.

Relationship

Within relationships, various areas can lead to sexual blocks, such as resentment, abuse, anger, power issues, and lack of attraction. Chronic conflicts are an indication that there are fundamental differences in the relationship that require work and possible therapy. For more information on therapy see our: Types of Therapy Guide an Sex Therapy & Counseling Guide.

Unrealistic Expectations

Sexuality can be quite confusing, especially when a superficial focus is valued over education. Having sex on a deep level requires intimacy based on education, good communication, respect, and kindness. Sex in a healthy relationship is simply part of a relationship and not its focus. When unrealistic expectations are causing conflicts, it may be helpful to have a therapist help negotiate between the partners to find a more realistic and agreeable place.

Lifestyle & Culture

One of the biggest blocks these days is information overload from living in a society that is moving quite quickly and demanding a lot from us with regard to work and even through social connections online. When we begin experiencing fatigue, overload, and even addictive tendencies, working, and more, we can find our libido and levels of relationship intimacy drop.

General Ways to Improve Sex

Improving Communication

Speak to one another about sex. For tips regarding this, see our article How to Ask for Better Sex.

Investing In Your Sex Life

Remember that your life is what you make it. If you want a healthy body, you have to eat healthily and remain physically active. If you want a great sex life, you have to invest in it as well. You can learn new sexual techniques, use new sexual products and nurture your relationship outside the bedroom as well. Understand how to transition after the honeymoon period is over.

Finding Time for Sex

If you don't make sexual intimacy a priority, you will lose interest. Part of this is because it will become more and more challenging to connect, and in some cases, you may even feel awkward about approaching one another. In addition, lack of sexual stimulation will also make you physically withdraw from sex; the adage that if you don't use it, you will lose it is true. The good news is that it is never too late to work on getting it back.

No matter how busy your life is, making time for 30 minutes of sexual intimacy a couple of times a week is certainly not a difficult expectation when both partners are willing and healthy.

Revamping Your Life

Sometimes our schedules don't make sense when it comes to fair division of labor in the household. Take time to sit down and evaluate what is working well for both of you and what is not. Discuss ways to strategically share the responsibilities of your life and how you can make things easier. Make sure that you are kind, respectful, and open-minded in discussing these matters.

Conditions for Good Sex

  • Turn off electronic devices.
  • Go to bed at the same time and earlier.
  • Have light meals at night with little to no alcohol.
  • Use romantic products to enhance your atmosphere and mood.

Restore Touch & Affection

  • Maintain eye contact.
  • Touch one another gently during conversations.
  • Sit close to one another.
  • Spoon while you speak after lovemaking.
  • Hold hands when on walks as it creates a sense of connection and intimacy.
  • Flirt with one another.
  • Laugh with one another.

Cultivate Positive Feelings

  • Say positive and loving things for no reason.
  • Send one another loving messages.
  • Be playful with one another and use your sense of humor to invoke their laughter.
  • Do a chore for them without being asked.
  • Go for a walk, go to a playground, swing on the swings, and talk with them.

Sexual Preparation

  • Lock the door to avoid disruption if you do not live alone. Also, see married with children sex tips.
  • Use white noise or music near the door.
  • Turn off electronic devices and give one another your undivided attention.
  • Dress for comfort and sexuality in the bedroom with sensual fabrics.
  • Use massage oils, sensual candles, and sex toys to intensify your sexual pleasure.
  • Adult videos, sex education books, and erotic stories to look at together can make things even more adventurous.
  • Remember birth control & lubricants that are paraben-free.

Where to Get Help

Many couples benefit from professional resources to enhance their sex lives and relationships in general. Here are a few resources where you can get the help you desire:

  • Read relationship, intimacy, and sex education books for help. Explore couples retreats and vacations.

  • Find individual and couple counseling services specializing in sex and couple therapies. To find a sex therapist in your area through AASECT.org.

  • Use tantra techniques to help you connect with one another. See our Tantra & Kama Sutra Tips for more information.

Tips for Overcoming Sexual Blocks

Nurture Yourself

Ensure that you are giving yourself the things you need from nutrition, physical activity, alone time to replenish your soul through an activity that nurtures you. This can be a hobby such as painting, exercise such as dancing, or whatever else you find feeds you spiritually. By giving to yourself, you will be more primed and refreshed to give to your partner.

Turn Off An Abusive Inner Critic

We are often too judgmental toward ourselves, and it is crucial to love ourselves as we are while still striving to grow and refine ourselves. Life is a process, and you will never be self-actualized; rather, you are always changing, and being okay with who you are in the moment is a great place to start.

Find Ways to Communicate

Holding back your desires and vision for a sex life you can be happy with will only keep you from growing as a person. You must communicate the things that are important to you with your lover lovingly and respectfully to achieve your sexual goals.

Bring in Sexual Mindfulness

Break out of your routine and become mindful of every sensation, touch, look, scent and sensation. Tune into your sensory perceptions and take in sex rather than making it a task.

Explore Geography

Sometimes it helps to break out of routines by simply moving to a new location to enjoy sex. Find new places or update your bedroom to create a sense of fresh perspective in your sex life.

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